Issue thats bugging me with LTR!

[schaff]

I've been seeing my current GF for almost a year now and for the most part everything is going great and I generally enjoy being with her. There has just been one issue thats been getting to me quite a bit recently and that see has befriended the group of people that I have hung around with for the last 4 years. It is a mixed group with there being almost 50/50 male to female ratio or about 10 people and they seem to have taken quite a shine to her. She got introduced to them by me when she said that she wanted to meet them all cause I spent quite a large amount of time with them in different numbers. The trouble is now if/when we break up I'm totally screwed friendship wise. I know she's gonna want keep seeing them and they will want to see her. So I'll never be able to get rid of her. Its been getting to me recently that they actually invite her to hang out without asking me as well. Shes almost become total best bud's with one of my close female friends too. Some of the guy friends are also blantely flirting with her and kinda disrespecting me. I've called them up on this but all they say is "we don't see her as your GF and more of a friend of ours". Like WTF.

**** I really don't know what to do about this. Maybe I am being jealous and a chump but man I've never had this before. My GF and my friends were always kept in seperate aspects of my life and now I know why.

 

[JohnJones]

That's a rough one -- any possibility that you can find new friends? I ask because someone is going to suggest that these are not friends of yours if they hit on her because they "don't see her as your girlfriend"

 

[NRM]

Yeah, it is a tough one. I've always tried to keep my girlfriend and friends separate. When you aren't with your girlfriend, you can be with your friends or when you aren't with your friends, you're on a date with your girlfriend. Keeps everything tidy. You can't really come off and tell her not to be friends with them anymore, it's gone too far. I do think your guy friends are kind of jackasses though. I would never call my friend's girlfriend to ask her to hang out, even if we were close friends. It's just not something you should do.

You're going to have to deal with it as things go by. If she does break up with you, then you'll have to figure it out when the time comes. Tough one man.

 

[schaff]

Yeah I know. I mean I know where her loyalities lie cause I had a bit of a moment one night when I was drunk and mentioned I was worried about this issue and she even said if it made me happy she'd try and avoid contact with them all together. She said that she only really made friends with them so she could see me more when I went out. I mean this girl absolutely adores me. I said I don't want her to stop seeing them cause it isn't fair but I slowly see it getting worse and worse, especially as I haven't got as much time to see them and her at the moment and she tends to hang out with the group when I'm not around (I'm very busy at the moment with work and trying to get a band I'm in exposure).

If it weren't too fair down the line I would have probably broken up with her for this reason alone and cut my losses even though she is total LTR material and I've really fallen for her over the last few months (I've had a few drug related problems and she's really been there for me). Cause of this I can't hang out with my old drug buddies and these are the only friends (apart from my band) I have left.

Anyone else got any suggestions or have I just gotta bite the bullet, see how it goes and deal with it if we break up.

 

[NRM]

Well, if she said that she would avoid them to make you happy, you should have taken it. Usually, when I have a problem with something my girlfriend does, I'll call her on it early, tell her I don't appreciate it. And that's it. If she cares about what makes me happy, she'll change. And the girlfriend always does.

If she really is only hanging out with them to be close to you, then you should find out a way to get her away from it. Does she have any other friends? You could try the honest route and ask her if she remembers back to the time you were drunk and told her about how you felt and whatevers. Since you told her it was okay, that gave her the go ahead to move on.

It's just going to be tough. You're going to have to make a choice. You either tell her it doesn't make you comfortable that she's hanging out with the group of guys and girls because the guys hit on her and you need some time on your own sometimes, or you can bite that bullet. It's up to you, but if you mean anything to her, telling her that should stop her. Hopefully she has some other friends to fall back on or something.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

ok bro schaff its like this:

no one can stop physical attraction. there are and always will be people attracted to your mate.

2nd, quit being a chump. sounds like you've fell out of the groove with her by worrying about her instead of yourself.

third, why worry about the friends circle. if you are being your cool macho self, the rest would be more worried about your friendship than hers.

i'm a bit confused here: are you jealous of this woman? why worry about your friend circle if she adores you?

jealousy happens to the guys not sure of themselves because they aint doing their homework.

good luck with the band and concentrate on YOU.

 

[BGMan]

FratAndDiddy is correct.

If she adores you, she won't go to bed with other guys. If they flirt with her, take it as a compliment to YOU (on having such a great girl) rather than trying to break it off with them.

BGMan

 

[dietzcoi]

However, their flirting with her in front of you is disrespect to YOU. It has nothing to do with jealousy and nothing to do with her actions either. These are NOT your friends.

I would steer her away from them. You gain nothing by having her freinds with them

Dietzcoi

 

[DJmonster]

The only time my gf sees my friends is when my friends bring a girl too, otherwise I hang out with them seperately. This works great for me, maybe you should try that. You don't have to tell your girl to stop seeing your so called friends. Just don't hang out with those friends if they invite your gf too. Learn to say no to each individual situation. For instance, you and your girl are hanging out and one of the friends calls you and invites you both to hang out, say no, you've got plans or whatever. If one of your so called friends calls your girl and invites her, she says yes/let me consult my bf/maybe/or whatever, she invites you/says lets go hang with them/or says i'm going, want to come with me - you say no thanks/don't feel like it/want to just be with you tonight/ or whatever.

Just don't let yourself get into mixed gf/friend situations. Here's a question, are you inviting these friends to do things with you without your gf? You should be, or you should find some friends you can do that with.