I had to learn it through horrible, long-term experince. If I'm wrong, please correct me, but I don't think I am.
If you want to be with a woman, be more than her friend....you can't be her friend.
Not at first of course. Being a woman's friend, listening to her problems...thats the surest way to become her best GUY friend. You become the one she wants when she needs a shoulder to cry on when her boyfriend breaks her heart. Very often, she doesn't know that your heart is breaking as well, but not for the same reasons her is. Your stuck so far in what people call the Friend Zone it takes either a miracle or so much mega-hard work to get out of it that in the end, it often isn't worth the effort and loss of a friendship.
That doesn't mean you can't love a woman and be her friend...but first you have to get her love. Once you are together, then you become the one she talks to. You listen to her problems and help her out. When her heart is breaking, yours is too and she knows it then because she knows you as both a friend and a lover.
But thats the problem. We want so much to be a part of a woman's life, we want with all our heart and soul to start helping her before we are with her. We can't help it, and very often we are far down the road into the Zone before we even realize it.
So don't talk about her stupid ex. Or about how her parents don't give her enough space. Talk instead about her. How her eyes sparkle when she smiles, how pretty she is when she blushes, especially when your the one making her blush. About how you like her hair loose and flowing, not confined. Flirt, make deep eye contact and make her comfortable with your touch.
That has to come first. Thats the road that a man must take, and he needs to keep his course clear in his head, because it is all too easy to take that offramp into the Zone, simply because he wants so much to please her.
If you want to be with a woman, be more than her friend....you can't be her friend.
Not at first of course. Being a woman's friend, listening to her problems...thats the surest way to become her best GUY friend. You become the one she wants when she needs a shoulder to cry on when her boyfriend breaks her heart. Very often, she doesn't know that your heart is breaking as well, but not for the same reasons her is. Your stuck so far in what people call the Friend Zone it takes either a miracle or so much mega-hard work to get out of it that in the end, it often isn't worth the effort and loss of a friendship.
That doesn't mean you can't love a woman and be her friend...but first you have to get her love. Once you are together, then you become the one she talks to. You listen to her problems and help her out. When her heart is breaking, yours is too and she knows it then because she knows you as both a friend and a lover.
But thats the problem. We want so much to be a part of a woman's life, we want with all our heart and soul to start helping her before we are with her. We can't help it, and very often we are far down the road into the Zone before we even realize it.
So don't talk about her stupid ex. Or about how her parents don't give her enough space. Talk instead about her. How her eyes sparkle when she smiles, how pretty she is when she blushes, especially when your the one making her blush. About how you like her hair loose and flowing, not confined. Flirt, make deep eye contact and make her comfortable with your touch.
That has to come first. Thats the road that a man must take, and he needs to keep his course clear in his head, because it is all too easy to take that offramp into the Zone, simply because he wants so much to please her.
I've seen the signs of affection and interest in alot of girls, and women! But I just didn't know how to interpret them and act on them. So I just stayed in that Nice Guy mode. I never showed them that I was a man as well as a nice guy, so they never saw me as anything more than a friend. One I know could have been The One. Now she's just my friend, and a distant one at that. Maybe I could work my way out of the Zone with her...but I honestly don't know.