It's not a big deal vs. Do not take cr*p from women

[Guoy Darko]

Well it's not an extreme big problem, but because I find myself a lot in these situations it kind of is.......

I've been dating this girl now for almost 2 months, but because we only see eachother only once or twice a week things are sometimes a bit awkward. When we call or mail eachother it is almost like we're normal friends, but when we're together we start holding hands, kissing or we end up in bed together. I still have no clue if we're still dating or if we're already boy- and girlfriend. Both is fine with me, but it's just that I don't know.

By the way, she is the first girl EVER I date that is older than me. So I'm kind of unfamilliar with this. I'm now 24 and most of the girls I've dated the last few years were between 18 and 22. (A lot of flakey behavious I must say.) This girl is 25 and almost 26.

Okay, to get to the point: I'm starting to realize that most of the times I'm the one who is making the plans for dates and what we're going to do. Also last weekend. I send her a text message on friday to say I'm going to a play of a friend of mine on saturday and I would love it if she would join me. She sends me a message back apologizing that she can't come because she's going away on saturday to friends of here in another city. I tell her to have fun and that's it.

Now I haven't heard anything from her since friday night. I don't know what she's expecting. That I should come up with another plan or not? I don't know if I should think "It's not a big deal" or that "I shouldn't take crap from her." Both I've read a lot on sosuave.net.

Any suggestions? Thanks mates.

 

[window]

Texting a girl is a lame way of asking her out...use the phone. Asking on a Friday for the next day is also way to short notice...stay off the email and text. It sounds like your communicating with her a lot using these things and hence it feels like "friends" when your doing this. The longer you stay on the phone and use email and text the more you'll become a friend which you don't want. Be a man of action.

I don't think she has given you any crap....

Keep doing what you're doing ! but limit the friend zone between dates...let her suggest you become her boyforend, don't bring it up, until then if you're making out and having fun keep up the good work and chill.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Thanks man. You're probably right about always calling. I will keep on doing that. Still I'm wondering if I should always be the person to come up with ideas.

 

[Monkey]

One to two times seeing her a week is just right within two months dating.

As window says, cut down or even stop the texting, and let the space between communicating with her work for you.

The saying "out of sight, out of mind" is bollocks - its actually the complete opposite, its a very powerful tool.

 

[Bigdavis]

I've got a similar situation. I called this girl I've been dating on Wednesday told her I was taking my nephew to the Zoo on sunday and asked if she wanted to go. She said "yeah i can probably do that" so I said I'd call her on saturday when i got back from out of town to verify.

I called saturday and she never called back, by 9 or 10 oclock I decided she wasn't going to call so I went out and met some more chicks. Got 3 number closes. The next day I was expecting her to call since she didn't call back saturday night but she never did. I know I shouldn't have but I called again on sunday left another message. She still never called back.

She finally emailed me today at work saying that she was sorry she didn't call. She said she was gone all day saturday and didn't have her phone, she went to a concert with her girlfriend saturday night and didn't get home till 2 so she didn't want to call that late. Then she had a list of things she was doing on sunday for why she didn't call. She ended the email by saying she wasn't a phone person and didn't like talking on the phone very much. That's all well and good but we had plans so it's different she should have called back. She said she thought I'd call sunday morning but that wasn't the plan...

Am I wrong for thinking she was flaking or at the very least being rude by not returning calls?

 

[window]

Bigdavis, you shouldn't have said you'll call back to verify, you should have just organised a time to pick her up then left it at that.

I'd give her another chance as leaving her hanging until Saturday to verify or confirm is not showing much class...so even though she did show signs of flakiness she had a right to do so in this case as the date was not definate.

If she asked you to call her to verify then she's out.

 

[Bigdavis]

Bigdavis, you shouldn't have said you'll call back to verify, you should have just organised a time to pick her up then left it at that.

I'd give her another chance as leaving her hanging until Saturday to verify or confirm is not showing much class...so even though she did show signs of flakiness she had a right to do so in this case as the date was not definate.

If she asked you to call her to verify then she's out.

Damn... you're right I totally handled it wrong and I've been reading here long enough to know better. :kick:

 

[Guoy Darko]

Okay, now things are really getting annoying. Hope you guys can give me some advice.

Last time I saw her was thursday and we decided to hang out in the weekend again. I come with ideas for saturday, she says she cannot do saturday because she's going to some other city with friends. That's cool I say and I didn't make any new plans, because I'm making all the ****ing plans all the time. She doesn't call the weekend which annoys me. Weak as I am I call her monday evening to find out how she's doing. She pics up the phone with a very weird voice. Aparently she had a food allergy and was in the hospital that day. Okay that sucks and I'm not mad at her. She asks if she can call me back tomorrow (so today). She doesn't call. I make another weak attempt by calling her. I just felt bad for her that she was so sick yesterday. I didn't want to be an ******* by not asking her how she was doing. Well she didn't picked up the phone so I send her a text message saying something like "Hi, I was just wondering if you were better and all! yadayadayada." No text message back and no call back!

Now back to the title of this thread: 'It's not a big deal vs. Do not take crap from women'. I honestly don't know how long I should say "It's not a big deal" to myself and treat her nicely. We would hang out in the weekend, she makes other plans, doesn't call me and now it's quarter past 11 at night local time.

Well I stop calling her, but I don't know how to act if she's going to call me later this week. Any suggestions.......... No big deal vs. No crap.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Ostepop]

Okay, now things are really getting annoying. Hope you guys can give me some advice.

Last time I saw her was thursday and we decided to hang out in the weekend again. I come with ideas for saturday, she says she cannot do saturday because she's going to some other city with friends. That's cool I say and I didn't make any new plans, because I'm making all the ****ing plans all the time. She doesn't call the weekend which annoys me. Weak as I am I call her monday evening to find out how she's doing. She pics up the phone with a very weird voice. Aparently she had a food allergy and was in the hospital that day. Okay that sucks and I'm not mad at her. She asks if she can call me back tomorrow (so today). She doesn't call. I make another weak attempt by calling her. I just felt bad for her that she was so sick yesterday. I didn't want to be an ******* by not asking her how she was doing. Well she didn't picked up the phone so I send her a text message saying something like "Hi, I was just wondering if you were better and all! yadayadayada." No text message back and no call back!

Now back to the title of this thread: 'It's not a big deal vs. Do not take crap from women'. I honestly don't know how long I should say "It's not a big deal" to myself and treat her nicely. We would hang out in the weekend, she makes other plans, doesn't call me and now it's quarter past 11 at night local time.

Well I stop calling her, but I don't know how to act if she's going to call me later this week. Any suggestions.......... No big deal vs. No crap.

Thanks in advance.

Nothing personal, but your acting like a wuzz and she doesn't seem to be all that into you.

She is stating how important you are to her, by how long it takes for her to reply to you. When a girl doesn't reply to you at all (by calling back or text) she just doesn't give a damn.

You are never to bizzy during an entire day to call back or text somebody, if you dont get a reply, chances are shes not that into you.

IMO, your coming off as a needy person, stop being the one who keeps calling her and initating all contact. She will find you much more interesting if she has to work a little bit in order to get your attention.

My advice to you, is start looking at other women, DO NOT CALL HER\TXT HER, until she calls\texts you.

 

[darkjedi]

I was reading this and though I would give you my though on this as this is the exact same situation I am in.

Basically what you have to understand that the two of you are not in any exclusive relationship and that she is definitely going behave that way. She's going to hang out with her friends, flake on you, not return phone calls, ect... She feels that she has no obligation to you at this point... and is correct.

This does not necessarily mean that she is not interested in you, but just is not ready to be exclusive with you as she does not want to feel like she has to report her every action to you. As long as when you do see each other you are getting kino and end up in bed with her, I would have to say she is still very much interested in you. Just keep seeing her when it works out and keep doing what you've been doing. You only need to worry when this stops...

Which leads to this. Don't bring up a relationship to her, let her bring it up to you. When she is ready I can assure you she will bring it up, it's womans nature. Decrease your calls and TMs to no more than 2 times a week. Make it look like you are busy and she has to work for your time. Never tell her to call you back or let her, you always call back. This way you stay in control and you're not sitting around waiting for her call. If she calls, keep it short. Lastly Keep spinning plates. This will always give you options so you won't care or even worry when she is not available or is flaky. If you do this enough, you may very well forget about her.

 

[shop until I die!]

Okay, now things are really getting annoying. Hope you guys can give me some advice.

Last time I saw her was thursday and we decided to hang out in the weekend again. I come with ideas for saturday, she says she cannot do saturday because she's going to some other city with friends. That's cool I say and I didn't make any new plans, because I'm making all the ****ing plans all the time. She doesn't call the weekend which annoys me. Weak as I am I call her monday evening to find out how she's doing. She pics up the phone with a very weird voice. Aparently she had a food allergy and was in the hospital that day. Okay that sucks and I'm not mad at her. She asks if she can call me back tomorrow (so today). She doesn't call. I make another weak attempt by calling her. I just felt bad for her that she was so sick yesterday. I didn't want to be an ******* by not asking her how she was doing. Well she didn't picked up the phone so I send her a text message saying something like "Hi, I was just wondering if you were better and all! yadayadayada." No text message back and no call back!

Now back to the title of this thread: 'It's not a big deal vs. Do not take crap from women'. I honestly don't know how long I should say "It's not a big deal" to myself and treat her nicely. We would hang out in the weekend, she makes other plans, doesn't call me and now it's quarter past 11 at night local time.

Well I stop calling her, but I don't know how to act if she's going to call me later this week. Any suggestions.......... No big deal vs. No crap.

Thanks in advance.

I hate to say it man but I think you lost her. You probably called too much.
**** her though, go out and get someone who isn't so dependent on games.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Thanks guys for the replies. It doesn't sound so good I must say.

But the things you say all seem to fit. I probably am too needy and insecure and a wuss. I can't stand it that I have these kind of issues over and over and over again with women. Every time I'm starting to get in a relationship I start to take things REALLY serious. I mean EXTREMELY serious. After a week I already feel I'm in a long term relationship and I should act like that. That I cannot date other girls, or talk to other girls or watch porn. I already want to do anything for her. I KNOW I shouldn't do it, but I feel guilty towards her when I don't. I still know how to fake some of the DJ stuff which works and I do end up in bed with them, just as soon as we start dating things go weird. I feel secure when I'm with her but as soon as I don't see her I get extremely insecure. For example when she doesn't call when she said she would.

My brother told me that "the way you think about yourself is for 100% related with how women and especialy girls you are dating think about you." And this is so true. I had some bizarre anxiety attacks last month, mostly because of her. I would feel guilty for anything I do: watching porn, looking at other girls, etcetera. I know I'm a wuss and I **** up these things I have with women and I want to change. I just don't know how. I can learn how to ACT by reading Pook (what a brilliant guy!), David DeAngelo and the DJ bootcamp, but I cannot seem to change the way I THINK. I'm still a nice guy wuss who for some reason desperately needs a girl and ****s it up because of that.

****. Any suggestion is welcome........

 

[window]

Gouy, your awareness is increasing, that's why you feel bad, it's a good sign...Do this. Withdraw from this girl totally. For now, let her do all the initiating. Work a bit of challenge into your game.