Is your body language consistent with your "attitude"?

[Scars]

One thing I've realized through my friend (someone who I learned most of my natural game from) is the art of body language. It's nothing he ever verbalized to me, but it was a recent observation I made and have been putting into practice.

I always wondered how this guy got girls to approach him even without saying a word. Whenever we encountered a 2-3 set, he usually had first dibs. He would take the hottest one, and I would get the "leftovers". This amazed me, because I actually considered myself more attractive looking. But a closer observation made me realize how he carries himself and it works for him.

We've all ran C+F on woman, but this guy's aura simply screams confident/****y. Even if he doesn't say a single word, you get this feeling like "I got to be SOMEBODY just to talk to him." I've been his friend sense high school, so he treats me as an equal, but being the observationalist I am, I have noticed that often men are intimidated by him and woman simply lust him.

This is a guy who always stands/sits with good posture. He usually flails his arms exaggeratedly while walking, broadens his shoulders and often walks "wide" to give himself a "bigger presence". When a girl is talking (especially one that I KNOW he is attracted to/trying to bed), he has an expressionless/indifferent look on his face. He truly seems like he "doesn't care." His body just always seems relaxed, like he can take on anything.

Now, you can learn a bunch of gimmicks on this site, but I think body language is something that is often missed. What's an awesome C+F line, if your body is saying something completely opposite?

When we have our arms folded, or keep our bodies closed in, we are telling people we want to "protect" ourselves, we make the target of our body smaller, and we aren't as noticeable. Subconsciously, all men and woman pick up on this. It takes about 4 minutes to make a first impression on someone. Sometimes we make this impression without even saying a word, but it will follow us through our future relationships with this person forever.

What is your body telling other people?

Do you hunch over?
Do you keep your shoulders broad?
Do you cross your legs while you sit (either at the ankles, or legs?)
Do you sit more elevated than other people, or lower than other people?
Do you lean back?
Do you put your hands in your pockets a lot?

All of these things can send signals to other people about you. They may not fully recognize them consciencely, but deep down in their head they already have a good "understanding" of who you are.

Try a social experiment. Go out and try to emanate and aura of confidence. Be conscience of the way you sit, walk, and interact with others. I have been doing this lately and have noticed amazing results already. I feel more respected by men, and I find wandering female eyes looking at me more frequently. Of course, the goal is to actually BE/FEEL confident so you emanate this aura naturally, but for some of us, we have to fake it until we make it.

http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/body_language.htm

Good luck my friends.

-Scars

 

[btownbuck2012]

i know EXACTLY what you're talking about. However, it's hard to describe but when you are around someone with this 'presence' or 'aura', if you will, it's unmistakable.

I have been in the zone like this several times when out cold approaching. For me, it's being 100% comfortable in my own skin and it's scary how much power and control you have over other people when you're feeling this way about yourself. I don't mean that in a negative way either but when you're confident, not just acting, but TRULY confident the sky is the limit.

Dbot wrote something awhile ago about this. It's expecting to be treated a certain way by other people, so they respond accordingly. It's knowing, not acting or trying to belive, but KNOWING that you're the man. Again, it's hard to describe but i guess the best way would be being 100% comfortable in your own skin.

Me, personally, i get this way when i've been out talking to a-lot of people for a while. When i'm socializing at parties, football games, work, etc for a-while i naturally kick into this gear and people just look at me...differently. It's really QUITE interesting. The only problem is i WISH i could turn it on, i.e. like flipping a switch. But I can't. For me in order to get this "auru" I have to be around people A-LOT for long periods of time.

Good post, scars.

 

[pdx1138]

Great post Scars!

I learned about the body language a few years ago and make a point to sit up straight NOT have hands in pockets, walk like I'm walking in a swimming pool...etc...

I'd also add that looking someone in the eyes is powerful as well. Police are trained to do this for an intimidation factor. I got pulled over for running yellow light and the cop had his eyes on me like an eagle ready to kill a mouse, I gave it straight back to him.

Oddly enough though my confidence does sway low at times I've never had any difficulty looking someone in the eye.

awesome post.

 

[Stagger Lee]

This is along the lines of what I'm always saying that what you say or all these pick up tactics like C+F etc are not the active ingredient for attraction. Or at the least they are only effective if what you are nonverbally communicating is effective as well. It is your appearance or presentation that causes attraction or not. Not just your physical looks, although that is important, but the visual cues the females are picking up mostly from your body language and nonverbals. That is the thing that will make it or break it for you.

These or things that one can change and improve upon it, but it's not easy to do. Some people say that how you are feeling mentally will always be communicated in your body language and can't be hidden or faked. I don't agree since some people have weak body language that belies their having a solid or confident mentality, and vice versa some people who are internally a train wreck can present a strong appearance. I liken it to acting. Some people are good at presenting an attractive appearance and some are not. Women are superficial and react to what they see. The difficulty is in you have to know what presentation or act you need that is attractive and you need to be able to know how and if you are presenting that. PUA material only pays lip service to this. But it's something that takes practice if it's not something you naturally do.

 

[Atom Smasher]

William Shakespeare:

"Assume a virtue if you have it not."

 

[Rogue]

Back when I was a young teenager, I would walk with my eyes looking down to the ground and hunched over. I eventually fixed those mistakes and now almost always walk looking straight ahead and standing tall. I also used to be a speed walker but eventually realized it's anti-seductive, so I walk and move slower. 

I thought it was fine but about a year ago I realized more work needed to be done. I discovered Roissy and learned about thrusting the chest, holding the chin raised up, and standing with your feet wide apart. One mistake I discovered on my own that I was making, which gets fixed with the thrusted chest and chin, is what I call the Ostrich Neck. You can be standing perfectly tall but, if you look from the side, your neck tilts forward; it's subtle but noticeably awkward. Now with these new adjustments, I do much better, especially with bold engaging eye contact.

Body language is very hard to learn but that's when you try to do it all at once. It's hard enough to be holding up conversation. But it's far easier when you pick a couple of things, drill it into your head, make it a habit, and move onto the next ones.

 

[Drewskie]

This exact thing you are talking about is the thing I was trying most to learn about when I came to this forum. Do you guys think this is something that can actually be learned? I feel as though the "aura", that confident vibe isn't from body language, but from the way you feel mentally, the attitude as you said. So it is technically working the other way around.

 

[xdreamz]

just watch out for quick sudden jolts in different directions...that gives off the impression that u are easily distracted therefore causing a loss of attraction. i actually learned that when u pass by them and don't even look at them, they are very bothered by it, idk..maybe turn that into one of those neg rocket thingies that mystery method uses. it's okay to lean in if it's too loud & u can't hear them, it's okay to approach the target directly only when u kno they are interested *sexually receptive to ur advances*.. if they are not then u politely ask them to introduce their friends u will more than likely find a better target.

u should be like the marine corp is.. always ready to approach.

 

[influencemaster]

Best way to do it is to video tape yourself

 

[CuriousGirl]

Completely agree, I've always noticed body language first and I think a lot of girls are sensitive to it. I was on holiday last week on a hot and sunny island with the girls and I noticed the first thing we all notice is the posture and walk. After that your eyes focus on other things, but it's definitely body language that will draw attention to you, walking and stance in particular.
Obviously it's good to be sensitive to female body language, you can see "No, not at all." "Maybe." and "Yes, right now." from across the room.

 

[SlapJackPat]

Dude this is 100% true.
After you are around enough guys with good body language . You will start to SEE what the magic is.
i finnaly found out. Its not what your mouth says but what is your posture, walk, and body saying. Practice this and fer sure you will see results

 

[SlapJackPat]

100% true .
I had a friend just like this ..he would exaggerate his hand movements slightly but noticably when talking.. Had a cool walk. And just spoke with his body alot.
Its almost like his presence has a magical feeling ( NO HOMO ) hes just 'out there'. And girls really dig it.
So basically what your body says is 64884739 times more important than what your mouth says. Practice this and you will fer sure get attention.

 

[Aaron B]

the best responses I've gotten from women have coincided with times I was exhibiting exaggerated dominant body language such as you described

I once had a waitress follow me out into the parking lot as I was experimenting with almost comically over-the-top, intentionally slow and dominant body language

Getting up from my table in a very slow and deliberate fashion, standing up as slowly and as tall as possible, leaning my head back and away from her and literally looking down on her

I once got annoyed at people crowding me at a buffet line and used exaggerated dominant body language to make myself as large as possible and immediately got approached by an attractive woman.

I'm convinced that women have no choice but to respond to it. I've worked on my "default" body language to the point that its always conveys confidence (I always have good posture and stand tall), but its been the intentional over-the-top dominant style that has had the most dramatic impact

Another time at a bar I used it to the point that I was having to focus a lot of my attention simply on holding my shoulders up and back as much as possible and got strong IOI's from an HB8 (and those are rare in these parts) who I was able to lead to another bar and isolate.

I enjoy all those prison documentaries that come on the history channel and discovery and this one inmate who had access to private conjugal visits with his wife referred to the time away from the other prisoners as being able to "let his shoulders down" which I thought was an interesting comment and an indicator of how conscious he is of his body language in that environment.

I've also noticed that really large guys (not obese tubs of lard, but really big dudes) almost always take up a ton of space in public, when logically you would think they would want to try to accommodate others by taking up less space. But then you see lots of smaller and average-sized dudes who will make themselves smaller to accommodate the movements of others. I used to "break" my shoulders a lot to let people get by, now I keep my shoulders back and if I need to take up less space I'll turn sideways like I see the big guys doing.

Also most women who are bigger than average in the upper back and shoulders tend to have dominant body language. I figure if they feel good enough about themselves as women to strut around with their shoulders up and back and their chests out, why shouldn't I?

 

[gaspipe]

the best responses I've gotten from women have coincided with times I was exhibiting exaggerated dominant body language such as you described

I once had a waitress follow me out into the parking lot as I was experimenting with almost comically over-the-top, intentionally slow and dominant body language

Getting up from my table in a very slow and deliberate fashion, standing up as slowly and as tall as possible, leaning my head back and away from her and literally looking down on her

I once got annoyed at people crowding me at a buffet line and used exaggerated dominant body language to make myself as large as possible and immediately got approached by an attractive woman.

I'm convinced that women have no choice but to respond to it. I've worked on my "default" body language to the point that its always conveys confidence (I always have good posture and stand tall), but its been the intentional over-the-top dominant style that has had the most dramatic impact

Another time at a bar I used it to the point that I was having to focus a lot of my attention simply on holding my shoulders up and back as much as possible and got strong IOI's from an HB8 (and those are rare in these parts) who I was able to lead to another bar and isolate.

I enjoy all those prison documentaries that come on the history channel and discovery and this one inmate who had access to private conjugal visits with his wife referred to the time away from the other prisoners as being able to "let his shoulders down" which I thought was an interesting comment and an indicator of how conscious he is of his body language in that environment.

I've also noticed that really large guys (not obese tubs of lard, but really big dudes) almost always take up a ton of space in public, when logically you would think they would want to try to accommodate others by taking up less space. But then you see lots of smaller and average-sized dudes who will make themselves smaller to accommodate the movements of others. I used to "break" my shoulders a lot to let people get by, now I keep my shoulders back and if I need to take up less space I'll turn sideways like I see the big guys doing.

Its funny that you mention the waitress following you out to the parking lot. I had a similar episode wherein a receptionist who used to work at my office one day followed me all the way to the parking lot where I work and that day I recall feeling quite confident walking tall and with my chest out.

Its almost like a mating call that some women cant resist.

In fact theres this one girl I know who commented that she can get wet just by watching the way a guy walks.

This post brings up some very valid insights.