It Finally Sunk in....Marriage

[Lilkoolaid]

Is rationally speaking, NOT a good decision for men. I'm nearing the end of The Rational Male and it finally sunk in that marriage truly only benefits women from a psychological, societal, and even legal standpoint. It's disturbing how men, including myself wanted to get married without realizing the gravity of what I'd be signing up for....what I'd be signing away in the process. I used to think with my **** regarding marriage but after learning about competition anxiety, comparing it to my own experiences....**** man. What the **** was I thinking!?

 

[backseatjuan]

Marriage, false sense of pssysecurity.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Marriage doesn’t benefit women either. It benefits families. Nothing else.

 

[Lilkoolaid]

Marriage doesn’t benefit women either. It benefits families. Nothing else.

It does from a psychological perspective - they've achieved security, and have successfully bound their mate in a legally binding contract..which as a result lowers competition anxiety. The list goes on.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It does from a psychological perspective - they've achieved security, and have successfully bound their mate in a legally binding contract..which as a result lowers competition anxiety. The list goes on.

Agree. The man is binded not the woman.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

It does from a psychological perspective - they've achieved security, and have successfully bound their mate in a legally binding contract..which as a result lowers competition anxiety. The list goes on.

i suppose if she can’t work that’s true. or has a hard time opening jars. if it’s about resources, it’s about kids.

i was married for a looooong time. now single, i have more access to resources than ever. trips, dinners,sex, etc. so how would marriage benefit a women without kids (family).

a women can not marry and have an LTR. marriage doesn’t make a man not cheat or stay in the relationship.

 

[Lilkoolaid]

i suppose if she can’t work that’s true. or has a hard time opening jars. if it’s about resources, it’s about kids.

i was married for a looooong time. now single, i have more access to resources than ever. trips, dinners,sex, etc. so how would marriage benefit a women without kids (family).

a women can not marry and have an LTR. marriage doesn’t make a man not cheat or stay in the relationship.

Sorry, thought I added this as a reply - I'm new here lol:

Even if she does work it's true. The psychological aspect applies to women regardless of their career or financial status. Doesn't have anything to do with strength, unless we're talking about physical protector-like strength for the household. Women look for that too whether they'll admit or not. I suspect this is in preparation for children, and it prob magnifies when kids come into the picture.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Sorry, thought I added this as a reply - I'm new here lol:

Even if she does work it's true. The psychological aspect applies to women regardless of their career or financial status. Doesn't have anything to do with strength, unless we're talking about physical protector-like strength for the household. Women look for that too whether they'll admit or not. I suspect this is in preparation for children, and it prob magnifies when kids come into the picture.

i just am not convinced. i enjoy men for who they are and what they offer. the yang to my yin. but i don’t ever think of them as cash cows and gettig married to “lock one in” seems illogical and maybe cynical. getting married doesn’t lower compete anxiety either. the “men always cheat” image is always there. although women cheat more than men.

 

[Lilkoolaid]

i just am not convinced. i enjoy men for who they are and what they offer. the yang to my yin. but i don’t ever think of them as cash cows and gettig married to “lock one in” seems illogical and maybe cynical. getting married doesn’t lower compete anxiety either. the “men always cheat” image is always there. although women cheat more than men.

Sounds like a difference of opinion. Totally respect yours. I'm a male and I've never been married so the best I can do is learn about our needs from a generalized, psychological perspective as well as listen to the individual stories of various divorcees, and those still married. Glad to see you don't see men as cash cows! I was saying security and all it entails is a subconscious, psychological goal that seems to be of higher importance to most women. If you're different, great! Regarding the cheating thing, I wonder if both men and women nowadays see marriage as making it more difficult for their SO to cheat.....cheating may help with the divorce benefits and what not...food for thought

 

[Alvafe]

i just am not convinced. i enjoy men for who they are and what they offer. the yang to my yin. but i don’t ever think of them as cash cows and gettig married to “lock one in” seems illogical and maybe cynical. getting married doesn’t lower compete anxiety either. the “men always cheat” image is always there. although women cheat more than men.

you lack to understand, the point of origin, of such, woman need to ahve security in a way men are used to provide, and also validation. and even like you did mention marriage don't bind the guy, you are damned on a divorce, depending on your area if she works or not menas nothing you will still provide for her and any kid you marked as yours, even if they are not, its a bad deal on the whole emotional and financial way, you said you benefit, but I would bet you did spend a lot more then you normally would alone, or just having fun dating around, plus the whole head aches you get with her, also note you are now single, so it did fallout, so all time, money invested was wasted

men are used as a social proff for woman too, a woman single after certain age is already something most people figure there is something wrong with her, why no guy want to stay with her, it get worse even more without kids

 

[Medina]

I guess as the "married guy" I better weigh in

Of course I see all the reservations that young men might have about marriage. It's a risk, no doubt about it. But fortune favors the brave and I'll explain why.

First, I want to point out there is also another group who agrees with your position on this topic.... The Feminists. Think about that. If marriage was so bad to men, and so good to women - why would the feminists hate it so much?

Fatherhood, the man of the house, the king of the castle, the continuing of your name. You don't think it's worth a shot? I've seen people risk their fortunes and squander their lives for much, much less.

 

[zekko]

Is rationally speaking, NOT a good decision for men. I'm nearing the end of The Rational Male and it finally sunk in that marriage truly only benefits women from a psychological, societal, and even legal standpoint.

So why is Rollo married?

i just am not convinced. i enjoy men for who they are and what they offer. the yang to my yin. but i don’t ever think of them as cash cows and gettig married to “lock one in” seems illogical and maybe cynical..

You don't need to have the intent to "lock one in", the law does that for you.

Although these days, I'm seeing more and more relationships where women are the breadwinner, and the men are little more than sponges.
Man or woman, I guess it's kind of like having a pet around, helps keep you from getting lonely.

 

[lgbs2004]

The problem is not getting married. The problem is marrying the wrong woman or a woman who doesn't really love you and is only with you to have a provider.
I know many successful marriages.

 

[zekko]

The problem is not getting married. The problem is marrying the wrong woman or a woman who doesn't really love you and is only with you to have a provider.

No, the problem is that people can change over time, and there isn't really anything you can do to prevent that, even if you wanted to.
I agree marriage can be successful, but there's always an inherent risk. Make sure you understand that before taking the plunge.

Although yes, certainly many people choose the wrong partner. Plus some people just aren't cut out to get along with someone long term.

 

[AbleDad]

My ex-wife and I got married to have kids, and we did that. If we met today, I don't know if we would get married. She has always made more money and she already had a previous marriage, so the incentive for marriage was never strong for her. I can't say that it was ever strong for me either.

As for getting married again, I can't see it happening. I've been divorced for 12 years and my Dad (almost 84) is still single after his divorce.

 

[lgbs2004]

No, the problem is that people can change over time, and there isn't really anything you can do to prevent that, even if you wanted to.

In every long-term contract there is a risk of failure, but I agree when you say that people can change overnight and there is nothing we can do about it.

 

[RickTheToad]

Marriage doesn’t benefit women either. It benefits families. Nothing else.

Are you high?

 

[AbleDad]

i suppose if she can’t work that’s true. or has a hard time opening jars. if it’s about resources, it’s about kids.

i was married for a looooong time. now single, i have more access to resources than ever. trips, dinners,sex, etc. so how would marriage benefit a women without kids (family).

a women can not marry and have an LTR. marriage doesn’t make a man not cheat or stay in the relationship.

Your viewpoint is not common, but I've met women who feel the same way. They have their own money and they value their freedom more than the resources that they could extract.

 

[RickTheToad]

My ex-wife and I got married to have kids, and we did that. If we met today, I don't know if we would get married. She has always made more money and she already had a previous marriage, so the incentive for marriage was never strong for her. I can't say that it was ever strong for me either.

As for getting married again, I can't see it happening. I've been divorced for 12 years and my Dad (almost 84) is still single after his divorce.

There in lies the problem. She was of higher value than you were. Ladies marry up, not down, usually. How old were both of you when you signed the contract?

 

[Lilkoolaid]

I guess as the "married guy" I better weigh in

Of course I see all the reservations that young men might have about marriage. It's a risk, no doubt about it. But fortune favors the brave and I'll explain why.

First, I want to point out there is also another group who agrees with your position on this topic.... The Feminists. Think about that. If marriage was so bad to men, and so good to women - why would the feminists hate it so much?

Fatherhood, the man of the house, the king of the castle, the continuing of your name. You don't think it's worth a shot? I've seen people risk their fortunes and squander their lives for much, much less.

I feel, this is old-fashioned, medieval thinking. I'm not obligated to do that. If I so choose, I can enjoy a life with my own ambitions as a focus, and keep a casual relationship, or not. I'm not required to have kids, but even if I wanted to do so, I don't need to be married to do that. I keep wishing for a logical, rational reason to get married but these are not modern reasons for marriage. They're old-fashioned, and I am 27. Could give a **** about what feminists are doing. I care about what I'm doing.