It is clear as day now, I am pathetic, absolutely pathetic

[exhausted]

Looking back at messages over the last two years with the ex being over a month out with NC I was able to see with a different perspective all the BS drama and unnecessary stress I put up with. Sure all couples have fights but the way I allowed such treachery to go on is just pathetic. I even went back here on SS and found a post I made complaining how my ex cancelled the entire nights plans on me because I was gonna hit the gym on the way to her house on a Friday, even being there on time. She cancelled on me when I was on my way there (its a 35ish min drive) and did not talk to me the entire night Friday or or next day until 5ish sending me a smart ass message...Jesus Lord God who treats the one they love like this and WHY did I put up with it? I was never like this before my dad passed. Dont get me wrong I didnt sulk and act like a *****, I always fought back, hence always fighting but what the F? who takes a great relationship and just starts doing things like this as she did? We planned for me to be there at 8, I would have been there on time if not early but since I hit the gym I get cancelled and punished for days....? she didnt want me going to the gym... got damn what a horror of a person. **** like this all the time. what the F did I do? i wasnt at a bar or talking to girls, got damn i box, hit the gym, shoot pool in my basement with my son, walk my dog yet i was punished all the time for ****....wtf

It has finally become clear to me that I was so desperate for a life companion that I put up with being humiliated, yelled and screamed at, emasculated, embarrassed in public, verbally and emotionally abused for nearly 2 years. I just stuck it out and kept trying, what the Fuchik is wrong with me? Why on God's earth would I allow someone to treat me or a relationship with me like this?

I remember telling her many times that I have dated many many girls and never had anyone have trouble about things like this.....she just took a loving relationship and ruined it, destroyed it over nothing.

Well long story short, I became a pathetic pos allowing someone to treat me so terribly because I loved her and wanted her to change and improve and things work out so I could have a LIFE companion. that is how pathetic I became and am.

I am a tough guy in and out, have dealt with a lot over this life and put it all on my back and carried it all, lots of family as well as they couldn't endure a tough run we have had, I take care of my family.
But, I became pathetic to be treated this way and MORE pathetic to have wanted a life partner so bad I allowed it.

I raised my kid by myself, being a broken family you yearn so badly to fulfill that void that is like a constant knife in your soul, and that was my burden, I am 39 and that void remains, even over the last 3 years that void was there and remains, I am almost 40, 2/3 of my life is over ( my dad gone at 62 and his dad at 52) and this has been it, 18 years of raising a kid alone a broken family and it will never change.

I am as disappointed in women today as I am in allowing myself to be pathetic being treated as I was. Even though the girl has bpd it does not excuse me from not walking away.

What a sick feeling to know deep down you aren't deserving of something you are genetically built to yearn for. it is ****kkig bull****.

What I would give to never care again...to remove this programming being set up to fail...

it is a truly sick feeling

 

[Julian]

take 100% responsibility for your actions, all of them. build a bridge an get over it! dont beat yourself up over it man. if you are looking through at life through your rear view mirror you arent going to see where you should be going and ur life is going to end up fked like it is now but with more regret. take control bro

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Hey man, thanks for sharing.. it's cool to vent out thoughts.. life is FVCKING scary and incredibly unfair.

My mother left at age 11, father was absent.. grew up my teenage years living out of cars, homeless and couch surfed my friends houses.

Age 23 had a brutal breakup with the love of my life and have a 2 year old I barely see.

2 broken family's early on in life hurray!!

It's so important to live for your own cause and purpose. As a man you're stuck in a fiercly chaotic world and nothing is ever permanent. Only you are constant.

But I know when your stuck in hurt depression no amout of thinking, learning, reading, beliefs will change anything.

Let the pressure the pain is causing you take effect and it will forget you into a stronger man, face your problems head on and don't shy away. Pray for strength yada yada

 

[exhausted]

take 100% responsibility for your actions, all of them. build a bridge an get over it! dont beat yourself up over it man. if you are looking through at life through your rear view mirror you arent going to see where you should be going and ur life is going to end up fked like it is now but with more regret. take control bro

You are right.
I got caught up in trying to do every thing necessary to improve the wrongs that were occurring even when they weren't on my end.
I treated her with unconditional love and you can not do that..
this is not pity, this is being foolish beyond reason..
i felt like a family with her, no family should be treated that poorly..

 

[sazc]

I'm glad you can look back and see where you went wrong. What you didn't have were strong, healthy boundaries and a clear expectation of how you wanted to be treated/respected when you were in a relationship. And you also probably lacked the ability to speak up about how you wanted to be treated.

I had the same experience in the past 2 relationships. I re defined my expectations after the first one and, With the very last one I got stronger about voicing how I expected to be treated (nothing over the top, just always be respectful) and, when it was clear the other person couldn't accomplish that, I was able to exit knowing peacefully that this wasnt the partner for me. For me it came down to needing a level of normal symbiosis with the person I was with, a meeting of the minds s to how to tackle the difficult stuff thqt happens wit respect and grace, keeping the love intact.

My point is, use this last relationship to figure out exactly where your boundaries are and then commit to speaking your truth regarding your boundaries as soon as you need to. Resolve to do the things you didnt do in this relationship, with your next female(s). That is how you move away from repeating the cycle and change your outcome.

 

[exhausted]

I'm glad you can look back and see where you went wrong. What you didn't have were strong, healthy boundaries and a clear expectation of how you wanted to be treated/respected when you were in a relationship. And you also probably lacked the ability to speak up about how you wanted to be treated.

I had the same experience in the past 2 relationships. I re defined my expectations after the first one and, With the very last one I got stronger about voicing how I expected to be treated (nothing over the top, just always be respectful) and, when it was clear the other person couldn't accomplish that, I was able to exit knowing peacefully that this wasnt the partner for me. For me it came down to needing a level of normal symbiosis with the person I was with, a meeting of the minds s to how to tackle the difficult stuff thqt happens wit respect and grace, keeping the love intact.

My point is, use this last relationship to figure out exactly where your boundaries are and then commit to speaking your truth regarding your boundaries as soon as you need to. Resolve to do the things you didnt do in this relationship, with your next female(s). That is how you move away from repeating the cycle and change your outcome.

I spoke up about boundaries being crossed I was not acceptable to, or how I was treated and yelled at. I responded by withdrawing attention and time together. She yelled at me twice in one week and I refused to see her for about 5 weeks. Instead of her understanding why as I explained I refused to be around such treatment, she just got more mad.
We fought a lot because of things like this.
We were very close, close enough to talk about and complain about everything which lead to her either being unhappy or stonewalling conversations.
You are right about the fact that after boundaries were crossed I did not walk like I should have.
At some point you have to stop making excuses for the other person and stop thinking about how much you love them and just leave. enough is enough.

 

[exhausted]

Hey man, thanks for sharing.. it's cool to vent out thoughts.. life is FVCKING scary and incredibly unfair.

My mother left at age 11, father was absent.. grew up my teenage years living out of cars, homeless and couch surfed my friends houses.

Age 23 had a brutal breakup with the love of my life and have a 2 year old I barely see.

2 broken family's early on in life hurray!!

It's so important to live for your own cause and purpose. As a man you're stuck in a fiercly chaotic world and nothing is ever permanent. Only you are constant.

But I know when your stuck in hurt depression no amout of thinking, learning, reading, beliefs will change anything.

Let the pressure the pain is causing you take effect and it will forget you into a stronger man, face your problems head on and don't shy away. Pray for strength yada yada

thanks brother. yes I need to accept that I stayed too long, endured pathetically unfair treatment and was foolish. I can only blame myself after so much of that. Back to my mindset of being relentless in my convictions.
It is very unfair for you to have that upbringing. Is there any way you can resolve the issues with your ex and that you may be in your child's life?
If you go through life without having your child in it you will suffer greatly for it.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

The longer you stay, the more traumatized you will become, your ex girl has %100 power over your emotions.. you are spirtually and mentally wounded, getting away to heal is crucial, find god lol..

I'm happy the way my life turned out. Today I am a healthy 25 year old guy with no debt, felonies, deseases, have all my body parts intact, I'm still alive and ready to live life another day!

As a man you will fall and fail.. hard.
I balled my eyes out every night for a year when I lost my girl, pain so unimaginable WOLY CHIT HAHAH

I'm not afraid of it though, Im kind of crazy, at night I find myself muttering "is this the best you got god, come on lay it on me more, pal" I'll go through 1000 years of breakup suffering fvxk this bullchit man.

Chit, looking back growing up to all my experiences it feels like I stormed the beach's of normandy.

Not trying to talk about myself, but rather just tell my experience's to further help you! Because really man at the end of the day when your sitting on your porch smoking a cigarrite, life is so much more Beaufort then you can fathom. Healing takes time.

It's almost like a gift from God being so hurt, so attached to external things in the world.

Because the pain you suffer will humble you, and it will weed out all the bullchit habits and beliefs your ego is holding onto for dear life

"Through our wounds come our glory"

Yo I def recommend reading wild at heart, explosive book that will work wonders for you.. the imitation of Christ as well, not trying to shove religion in your face or anything but it helped me loads man!

Your goal is to come back to center, be happy within yourself. Drop your ego, forgive EVERYTHING you are mad about. And eventually you will come back into glory! Bang hot chicks wooo!!

 

[exhausted]

The longer you stay, the more traumatized you will become, your ex girl has %100 power over your emotions.. you are spirtually and mentally wounded, getting away to heal is crucial, find god lol..

I'm happy the way my life turned out. Today I am a healthy 25 year old guy with no debt, felonies, deseases, have all my body parts intact, I'm still alive and ready to live life another day!

As a man you will fall and fail.. hard.
I balled my eyes out every night for a year when I lost my girl, pain so unimaginable WOLY CHIT HAHAH

I'm not afraid of it though, Im kind of crazy, at night I find myself muttering "is this the best you got god, come on lay it on me more, pal" I'll go through 1000 years of breakup suffering fvxk this bullchit man.

Chit, looking back growing up to all my experiences it feels like I stormed the beach's of normandy.

Not trying to talk about myself, but rather just tell my experience's to further help you! Because really man at the end of the day when your sitting on your porch smoking a cigarrite, life is so much more Beaufort then you can fathom. Healing takes time.

It's almost like a gift from God being so hurt, so attached to external things in the world.

Because the pain you suffer will humble you, and it will weed out all the bullchit habits and beliefs your ego is holding onto for dear life

"Through our wounds come our glory"

Yo I def recommend reading wild at heart, explosive book that will work wonders for you.. the imitation of Christ as well, not trying to shove religion in your face or anything but it helped me loads man!

Your goal is to come back to center, be happy within yourself. Drop your ego, forgive EVERYTHING you are mad about. And eventually you will come back into glory! Bang hot chicks wooo!!

You have the correct mindset. A good, strong and relentless mindset.. makes sense.
I am a christian, I comprehend what you are saying.
I need to stop being negative, even if it takes 25 years instead of 5, nothing I can do.

 

[marmel75]

Why do you feel the need to be with someone? You don't need anyone, you are a grown man. Live life and allow others the opportunity to join you when you choose, but never feel like you need them. You don't. Having the right mindset is a powerful thing. Having the wrong mindset can lead to disaster.

 

[exhausted]

Why do you feel the need to be with someone? You don't need anyone, you are a grown man. Live life and allow others the opportunity to join you when you choose, but never feel like you need them. You don't. Having the right mindset is a powerful thing. Having the wrong mindset can lead to disaster.

Didn't need per say, just wanted..

Being a single dad at sporting events and school functions by yoursef is rough , fr 18 years..
Life is more enjoyable with a conpanion to share things with..
ever go out to eat or the movies or Kayaking by yourself? Yes sure still enjoyable but much more enjoyable to kayak and see the sights with another, build memories and experiences together..
oh well that dream is no longer.. i bow out.

 

[marmel75]

Didn't need per say, just wanted..

Being a single dad at sporting events and school functions by yoursef is rough , fr 18 years..
Life is more enjoyable with a conpanion to share things with..
ever go out to eat or the movies or Kayaking by yourself? Yes sure still enjoyable but much more enjoyable to kayak and see the sights with another, build memories and experiences together..
oh well that dream is no longer.. i bow out.

Aren't there a ton of hot single MILF's there too with their kids? You should have been cleaning up.

 

[guru1000]

Au contraire, you are not pathetic. You take the "situation" personally, but forget that failure does not exist ... only lessons.

Now are you perceptive enough to recognize the glaring lesson present in your circumstance?

Self-value is the superlative value to attain, as if you don't value yourself to the highest degree, what help can you truly be to others?

You're a KING. As stated twice already, recognize this and transcend.

--Guru

 

[Cambridge]

I raised my kid by myself, being a broken family you yearn so badly to fulfill that void that is like a constant knife in your soul, and that was my burden, I am 39 and that void remains, even over the last 3 years that void was there and remains, I am almost 40, 2/3 of my life is over ( my dad gone at 62 and his dad at 52) and this has been it, 18 years of raising a kid alone a broken family and it will never change.

You have no vision.

What I would give to never care again...to remove this programming being set up to fail...

Why would you want to care less? Don't wish that things were easier. Wish that you were better.

What's so great about intimacy anyway? You have a whole world waiting for you. Endless mysteries and possibilities. What you described is a man not doing anything with the prospects he DOES have.

 

[exhausted]

Au contraire, you are not pathetic. You take the "situation" personally, but forget that failure does not exist ... only lessons.

Now are you perceptive enough to recognize the glaring lesson present in your circumstance?

Self-value is the superlative value to attain, as if you don't value yourself to the highest degree, what help can you truly be to others?

You're a KING. As stated twice already, recognize this and transcend.

--Guru

Yes never love anyone above yourself , love is proved through actions.

 

[exhausted]

You have no vision.



Why would you want to care less? Don't wish that things were easier. Wish that you were better.

What's so great about intimacy anyway? You have a whole world waiting for you. Endless mysteries and possibilities. What you described is a man not doing anything with the prospects he DOES have.

Good points.

 

[ubercat]

Have u done the reading mate. I m always spruiking practical female psychology for the practical man. But a lot of guys here rate the book of pook or bone crackers material. When a chick cracks out or plays games nowadays I literally think ....it's just her nature poor little broken robot