"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

It was so close, I could taste it.

I

ikkenai

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It seemed great. Kino on the weekend. Rapport during drinks. Seeing me pick up, and be picked up by, other chicks at the bar. Her calling to me as I walked away (testing to see what she'd do when I knew she saw me leaving).

We studied for an hour for a test we have on saturday. Conversation worked great, and about an hour in, I decided to make a move - something simple.

"Give me your hand, I want to check something."
"Okay"
Held her hand.
"So what did you want to check?" she asks.
"That."

She pulls away her hand.

Dammit. The AFC in me wants to analyze the situation, but these days that one gesture told me all I needed to know. The subject changed back to studying and stuff, but it wasn't awkward. We parted ways after another 15-20mins of studying.

I've been LJBF'd in the past. But this time is different...

- No guilt or self-pity. I did my best to gauge her interest level, and "struck while the iron was hot."
- I'm not lame. My tactics are just in need of revision. I'm strong on the fearless bar pickup - it's getting past that point, building interest level while one-on-one that needs development.
- At the same time, I'm not analyzing and analyzing again what I didn't do right. What did it mean by her pulling away her hand? Should I have asked her then? Should I call her? What I wish I had said, wish I hadn't... it's irrelevant. That's AFC, woe-is-me garbage - lamenting over what could have been. Move on.

There's one last thing important thing that I've been reminded of by this experience, and I don't feel that it has been said enough on this forum.

It's okay to have ambitions for a girl, or to hope for the best. It's NOT okay to envision yourself in a relationship that doesn't exist. Last night I saw myself kissing in the hallway, her resting her head on my shoulder in the lounge, holding hands, between the sheets - "Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagueries of perception" as Agent Smith would say. Until you're actually doing those things, the only relationship you have is in your own mind. Live in reality, or else you're setting yourself for a fall, where a simple LJBF for her is a painful LTF breakup for you. When you do this, you are the cause of your own pain.

I hope I've contributed something worthwhile. Thanks to everyone on this forum who has shared their knowledge before me.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

H

Hollowpoint

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Sounded like you almost got some oneitis there.


"Give me your hand, I want to check something."
"Okay"
Held her hand.
"So what did you want to check?" she asks.
"That."
Click to expand...

What was your point anyways?
Didn't sound like the iron was very hot.
 
I

ikkenai

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The point was to see if she'd respond to the kino. Weak, I guess, but I was impatient.
 
D

DJDamage

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yeah, the best thing to do is not to over analyze it. Don't focus on one girl and keep doing what you were normally do by picking up others.

On a side note: Studying with a chick will usually lead to LJBF, Ive been there and it does hurt. Even when you are not a friends with her and you are just a classmate, she will turn you into a "FRIEND".

I hear people always say: I am not her friend, she is my classmate so I will try to go "get together and study route" and from there I will try to C&F and kino her and see what happens. This is just as fatal as trying to be her friend. DON"T DO IT. YOU WANT A DATE, ASK FOR IT AND BE CLEAR ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE LONGER YOU WAIT THE LONGER YOU ARE GOING TO MISS YOUR CHANCE.
 
L

Luveno

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close....

....but no cigar...for her.

Next!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

I

ikkenai

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I figured as much. That's what I was trying to do, use it as an opportunity to go C+F. Sigh. I have a really hard time judging the difference between "strike before it's too late" and "don't jump the gun." It's a tough balance to strike for me, but I guess I'm learnin'.
 
U

UltraMan

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Originally posted by ikkenai
It's okay to have ambitions for a girl, or to hope for the best. It's NOT okay to envision yourself in a relationship that doesn't exist. Last night I saw myself kissing in the hallway, her resting her head on my shoulder in the lounge, holding hands, between the sheets - "Illusions, Mr. Anderson, vagueries of perception" as Agent Smith would say. Until you're actually doing those things, the only relationship you have is in your own mind. Live in reality, or else you're setting yourself for a fall, where a simple LJBF for her is a painful LTF breakup for you. When you do this, you are the cause of your own pain.
Click to expand...
Nicely said.
 
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