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Is this girl stringing me along?

EternalBachelor

Don Juan
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I met this East European girl a month ago on Match.

It took a while to set up a date because she seemed to always be busy travelling or with her friends and it was hard to engage in a conversation by text as she would often ignore texts or take days to reply. But eventually she agreed to meet for a drink.

She was very touchy feely and dominated the conversation. But she was very charming and vivacious so I enjoyed myself even though it felt she was in control and I could not read her interest level. I felt I was being toyed with somehow. At the end of the evening I tried to kiss her and she gave me her cheek.

We set up another date. The evening at before at 10pm she cancelled without giving a reason but said she was on her way back from drinks with a friend and we could meet up. I felt it was weak to accept a last minute counter-offer and said I was busy but we could do another time. I texted her a few days later and asked her out. She said she wasn't feeling well but should be OK by Sunday so I suggested a film. Sunday she cancelled saying she wasn't feeling well. I said it was a shame and left it a week before texting her to ask how she was. She said she was feeling better and phoned me up and was quite friendly and flirtatious.

We arranged another date for the following evening. Her touching was a lot more sexually aggressive and was massaging my shouldders and put my hand underneath my shirt feeling my chest hair and bizarrely squueezing my nipples asking if it hurt. We made out and she let me touch her breasts and her bum and her legs. We moved to another bar where they had some music and she insisted on dancing. I am not much of a dancer and felt a bit uncomfortable and she seemed disappointed. But she tried to teach me a few moves and we'd dance every so often. She then started asking whether my room was tidy and whether I had clean bedsheets and where I lived and when she hadn't heard of it she asked me to put her postcode in her phone before commenting it was quite far from her. So it looked as if the evening was heading towards going home together.

The bar closed and we went to the station and was assuming we'd go home together. But she abruptly said "Goodnight" and said she was taking the northern line and asked what line i was taking. I said "uh jubilee" and then she was gone. I was a little drunk and tired and she took me by surprise. I thought we had an understanding but by saying goodnight I thought she was signalling the evening was over and did not want to seem pushy by asking her to come home with me. Also I had a bit too much to drink and was tired so did not think I'd be able to perform and she seemed like she would be demanding in bed.

the next day i text her "good morning" she replied "good morning" but when i asked how she was feeling and joked i think i had a bit too much rum she ignored my text. So i am not sure what to do next.

It has been two months since we first got in touch on match and only two dates and she isn't interested in keeping touch by text although she does usually reply when i ask her out. perhaps the illness was genuine and explains the cancellations. and she let things go quite far physically last date. but she hasn't shown any real affection or excitement around me. Instead i kind of feel like i am being toyed with and she only meets up with me when she is bored and has nothing better to do.
 

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Ohso-Phresh

Senior Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
431
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312
I met this East European girl a month ago on Match.

It took a while to set up a date because she seemed to always be busy travelling or with her friends and it was hard to engage in a conversation by text as she would often ignore texts or take days to reply. But eventually she agreed to meet for a drink.

She was very touchy feely and dominated the conversation. But she was very charming and vivacious so I enjoyed myself even though it felt she was in control and I could not read her interest level. I felt I was being toyed with somehow. At the end of the evening I tried to kiss her and she gave me her cheek.

We set up another date. The evening at before at 10pm she cancelled without giving a reason but said she was on her way back from drinks with a friend and we could meet up. I felt it was weak to accept a last minute counter-offer and said I was busy but we could do another time. I texted her a few days later and asked her out. She said she wasn't feeling well but should be OK by Sunday so I suggested a film. Sunday she cancelled saying she wasn't feeling well. I said it was a shame and left it a week before texting her to ask how she was. She said she was feeling better and phoned me up and was quite friendly and flirtatious.

We arranged another date for the following evening. Her touching was a lot more sexually aggressive and was massaging my shouldders and put my hand underneath my shirt feeling my chest hair and bizarrely squueezing my nipples asking if it hurt. We made out and she let me touch her breasts and her bum and her legs. We moved to another bar where they had some music and she insisted on dancing. I am not much of a dancer and felt a bit uncomfortable and she seemed disappointed. But she tried to teach me a few moves and we'd dance every so often. She then started asking whether my room was tidy and whether I had clean bedsheets and where I lived and when she hadn't heard of it she asked me to put her postcode in her phone before commenting it was quite far from her. So it looked as if the evening was heading towards going home together.

The bar closed and we went to the station and was assuming we'd go home together. But she abruptly said "Goodnight" and said she was taking the northern line and asked what line i was taking. I said "uh jubilee" and then she was gone. I was a little drunk and tired and she took me by surprise. I thought we had an understanding but by saying goodnight I thought she was signalling the evening was over and did not want to seem pushy by asking her to come home with me. Also I had a bit too much to drink and was tired so did not think I'd be able to perform and she seemed like she would be demanding in bed.

the next day i text her "good morning" she replied "good morning" but when i asked how she was feeling and joked i think i had a bit too much rum she ignored my text. So i am not sure what to do next.

It has been two months since we first got in touch on match and only two dates and she isn't interested in keeping touch by text although she does usually reply when i ask her out. perhaps the illness was genuine and explains the cancellations. and she let things go quite far physically last date. but she hasn't shown any real affection or excitement around me. Instead i kind of feel like i am being toyed with and she only meets up with me when she is bored and has nothing better to do.
Your chance was when the iron was hot. Being drunk slows you down. She’s leading, your following. The energy peaked in the bar, when she start asking about logistics is when you should have pulled her home or gone to hers.

Also, she doesn’t want a relationship.
 

EternalBachelor

Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
132
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Scotland
Yeah she definitely doesn't seem to have any romantic interest in me.

Is it better to just ignore her and wait to see if she gets in touch? Or should I just wait a week or so and ask her out again?
Given the virus lockdown netflix and chill is pretty much the only date possibility.
 

Ohso-Phresh

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 22, 2020
Messages
431
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Yeah she definitely doesn't seem to have any romantic interest in me.

Is it better to just ignore her and wait to see if she gets in touch? Or should I just wait a week or so and ask her out again?
Given the virus lockdown netflix and chill is pretty much the only date possibility.
You need to improve first. Open other women and work on your sticking point.
 
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samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
6,181
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2,562
Location
Colorado Panhandle
Yeah she definitely doesn't seem to have any romantic interest in me.

Is it better to just ignore her and wait to see if she gets in touch? Or should I just wait a week or so and ask her out again?
Given the virus lockdown netflix and chill is pretty much the only date possibility.
You're making her the focal point of your decisions. You need a wholesale paradigm shift.
 

Amante Silvestre

Moderator
Joined
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You don’t have what it takes right now to handle this woman; your behavior is not calibrated for these types.

Because you’re not in control, you’re needs, wants, desires and feelings will always be secondary. This is why she cancels without reason or much notice. This is why she doesnt text back for days sometimes. This is why she can provide any excuse she wants without hesitation, because she knows she’s in control, you will buy it and you will giver her another benefit of doubt chance.

Even if you eventually have sex with her, you will lose.

You have a temperament best suited for fat girl thinking, not sexy world traveler thinking. I suspect you’ve only gotten this far because she is a highly extroverted opportunist who is probably a little slutty.

Work on your control/dominance/masculinity issues if you want to fix these kinds of problems with women.
 

7onriverI f

Don Juan
Joined
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you need to shave your head and look like vin diesel. do it now. you will have so much sex if you follow this advice.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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Your chance was when the iron was hot. Being drunk slows you down. She’s leading, your following. The energy peaked in the bar, when she start asking about logistics is when you should have pulled her home or gone to hers.

Also, she doesn’t want a relationship.
+1

there's a reason why when it's hot, you crush. When it's not, you go for it anyway. it makes for a funny story to tell. moreover you did your part.
 

Danger

Master Don Juan
Joined
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She is using you to feel desired.

She gets a kick out of getting men worked up, and then walking away.

What does that tell you?
 
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oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
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Your chance was when the iron was hot. Being drunk slows you down. She’s leading, your following. The energy peaked in the bar, when she start asking about logistics is when you should have pulled her home or gone to hers.

Also, she doesn’t want a relationship.
This.

When she said she never heard of it and said it was far from her place, you should have said with a smile, "Yeah, too bad... guess you wont' get to come over to experience my clean sheets followed by an entire week of walking funny......" Any time a girl tries to disqualify me, I agree with her. Yesterday a girl I have been dating for a couple months told me during a conversation, "I'm coming to realize that our movie tastes are not compatible..." My response was, "Yeah, you're definitely right! It's like oil and water." She responded with, " :( " and then immediately invited me to see a movie with her this weekend and gave me several potential movie suggestions she thought I might like lol.

I mentioned in another thread that assertive, dominant women need to be met with a higher level of assertiveness and dominance than they exhibit. This woman was looking for you to start leading, standing up to her, and order her back to your house for the pounding of a lifetime. Now, there is no guarantee that she would have followed your instructions to come back with you but if anything was going to work, that's the thing that would have done it.
 

jnMissouri

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
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Your chance was when the iron was hot. Being drunk slows you down. She’s leading, your following. The energy peaked in the bar, when she start asking about logistics is when you should have pulled her home or gone to hers.

Also, she doesn’t want a relationship.

All of this. S&D MIGHT work here, but the girl is LI, move on and find HI women.
 

ShePays

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
1,650
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Location
Southeast USA
I met this East European girl a month ago on Match.

It took a while to set up a date because she seemed to always be busy travelling or with her friends and it was hard to engage in a conversation by text as she would often ignore texts or take days to reply. But eventually she agreed to meet for a drink.

She was very touchy feely and dominated the conversation. But she was very charming and vivacious so I enjoyed myself even though it felt she was in control and I could not read her interest level. I felt I was being toyed with somehow. At the end of the evening I tried to kiss her and she gave me her cheek.

We set up another date. The evening at before at 10pm she cancelled without giving a reason but said she was on her way back from drinks with a friend and we could meet up. I felt it was weak to accept a last minute counter-offer and said I was busy but we could do another time. I texted her a few days later and asked her out. She said she wasn't feeling well but should be OK by Sunday so I suggested a film. Sunday she cancelled saying she wasn't feeling well. I said it was a shame and left it a week before texting her to ask how she was. She said she was feeling better and phoned me up and was quite friendly and flirtatious.

We arranged another date for the following evening. Her touching was a lot more sexually aggressive and was massaging my shouldders and put my hand underneath my shirt feeling my chest hair and bizarrely squueezing my nipples asking if it hurt. We made out and she let me touch her breasts and her bum and her legs. We moved to another bar where they had some music and she insisted on dancing. I am not much of a dancer and felt a bit uncomfortable and she seemed disappointed. But she tried to teach me a few moves and we'd dance every so often. She then started asking whether my room was tidy and whether I had clean bedsheets and where I lived and when she hadn't heard of it she asked me to put her postcode in her phone before commenting it was quite far from her. So it looked as if the evening was heading towards going home together.

The bar closed and we went to the station and was assuming we'd go home together. But she abruptly said "Goodnight" and said she was taking the northern line and asked what line i was taking. I said "uh jubilee" and then she was gone. I was a little drunk and tired and she took me by surprise. I thought we had an understanding but by saying goodnight I thought she was signalling the evening was over and did not want to seem pushy by asking her to come home with me. Also I had a bit too much to drink and was tired so did not think I'd be able to perform and she seemed like she would be demanding in bed.

the next day i text her "good morning" she replied "good morning" but when i asked how she was feeling and joked i think i had a bit too much rum she ignored my text. So i am not sure what to do next.

It has been two months since we first got in touch on match and only two dates and she isn't interested in keeping touch by text although she does usually reply when i ask her out. perhaps the illness was genuine and explains the cancellations. and she let things go quite far physically last date. but she hasn't shown any real affection or excitement around me. Instead i kind of feel like i am being toyed with and she only meets up with me when she is bored and has nothing better to do.
Have you checked your credit card statement? If she's a bar girl, she makes a living dragging guys to clip joints, for a commission.
 

gettinit

Don Juan
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This woman was looking for you to start leading, standing up to her, and order her back to your house for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sounds right on the mark. She even put it on a silver platter by playing with your chest and asking if you had clean sheets. This was no mother Theresa and she sounds to have been waiting for you to tell her that she was coming home with you. There was no way you were ever going to "nice" this one into bed. The attack must match the terrain and there was no need for a careful ambush here, just a full frontal assault. You waited and she was gone without a shot fired...
 
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Glassguy

Master Don Juan
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She then started asking whether my room was tidy and whether I had clean bedsheets and where I lived
This is where you failed. Response should have been:
"I do have clean bed sheets. Lets get out of here and go dirty them up". At that point she either goes with you or you back off and try once more to escalate her back to your place.

I think at this point, if I were you, I would wait a few days and send her a really direct text and invite her over to check out those bed sheets. If she stalls around or sidesteps the text, next her and stop giving her anymore of your time.

She obviously wanted to fvck but that has a shelf life. You can find out if she is still DTF or not and go from there. If she is, I would totally advise you to just pound her and nothing more. She isnt interested in a relationship but you can have a solid FWB if you play your cards right and get her chasing you.
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
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The problem here is typical with the average guy who is looking for a relationship- scared to be direct and escalate.

She all but told you she was DTF. You should have been direct. The reason you werent is because you didnt know what her reaction would be to that. By being outcome indifferent, her reaction shouldnt matter. Be the lion and not the sheep.
You will be surprised how many times a chick will grab your hand and be ready to get out of there and head to your place.

This isnt just for chicks who want to ride the c0ck carousel either. Women looking for relationships still get horny and want the D.
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
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The problem here is typical with the average guy who is looking for a relationship- scared to be direct and escalate.
I would like to echo this and expand on it for some of the new people here. The brainwashing we have received tells us to go about things in reverse order:
Step 1: Be nice and prove to the girl you are a good guy... a trustworthy gentleman not out to take advantage of her.... a man who is solid relationship material
Step 2: Girl makes her decision to "give you a shot" after you've thoroughly convinced her of the above so she finally gives up the goodies and sleeps with you after some period of time.

This is wrong in two critical ways. The first is that you shouldn't be seeing it as you convincing her of anything - it should be you screening her to see if she is worth your time. The second is that attraction works in backwards order vs what is listed above. In reality it is:
Step 1: Get her in bed as (relatively) quickly as possible, fvck her good, enjoy it, have no more expectations
Step 2: Watch her try to lock you down while YOU decide whether or not you're interested in that with her

I know it seems backwards to some of you who are struggling, but generally speaking, what makes a woman drawn to you is non-neediness and one of the primary ways that is communicated is through just having fun, having sex, being in the moment, and not pushing/driving for anything more, while you stay busy with your life.

The last thing I will mention is that so many guys are uncomfortable talking about sex, and a big part of it is due to their belief that WOMEN are uncomfortable talking about it. This was maybe the biggest shock of my evolution.... learning that women are probably more dirty than men when it comes to sex and sex talk. They will generally take a man's lead on the sex-talk though, due to societal pressures and not wanting to be seen as a "slvt". All you have to do is open the door for them by talking about sexual things and the dam will burst wide open. In OP's example, this girl was actually taking the LEAD on the sex-talk (fairly rare, and a really good sign when it happens), but when he didn't reciprocate, it was game-over. Girls get so wet and turned on from sex-talk. It can be even better than touching to turn her on. I get constant feedback from the girls I date about how open I am about sex and how much it turns them on and how they are horny for me all week etc. So don't be shy about it in the right time and place.

She obviously wanted to fvck but that has a shelf life.
Also on this point, I've experienced it a number of times when girls like OP described (strong, somewhat masculine in the way that they are so bold) come on to you, not only does it have a shelf-life, but they have to be in the certain mood, in the certain time and place, and often under the influence of alcohol. Remove all the pieces to that puzzle and they aren't interested. So again, this is why it's so important to strike while the iron is hot. Once you've slept with a girl once, everything becomes easier from there.
 

EternalBachelor

Don Juan
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thanks for all the replies. I am kicking myself. pretty much the day after our date London started talking about shutting cafes and restaurants and bars. I invited her over to watch a movie but she said she was staying at home and avoiding contact with people. I said "OK well maybe let's catch up in the summer when this is all over". She replied "if we survive" followed by "I'd love that" after quoting my message and then "Look after yourself" to which I replied "You too".

the next day she texted me asking how i was doing and when i said fine replied she was feeling sad because travel restrictions meant she couldn't see her parents and she was all alone with no support. I replied "it must be hard for you. but stay positive i am sure everything will go back to normal soon". She ignored this. but then the next day sent me some silly internet meme making fun of coronavirus.

this texting pattern is quite typical throughout the time i have known her. i guess it is her way of keeping me as an option without having to invest by engaging in actual conversation.
 
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