Jayer's 100 Approach Journal (Will Finish 100 approaches no matter what)

Reyaj

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lol thanks.

So yesterday the HB College sorrority girl texted me a bunch of jargon of how she has no time and is with her family and friends all the time. I texted her back after a while saying it was nice meeting her and that she is special. That had no chance anyway.

So I call the girl that was seeing someone last night around 9:30 but no answer. She texts me back a little later saying "sorry i'm cleaning but ill call u soon, im in the zone lol" Well she calls me back a bit later we talk. I tease her a lot about how she doesn't answer the phone and her drinking habits etc... then I did my famous "so is an earthquake going to happen first or am i going to get to see you" She laughs and is like u asked me that already. I mentioned I'm going to be in her area today so she's like call me. ill bring a friend out we can meet up. So we'll see what happens there.

Before that I called the HB 7/8 I met Saturday, she answerd and rememberd me. We talked literally 5 minutes about her job and where she lives. She's then like I'm going to be around the same area we met tomorrow if you want to meet up. I told her I might be there too.

So there it is for now.... I have the possibility of meeting 2 of tehse plates tonight.... We'll see if any of it actually pans out

Stay tuned!
 

Reyaj

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hahhaha ok update time....... as usual you all are going to really kill me for what I'm about to post but hopefully give me props for another approach I did on a train over the weekend. Let me try and just fill in where we left off.

Well the 2 plates that I was supposed to meet Tuesday both flaked per say! The girl I closed quick which was the HB 8 that told me to meet her.... I called after work to which I got no answer. I followed up with a text bit later asking if she still was going out to the city area. She texted me back a bit later saying she just got into school so she was with a friend at an art gallery but would probably go there later at night.

Ok so I didn't want to look like an AFC so I said I was in that area anyway with some friends and asked where and and what time she was going to go?

No response!

So the next night even though this girl flaked I figured I'd try something that's gotten attention in the past. So I text her "You know just cause your beautiful doesn't mean you can't be nice :p"

She responds back an hour later "Who is this?" Well it was on lol! I texted her back "wow at least I found out you were a dumb flake early, thanks"

That turned into a little text war but she backed down and that was that. The girl was like an HB 8 AW who I had no shot with anyway based on logistics alone.....

But ok onto the girl that said she was "seeing someone" when I met her but never mentioned it again. So I texted her before I got out of work on Tuesday "hope I'm still seeing you later" She responded quick "me too but i have a bad feeling, I have to paint, I just sent you an email"

Well i checked my email box and there was a long message written about her she promised her roomate who wasn't going to be around she'd help her paint etc..... blah blah

The thing with this girl is she has always given counter offers and thats' exactly what she did... she said if I can't make it today I'll be around on the weekend, what do you think? Now this girl is honestly different than most I've picked up so far. She doesn't flake flat out, but really gives good excuses and I almost think she is unorganized to a degree which is why things don't pan out. She never calls or texts out of the blue but most of the time always responds to mine and we've had some decent phone conversations.

So I basically I don't have much stock in this girl... but the fact that she is nice and I mean that... and at times has shown some IOI I haven't nexted her. So I figured I'd try the same deal on Saturday... acting like I was going to be in her area anyway but i needed to hang with my cousin but maybe I could at least say hi to her in person. She said she could probably bring a friend out and the 4 of us could go drinking. Now in retrospect I probably should have got this girl out alone because I'm not so sure the night went well. I just didn't want to seem like an AFC that I was going to give up a Saturday just for her after she's taken so long to make plans etc.....


So here's how it all went down. You all be the judge.... So I don't hear from the girl most of the day Saturday and I call her around 4:30pm..... no answer....

I'm thinking flake....... I follow up with a text "are we still on for later" Well she responds about an hour later "yes... just trying to find a friend"

Nothing more for an hour so I text back "what's up?" She calls me and is nice and is like "so none of my friends want to come out... its up to you.. I mean I can say hi to you or we can plan something next week..." I really don't know what to say... but since I told her I was going to be in that area anyway I say she can say hi... and she says sure.

So I arrive in the city with my cousin and it turns out she is at her friends apartment. Its her and 2 girls.... to my surprise she says we could just stop the apartment...... she ends up giving me the address and leaves my name. I basically made it sound like we were planning on going out somewhere else anyway but would stop by and say hi. So after a long ass time of trying to find the place we go up there... and I have to admit I felt really akward and out of my element being in an apartment with 3 girls I didn't even know..... Not to mention her friends were all talking about guys supplicating to them etc... I tried to stay calm and both me and my cousin made small talk.... though the girl I've been talking to kept suggesting to her friends to let us know places we can go since I said my cousin wanted to go out.... I tried to propose us playing a game together but it went by the waste side.... because of the seating position I couldn't really kino her.... but if I did anything positive it was that I did talk to her friends a lot and give them attention... maybe too much that I barely talked to mine...

Now maybe she sensed I was nervous and didn't feel comfortable but I really have no idea at this point. Finally after about a half hour I kissed her friend on the cheek. Then I went to kiss her on the cheek and she kissed me back on mine where I felt it... I instinctively grabbed her hand tight while I did it and let go.... I don't know if that was good or bad.

That was that....


I'm thinking I might send her an email at work today saying hello just to gauge if there still is any IOI what so ever... Though I really don't think I made a strong impression and that may be my downfall in this one.... At least I'll know early so I don't waste anymore time.


The night did end good with me scoring a digit on the train home. Sadly with all the flakes and challenges I've encountered so far I can't say I expect anything with any girl..... and I almost feel like its all about luck or karma rather than skill or technique at this point......

I mean I can pick up girls pretty decent now in night life... but I need to learn about follow up and how to make this girls get naked......

I'll post about the train pick up shortly... I think I'll send this girl an email just to see whats up. I don't know why... but I almost expect an LBJF from her even though I haven't gotten one so far. The longer I do this the more experience.....
 

DonGorgon

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Sounds too me like you are in a comfort zone where you end up only getting to a certain point then it fizzles out every time..

I think you need to get these girls more interested. spend more time talking to them instead of always using the "oh i have to go do this or that line"...

You are not making a strong enough impression on these women to get them interested in you hence the flakes and reluctance
 

Reyaj

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DonGorgon said:
Sounds too me like you are in a comfort zone where you end up only getting to a certain point then it fizzles out every time..

I think you need to get these girls more interested. spend more time talking to them instead of always using the "oh i have to go do this or that line"...

You are not making a strong enough impression on these women to get them interested in you hence the flakes and reluctance

Well I do on the follow up like I did with this one.... but I don't know... it just seems to fizzle in person sometimes.... I did email this girl earlier today as I said and I haven't heard back anything..... so she might be flaking as I suspected.... I'll give it till tomorrow and then I'll hit her with a neg



Anyway regarding the train pick up. I basically got on the way home and saw a girl sitting in a corner by herself an HB 7 real cute.... as the train was packed so I ended up instinctively sitting next to her. I basically made a comment about how nice and cool it was inside the train but I didn't look at her when she said it. She then said "hey I heard you talk about me" I'm like what... She's like "yeah you said I look confused" I smiled and said no I said its cool in here....

Now this girl was clearly drunk or on something... but i made small talk with her and she kept asking me the same questions like 4 times but she was cute. I finally asked her where she was getting off and she said it was the next stop. I then was like "I'd like to talk to you more, let me get your number I'll give you a call" She's like "sure" but then she's like "wait hold are you"

Now this is a tough question because I had no idea how old she was and if I was too old or too young I was out.... so I asked for her age of course she said she said asked me first. So I took my best guess and said 28.... she looked at me and smiled and didn't say anything for like a minute or two..... I was like "what did you forget your number lol..." she was like "no I'm just thinking" Well then finally she gave it to me... I did some kino by touching her hand and she rubbed my sleeve a little bit..... her stop came and she got off. I may follow up today but like everything else I'm not holding my breath....


Stay tuned....


Approaches 78
Numbers 48
 

Reyaj

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hahaha ok well the girl from Saturday who I went to her friends apartment did not email me back at all....... so I have to take this as a high flake sign..... so I'm going to follow up with a c&f text "so i guess u didnt like my shirt lol" or something like that. If it turns out this girl is flaking she is retarded becasue I was a very polite and made an effort to see her. I'm going to make her feel really stupid without telling her off....


I did call the girl I met on the train yesterday last night around 9:30pm..... She answered and I said it was Jayer we met on Saturday, she said oh hi and seemed nice. The phone seemed to cut off though so I waited to see if she called me back and she didn't so I did a few minutes later and she answered and said sorry it was my phone. We talked for about 10 mins before I told her I had to go. I said we should get coffee sometime and she's like I like iced tea and I'm like yeah I'm sure that works... I then said I would text her or talk to her today..... so I may send a follow up text later today and call tomorrow.... we'll see

At least so far this one has a pulse....
 

Reyaj

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hahah get this... so I just texted her "so I guess you didn't like my shirt lol"

She responded back a minute later "lol, wasn't in the office yesterday, catching up"
 

DonGorgon

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Jayer said:
hahaha ok well the girl from Saturday who I went to her friends apartment did not email me back at all....... so I have to take this as a high flake sign..... so I'm going to follow up with a c&f text "so i guess u didnt like my shirt lol" or something like that. If it turns out this girl is flaking she is retarded becasue I was a very polite and made an effort to see her. I'm going to make her feel really stupid without telling her off....


I did call the girl I met on the train yesterday last night around 9:30pm..... She answered and I said it was Jayer we met on Saturday, she said oh hi and seemed nice. The phone seemed to cut off though so I waited to see if she called me back and she didn't so I did a few minutes later and she answered and said sorry it was my phone. We talked for about 10 mins before I told her I had to go. I said we should get coffee sometime and she's like I like iced tea and I'm like yeah I'm sure that works... I then said I would text her or talk to her today..... so I may send a follow up text later today and call tomorrow.... we'll see

At least so far this one has a pulse....
OK this one seems like a good prospect so i advice you to turn up the heat alittle more than usual... Act like you think she is cool and you really many see if she is , make her prove to you that she is cool.. the fact she told you she likes ice tea sounds simple but is a great thing cause she wants you to know how to please her... she is giving you a map!

Dont over analyze and complicate this just take control...
 

Reyaj

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DonGorgon said:
OK this one seems like a good prospect so i advice you to turn up the heat alittle more than usual... Act like you think she is cool and you really many see if she is , make her prove to you that she is cool.. the fact she told you she likes ice tea sounds simple but is a great thing cause she wants you to know how to please her... she is giving you a map!

Dont over analyze and complicate this just take control...
Should I call her tomorrow to make plans or tonight? I think calling two nights in a row might be AFCish..... especially since we just met.?
 

DonGorgon

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Jayer said:
Should I call her tomorrow to make plans or tonight? I think calling two nights in a row might be AFCish..... especially since we just met.?
Maybe text her something to tease her alittle to keep there thinking and wondering about you... She needs to build it excitement about you... be witty, imply that you can please her... women love that , it makes them intregued.. ask her questions about herself that show you are really interested. get her to babble like women do when they alike you..:up:
 

Reyaj

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Ok well here's the deal..... with the girl who is seeing someone from Saturday.... she also sent me an email around noon like a 1 liner saying she was out of the office yesterday and that she hoped I had a good day. It was very short and not lengthy like a lot of her emails are.... so I finally texted her hours later and said "hope it was a vacation day and not a sick day" She responde a bit later "sick day :(" I responded back a bit later "aww well I hope you are feeling better today. I'll call you later"

She did not respond.... and guess what.... I didn't call....

Maybe its in my head but I think this girls IL may be down..... I guess the only way to know for sure is to give her a follow up phone call and see what happens. I just may do that..... but I don't know.... I guess the fear of rejection does resonate still..... but I'll do it.... if not today then tomorrow


As for the train pick up... well I texted her yesterday around 4:30 "hey hope you aren't working too hard today :"

Well she responded like 4 hours later " hey! no I didn't work hard today. I hope you didnt either!"

and I left it like that. I'll try calling her later to see if I can set something up. With this Holiday weekend coming up its going to be difficult
 

Reyaj

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So I called the girl I met on the train yesterday around 9:30pm... no answer... went straight to voice mail. I didn't leave a message or a follow up text. She never called back or texted me either.......

I think I'll send a follow up text in a few minutes just letting her i know I tried calling.

NO word from the girl thats seeing someone either... I may try one last call but not sure
 

Reyaj

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haha so I burnt another bridge as bible belt would say... the girl that was seeing someone basically flaked after I saw her last week.... not responding to my messages so I called her out on it which lead to a big defense spin around on her part.... she refused to tell me what she didn't like about me and put the whole its me not you thing on.... I ended up telling her off because she couldn't be honest and she is gone like she would have been anyway had I just let it fizzle... I guess I get these relapses with this at times.

The train girl basically responded to my text messages a day later after I sent them. I called yesterday for the heck of it and she answered. I asked her what her week looked like and she said that she'd know better after today and that I call her. So I guess I'll try her later and see whats up....

No more approaches done over the weekend
 

Reyaj

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So I called the train girl last night and she answered but was out having drinks with friends. I asked her when she was free and she said either today or thursday. I told her i had plans today but thursday should be good. She said to call her today or tomorrow to confirm.. I won't call today but I guess I'll try tomorrow. Whether I should send a text today or not I'm not sure...
 

izza

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Jayer said:
So I called the train girl last night and she answered but was out having drinks with friends. I asked her when she was free and she said either today or thursday. I told her i had plans today but thursday should be good. She said to call her today or tomorrow to confirm.. I won't call today but I guess I'll try tomorrow. Whether I should send a text today or not I'm not sure...
You sexy b@stard, you still rock. Keep up the good work. :)
 

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Jayer said:
haha so I burnt another bridge as bible belt would say... the girl that was seeing someone basically flaked after I saw her last week.... not responding to my messages so I called her out on it which lead to a big defense spin around on her part.... she refused to tell me what she didn't like about me and put the whole its me not you thing on.... I ended up telling her off because she couldn't be honest and she is gone like she would have been anyway had I just let it fizzle... I guess I get these relapses with this at times.
(sigh)

Here is something that might help you. Typically, the interest level of a woman toward you will fluctuate. I was taught this in sales training about new prospects; it's the same with girls. Bear with me, I am no math guy, but if you could graph it, IL would look something like a sine curve:

http://www.reviewsheetscentral.com/rs/11/mathb/image025.jpg

Imagine above the line as being interested in you and below the line being not interested. At the bottom she ignores your texts, and at the top, she is texting you for booty calls. When you got her number, she was above the line. But later when she does not answer when you call, that just means she just happens to be below the line. This is why most salesmen will insist upon closing the sale today and not tomorrow; they understand that a prospect's interest level will likely have dropped by the next time they meet. To translate this to women, you either have to F-close them right when you meet, or be patient. Maybe some guys are good at getting ONSs, but it is not my style, and also a little hard for women you meet in day-to-day life. I prefer to simply be patient and let them come to me.

Your problem is that you are seeing IL as static, rather than fluctuating. You call or text again, and just assume that the girl will pick up where she left off in interest level, but it does not work that way. IL fluctuates; it's an ebb and flow. And it's not even predictable like that sine curve; it irregularly varies and is affected by outside life events. When that girl's other guy pisses her off, how do you think that affects her feelings toward you? What about when he scores a bunch of points with her and is doing well again? Neither of these events has anything to do with you. That's why you can't take fluctuation of interest level as a personal insult. It just happens, and is beyond your control.

If one girl does not answer you, it's no big deal, just contact a different girl instead of burning your bridge. Over time, when you do this, you'll find IL fluctuation working in your favor instead of against you. Other guys are AFC'ing up their relationships and destroying interest all the time. If you keep your cool and don't burn your bridges, you'll find yourself being the guy that they call to have revenge-sex to get back at some other guy. AFCs will drive women to you if you let them.

Jayer, you're putting so much work into this endeavor, there's no reason that your phone should not be ringing all the time with women calling you for sex, other than your unfortunate bridge-burning. If you can overcome this problem, you will be able to forget all the typical dating foolishness, or at least "dating" becomes the stuff you do after you fvck instead of before, like it should be. But you have to be smart, simply working hard is not getting you there. Keep your cool and leave girls who flake on the shelf; when there are enough girls on that shelf, your phone will always be ringing. It all starts from within, and it's no secret. 'Calm, cool, & collected' is what works with women.

Good luck, man. I want to see you do well.
 

izza

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Bible_Belt said:
(sigh)

Here is something that might help you. Typically, the interest level of a woman toward you will fluctuate. I was taught this in sales training about new prospects; it's the same with girls. Bear with me, I am no math guy, but if you could graph it, IL would look something like a sine curve:

http://www.reviewsheetscentral.com/rs/11/mathb/image025.jpg

Imagine above the line as being interested in you and below the line being not interested. At the bottom she ignores your texts, and at the top, she is texting you for booty calls. When you got her number, she was above the line. But later when she does not answer when you call, that just means she just happens to be below the line.

Your problem is that you are seeing IL as static, rather than fluctuating. You call or text again, and just assume that the girl will pick up where she left off in interest level, but it does not work that way. IL fluctuates; it's an ebb and flow. And it's not even predictable like that sine curve; it irregularly varies and is affected by outside life events. When that girl's other guy pisses her off, how do you think that affects her feelings toward you? What about when he scores a bunch of points with her and is doing well again? Neither of these events has anything to do with you. That's why you can't take fluctuation of interest level as a personal insult. It just happens, and is beyond your control.

If one girl does not answer you, it's no big deal, just contact a different girl instead of burning your bridge. Over time, when you do this, you'll find IL fluctuation working in your favor instead of against you. Other guys are AFC'ing up their relationships and destroying interest all the time. If you keep your cool and don't burn your bridges, you'll find yourself being the guy that they call to have revenge-sex to get back at some other guy. AFCs will drive women to you if you let them.

Jayer, you're putting so much work into this endeavor, there's no reason that your phone should not be ringing all the time with women calling you for sex, other than your unfortunate bridge-burning. If you can overcome this problem, you will be able to forget all the typical dating foolishness, or at least "dating" becomes the stuff you do after you fvck instead of before, like it should be. But you have to be smart, simply working hard is not getting you there. Keep your cool and leave girls who flake on the shelf; when there are enough girls on that shelf, your phone will always be ringing. It all starts from within, and it's no secret. 'Calm, cool, & collected' is what works with women.

Good luck, man. I want to see you do well.
This is a great post man, thanks.
 

Reyaj

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Bible_Belt said:
(sigh)

Here is something that might help you. Typically, the interest level of a woman toward you will fluctuate. I was taught this in sales training about new prospects; it's the same with girls. Bear with me, I am no math guy, but if you could graph it, IL would look something like a sine curve:

http://www.reviewsheetscentral.com/rs/11/mathb/image025.jpg

Imagine above the line as being interested in you and below the line being not interested. At the bottom she ignores your texts, and at the top, she is texting you for booty calls. When you got her number, she was above the line. But later when she does not answer when you call, that just means she just happens to be below the line. This is why most salesmen will insist upon closing the sale today and not tomorrow; they understand that a prospect's interest level will likely have dropped by the next time they meet. To translate this to women, you either have to F-close them right when you meet, or be patient. Maybe some guys are good at getting ONSs, but it is not my style, and also a little hard for women you meet in day-to-day life. I prefer to simply be patient and let them come to me.

Your problem is that you are seeing IL as static, rather than fluctuating. You call or text again, and just assume that the girl will pick up where she left off in interest level, but it does not work that way. IL fluctuates; it's an ebb and flow. And it's not even predictable like that sine curve; it irregularly varies and is affected by outside life events. When that girl's other guy pisses her off, how do you think that affects her feelings toward you? What about when he scores a bunch of points with her and is doing well again? Neither of these events has anything to do with you. That's why you can't take fluctuation of interest level as a personal insult. It just happens, and is beyond your control.

If one girl does not answer you, it's no big deal, just contact a different girl instead of burning your bridge. Over time, when you do this, you'll find IL fluctuation working in your favor instead of against you. Other guys are AFC'ing up their relationships and destroying interest all the time. If you keep your cool and don't burn your bridges, you'll find yourself being the guy that they call to have revenge-sex to get back at some other guy. AFCs will drive women to you if you let them.

Jayer, you're putting so much work into this endeavor, there's no reason that your phone should not be ringing all the time with women calling you for sex, other than your unfortunate bridge-burning. If you can overcome this problem, you will be able to forget all the typical dating foolishness, or at least "dating" becomes the stuff you do after you fvck instead of before, like it should be. But you have to be smart, simply working hard is not getting you there. Keep your cool and leave girls who flake on the shelf; when there are enough girls on that shelf, your phone will always be ringing. It all starts from within, and it's no secret. 'Calm, cool, & collected' is what works with women.

Good luck, man. I want to see you do well.

BB I always appreciate the time you take to analyze my progress and post your feedback. You certainly have a lot of theoretical knowledge from everything to stocks, real estate, and even sales apparently and are definitely someone I could see myself having a beer with and just listening to in which I'd learn a lot.

That being said let me be blunt about what I'm finding in my journey, some of which is going to be contrary to some of your feedback. I hope at the very least that the perspective I put it in makes it more vivid...


Ok so first off regarding ONS with decent looking women, I'm sorry but they are just not prevalent in society. Even girls that have few morals.... those few societal morals, CB friends, and logistics alone make it very unlikely to happen. I'm not saying its impossible as there are some real slutty girls out there... but you'd have to be very lucky and have a lot of external factors that are out of control happen in your favor. Still any girl like that I'd feel sick after doing.... and honestly thats not what seduction is about.... its about getting the girl you want

Now I do agree with your sales chart in correlation to seduction in that you do want to capitalize on the high points... but for me its more like number close, date, kiss, then maybe working its way to sex.....

I honestly am able to number close and then use c&f to get the date but for some reason I seem to fall short after this..... I have hit a plateau that I need to learn how I can escalate from.

Lets take this last girl I told off for example... I met her... she told me she was seeing someone but I used c&f to over come it... got the digits... and was good on the phone by listening to her and being upbeat.. she never mentioned the BF again and always responded to my texts... albeit capriciously.....

Now after we met up again she stopped responding to my texts and emails (at least till I used c&f again) and when I basically called her out on it she gave me the its me not you speech, mentioned how she isn't ready to date and was seeing someone blah blah.... I basically told her off hoping to at least get a truthful answer about what turned her off about me when we met... but she only got angry did the spin around... and never told me and flaked....

I only want to know so that I can learn and improve... but again I'm still stuck at this plateau clueless as to whats happening

Any advice based on this response?
 

izza

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Jayer said:
Ok so first off regarding ONS with decent looking women, I'm sorry but they are just not prevalent in society. Even girls that have few morals.... those few societal morals, CB friends, and logistics alone make it very unlikely to happen. I'm not saying its impossible as there are some real slutty girls out there... but you'd have to be very lucky and have a lot of external factors that are out of control happen in your favor. Still any girl like that I'd feel sick after doing.... and honestly thats not what seduction is about.... its about getting the girl you want
Sounds like a healthy attitude. ONS's happen pretty often, but I have never had any.

Now I do agree with your sales chart in correlation to seduction in that you do want to capitalize on the high points... but for me its more like number close, date, kiss, then maybe working its way to sex.....
Sales chart? Isn't that a sine wave?

I honestly am able to number close and then use c&f to get the date but for some reason I seem to fall short after this..... I have hit a plateau that I need to learn how I can escalate from.
C&F is crap. Using CF is probably a part of your plateau. I highly recommend against it. Focus on being funny, or interesting or something. Avoid being insulting, stop telling women off until they really do something that deserves it.

Even if a chick does something that requires you to set limits, doesn't mean you shouldn't do so respectfully and maturely.

I think BB's biggest point - and I'm not sure you're catching this - is that one reason you're hitting a plateau is that you're burning bridges when they're at the low point of the wave. If, instead of burning the bridge, you just wait, she'll come around.

One time a chick wasn't interested, wasn't making time. I said ok, and I waited six months then called her again. We went out six times - but she had a bf and I didn't feel comfortable with that.

Lets take this last girl I told off for example... I met her... she told me she was seeing someone but I used c&f to over come it... got the digits... and was good on the phone by listening to her and being upbeat.. she never mentioned the BF again and always responded to my texts... albeit capriciously.....
That's cool. Good job. Just a thought, I would keep mentioning the boyfriend. You want her to be able to talk openly to you about it. Once it's off the table, that's when she starts flaking.

Now after we met up again she stopped responding to my texts and emails (at least till I used c&f again) and when I basically called her out on it
Stop doing that. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding from the context - what did you say?

she gave me the its me not you speech, mentioned how she isn't ready to date and was seeing someone blah blah.... I basically told her off hoping to at least get a truthful answer about what turned her off about me when we met... but she only got angry did the spin around... and never told me and flaked....
Of course she got angry man. She told you the truth, that she's seeing someone, and you didn't believe her. You were so convinced there is something wrong with you - there's not. I think a good exercise for you is this: anytime you have a setback in dating, come up with three ways it could have little to nothing to do with you.

When she said "it's not you" I think that's what she meant.

I only want to know so that I can learn and improve... but again I'm still stuck at this plateau clueless as to whats happening

Any advice based on this response?
Jayer, you rock man. And I appreciate your honesty. I think that the plateau is that you have so many negative beliefs about dating that part of you just says "stop, this is too much." Honestly, from what you're saying and how personally you take these things, I think that if you got into something more serious right now it would not be good for you. It would kind of tear you apart and traumatize you. For whatever reasons, you do not seem to have a healthy frame of mind that it takes to have positive experiences in dating. You're obviously very personable, obviously an attractive and likeable person.

I don't think women have a problem with you. Women seem to like you a lot. Look at your phone number percentage, that is actually way too good. I think you need to gain some weight and stop using that irresistible charm all the time ;)

But seriously, I think part of you is pulling the brakes/instructing you to burn bridges - for your own benefit. If that's what part of you wants, I think you should take that very seriously.

That said, there is nothing wrong with continuing to meet women. It sounds like you're having fun. As long as you keep taking baby steps, you are going to get there. You are closer - and farther away - than you think. But you'll get there.

Another thing - you seem extremely self-conscious. I know from most of my reactions with people, I am thinking a lot about how do people perceive me, am I doing the right thing, am I acting like a Don Juan, am I using C&F, am I looking fat, am I dressed right. There comes a point in your development, where you just need to let go, to let the focus of your mind rest outside yourself. Focus on the interaction, on honesty. Honesty is key because the second you feel deceitful, it pulls you back into narcissism and pulls your attention away from the interaction.

It just doesn't sound like you're letting go and actually appreciating each conversation and interaction and kiss and phone call for itself. You want each thing to mean success or redemption when really, it is just a conversation with some girl.

Maybe I'm just using you as my mirror, but I see some of that in you. So if I'm wrong about you, just let me know. I know it's in me (my latest work on myself :)). One thing about me, I am not very self-conscious in normal interactions. But the second it is sexual, I'm like how do I look, am I acting suave, how's my breath etc etc. I have not at all learned to just clear my mind and live.

It is not far from meditation. That's a great solution. If you want to break this plateau, meditate. Because all enjoyable things are like meditations, in that they are free of thought. You just do.

Practice just doing by meditating - this is another reason people recommend martial arts. I'm a chess player, so I know that I want all my interactions to be as well planned. But you know how well chess-players get women right...

Izza
 
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