is this girl an attention wh0re? facts inside; need some advice guys.

[strong like bull]

alright. ive done a lot of reading through old posts regarding attention wh0res but i need some more specific input.

this is about a girl ive casually mentioned throughout some of my posts. we'll call her T. id been using her as a reference, as a girl who showers me with comfort, gifts and whatever else i ask for. ive been 'hanging out' with her casually for a month or two; things are starting to progress further than that but im a bit confused by her actions.

i see in her intimacy and compassion, something i am looking for in a girl. but what i dont know if she has yet is TRUST and LOYALTY. if things keep progressing, i need to know if i can trust her in a relationship.

here are the facts:
- from the get-go, at first meeting there was a -very- strong physical connection
- ive never been a supplicating fool. shes bought me clothes, drinks and a bunch of times shes bought food for me and brought it to my job, when i was starving. she goes out of her way for me - wed be hanging out at night, and shed say to me, "im going to buy you lunch tomorrow. what do you want me to bring you?" ive never bought her anything in return like a chump would; but im always sure to reward her in other ways that have more meaning than emotionless, impersonal gifts. like a full-body massage =)
- she treats me like a king. tying in to her behavior above, shes always willing to give me backrubs, massages or sexual treats. on top of that, she cooks for me, washes my clothes and stuff like that. shes a very compassionate girl; in touch with her feminine side and understands how and why to nurture and care for others.
- we have a lot in common. love the same music, movies, outdoor ****; we click in a way i dont feel with a lot of the other girls ive been with.
- i know how to push her buttons emotionally. i know that i could let her have a drink to relax, play a certain song, whisper a couple things in her ear, touch her in certain spots and then have her do anything i want.
- shes told me that she feels comfortable with me and could be open and share anything with me.


on the other hand...

- she is insecure and has self image issues.
- she smokes occasionally; and drinks a lot. she tends to drown her sorrows in booze. e.g. a couple weeks into hanging out, i ignored her for a day. not as in didnt call her, but ignored her to her face. wouldnt talk to her. i was just having a bad day but she thought i had ended what we started, and on top of that, wouldnt talk to her even as a friend. so she goes to our bar and gets absolutely ripped and starts crying.
- she loves to show off and flirt with other guys. loves to dress up and dance "slutty." a couple times, while we were hanging out together, shed flirt with another guy in front of me. the guy in question dated her in the past. hes a friend of mine.
- she has a few guy friends; all who have dated her briefly or at least want to get in her pants.
- we met eachother through work; ive quit that job, but while working together, while casually dating, id see her flirt with guys and give them the same signs of interest she sends me.
- i know that at least in the past, she gets bored easily and hasnt had a relationship over 2 months.
- she SAYS that im the only guy whos brought her as close to orgasm as ive had. she says she hadnt even orgasmed on her own. i know this to be at least somewhat true, because i know some of her exes and they have confided in me that after starting to get intimate, shed always stop them. the guy in question is a bud of mine and wouldnt need to lie to me about this. shed tried to stop me a couple times, but i kept pressing and eventually open her up.

some of the above can be excused because we arent exclusive. i know to wait for the girl to propose that. i also know that its a two way street, and i am free with a lot of other girls too. but i just wanted to put the facts out there.

also worth noting, as far as sex goes, weve done everything except full intercouse. lots of freaky stuff, too; ive been having a ton of fun with her in the bedroom. and the shower... kitchen.. living room.. like i said, ive (according to her) brought her as close as shes ever been, and she always tells me how amazing and wonderful our time is together. shes told me that ive done things with her, and to her, that nobody else has ever done before. we have this interesting connection where we bring a special side out of eachother; we bring out eachothers deepest, most secretive fantasies and truely enjoy turning them into reality.

and she has never cancelled or flaked on me.

like i said, im confused. imo a lot of things are framed good, such as how she treats ME like a king, and i dont supplicate to her. also how ive already seen her in her most vunerable moments, that jar her insecurity issues. shes opened up and exposed a lot to me. a lot that she might normally prefer to keep to herself, to save possible embarassment.



what do you think , guys?
-SLB

 

[Slash]

LSE anyone?

 

[strong like bull]

whats LSE?

-SLB

 

[smoke city]

SLB
I think you're acting like a big wussy.
You've "brought her closer to orgasm than any other guy"??
Why on EARTH are you even HAVING that conversation with her??
I'm guessing because you asked something like "was that good?" [probably worse]...don't ask any woman to COMPARE you to other guys--that's being insecure. If she volunteers information about her other guys, don't listen--and make it clear that you're not listening. Look at your watch, yawn, check your voicemail, whatever....
What do you want from us on this? Do you want us to DECIDE for you whether you should keep f-ing her? This site is so full of people writing in for advice in how to act, what to do, when to call her, etc...when the best thing they can possibly do is make the decision THEMSELVES.
Look man, she really sounds like a pretty normal chick with normal insecurities and normal problems. YOU and your stupid games (e.g. "pushing her buttons;" ignoring her, like a passive aggressive b*tch would) are part of the reason why she's acting so crazy.
Quit f-ing around, dammit. If you are enjoying yourself with her, stay with her. If you aren't, then don't.
Otherwise you're keeping this poor girl around because the attention she gives you feels good. You're the attention wh*re.
The best thing for you right now is to grow some balls and make a decision. If not, someone else will come along who knows what to do...

 

[Blue Phoenix]

It seems that she likes you, since she never flaked on you and because she's trying to get your approval by buying you things! That's a good sign.

I'm sorry to say, but despite her good intentions, she's an AW! If you decide to have a LTR get ready for a lot of high maintance and full attention/full care!

Be strong 'cause she'll use other men to make you jealous and will throw temper tantrums in order to have her own way!

Aws doesn't fit in LTR, unless she really tries to change her ways, but since she's usually blockheaded, egocentric and have emphatic deficiency it'll be almost imposible to change!

YOU decide what you want!

If you demonstrate you're hooked, she WILL take advantage of you and will dump you later because she'll see you as "weak"/not a challenge, someone who cannot take care of her. She needs a strong father figure. That's why you have to be strong and have a "tight game"!

Read all posts about AW here and see how guys got burned. My personal advice is "DO NOT get attached to her". That's the best way to avoid being manipulated by her games! And the less attached you're to her the better, because you'll be able to dump her if she starts to boss you around or make you feel insecure!

 

[Kaine]

LSE = Low self esteem.

A lot of redflags. She definately sounds like a LSE girl (most attention wh0res are, if you're gonna go out with a girl like that you're gonna deal with all the drama that entails.

Some of it won't be pretty, when she gets unhappy or vengeful she's gonna exhibit a lot of self destructive behaviour or go out of her way to punish you. Your girl is broken and as much as I hate to say it I've never known this to be fixable.

Its good that she's shown such loving behaviour when her IL is high, but it's up to you whether you can put up with the ongoing Ricky Lake type issues.

I think you're exhibiting a more Jerktype style, otherwise you'd have way more drama then this if you were such a wussbag. I think you're doing something right in your attracting game.

 

[flexion_]

Big red flags - sounds like a a mental case to me. RUN...

 

[strong like bull]

thanks for the input guys.

anyone else?

smoke city -
i agree with what you say. i know my post reeked of insecurity - because after all, would a REAL man, who has his life together and knows his ****, write to a bunch of strangers on the net for advice on a girl hes CASUALLY dating? no, he probably wouldnt.

for what its worth and just to clear it up, i didnt ask her how it was. she confided the info in me; it wasnt necessarily "well, youve done a better job at getting me off than my EX." it didnt really have anything to do with other guys. she opened up to me about something she was insecure about and said shes never had an orgasm in her life. and out of curiousty, at what point should you start caring how she feels?

again, i agree with you in that the decision is mine to make. i should just charge forward and push for what I want, and if she flakes out, just let her fall to the wayside.

-SLB

 

[smoke city]

you have it right there, bro...
well--there's nothing wrong with asking for advice, we all do it...
but at some point you have to go with your gut--and sometimes it's better to **** up the decision on your own, than for somebody to *tell you the right thing. I've learned to appreciate not being a wussbag (at least trying not to) because I've actually been one and saw the ugly results.
yeah--I've had girls say crap like that to me before, too. This girl said it's "important to be open about our past relationships, because they define who we are." She then compared the size of my D with that of her other dudes. Yeah.
Trust me bro...don't get into ANY discussion about it. It can (and will) go way too far.

btw--don't be too rough on her. ALL women are insecure about their looks. Most young women drink a lot, and we all drink when we're upset. The only questionable thing is the flirting with other guys...I've never seen her, but sometimes it really is harmless (and healthy even)

 

[strong like bull]

"btw--don't be too rough on her. ALL women are insecure about their looks. Most young women drink a lot, and we all drink when we're upset. The only questionable thing is the flirting with other guys...I've never seen her, but sometimes it really is harmless (and healthy even)"

that i can see. when we used to work together, i had a reputation for being a big flirt. nine out of ten interactions i have with women are sexual in some way; even if its just conversation with lots of things written between the lines. even when im in monogamous relationships, id sometimes flirt to feed my ego. but i never cheated. if shes even half as bad as i am, its silly for me to hold it against her. hmm, its kind of funny but im starting to realize she may be a mirror image of me; in that both of us are guilty of the same self image/insecurity/ego boosting problems.

on wednesday were going hiking & watching the sunset from the top of the mountain; which she was really enthusiastic for because shes never done that. im going to relax and see what happens.

-SLB

 

[PocoDiablo]

Hm. Sounds like she may take things personally, so next time you are in a bad mood, let her know it has nothing to do with her.

I've known hotties who flirt like crazy, but won't put out. She might be one of those. However I have know hotties who flirt like crazy, and you get 'em drunk and they occasionally slip up.

Me, personally, I call the line with flirting with other guys. She can flirt with GIRLS though and I am fine with that.

 

[Slash]

LSEs are Headcases... which can never be solved.. they know they are ****... and wouldnt believe otherwise.... if you wanna experiment.. start complimenting her and watch her grow distant, because they know its not them... They know they have a hole specially made to have sex that everyone wants...everything else is bull****.. she seems to be attracted to you as I think You must have busted on her quite a few times (or maybe not) but you certainly are not the supplicating type... They think they are the scum of the planet and theres no reason anyone would want them, so anyone complimenting them is scum of scums.. You seem kinda strong one to her the one who can somehow put some meaning in her life..shes an AFP (Average Frustrated *****) damn Im starting to invent terms now get it?

You give them **** they give you sex..
She Will Make Good FB and a Pivot Or Pawn...

Enter at your own risk...

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

This girl has BPD written all over her. Borderline Personality Disorder. Let me guess, she's a stripper right? You haven't had intercourse yet, but everything else? Intimacy hesitation, strike one. She flirts with other guys in front of you. Jealousy as self-affirming attention, strike two. Self-medicates with alcohol and is indifferent in her flirtations with you and other, strike three, strike four - she's out.

Cut her off if you can, but be forewarned that all your depriving her of attention will do is make her cling that much more tightly. Her self-image issues make her dependent on attention, your's or anyone else's will do just fine. What's bothering me is that I don't think you'll have the perseverance to cut her off completely since she represents (at least the promise of) fantastic sex. The scenario I see developing is you cutting her off, her frantically persuing you for affirmation, she finally does give it up and you're cemented even more into her drama.

Walk away from the whole situation my friend. There are much higher quality women out there who will appreciate your efforts accordingly. This woman is a losing proposition. Move on.

 

[strong like bull]

for what its worth, i am the one whos witholding intercourse. for my own reasons. but everything else i cannot deny.

the last girl i dated was a goody-goody who had all the morals and ethics, but wasnt compassionate and giving. this girl is compassionate and giving, but seems to be missing the other half.

...bah.

-SLB

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Start complimenting her and watch her grow distant!

This quote is perfect for these type of girls. Yes that's true! It's strange because they're fishy for compliments and need reasurance all the time, and yet when they receive it from a guy they just "grow" distant from him / they loose interest in him!

She's BPD!

I'd not say that. It seems that she's the HPD type than BPD. Actually BPDs are similar to HPDs, but BPDs hurt themselves, and have at least two compulsive behaviors such as shopping, sex, beers, etc!

Anyway, take a look at this list and see if she fits:

Indicators of BPD

Is someone you care about causing you a great deal of pain?

Do you find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you're afraid of the other person's reaction or because it just doesn't seem worth the horrible fight or hurt feelings that will follow?

Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you? Are you blamed and criticized for everything wrong in the relationship-even when it makes no logical sense?

Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, alternating with periods when the other person acts perfectly normal and loving? Does no one believe you when you explain that this is going on?

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes? Do you feel like you're the victim of emotional blackmail?

Do you feel like the person you care about sees you as either all good or all bad, with nothing in between? Is there sometimes no rational reason for the switch?

Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you will be told that you're too demanding or that there is something wrong with you? Are you told that your needs are not important?

Is the person always denigrating or denying your point of view? Do you feel that their expectations of you are constantly changing, so you can never do anything right?

Are you accused of doing things you never did and saying things you never said? Do you feel misunderstood a great deal of the time, and when you try to explain do you find that the other person doesn't believe you?

Are you constantly being put down? When you try to leave the relationship does the other person try to prevent you from leaving in a variety of ways (anything from declarations of love and promises to change to implicit or explicit threats)?

Do you have a hard time planning anything (social engagements, etc.) because of the other person's moodiness, impulsiveness, or unpredictability? Do you make excuses for their behavior or try to convince yourself that everything is okay?

Right now, are you thinking, "I had no idea that anyone else was going through this?"

Feelings that may indicate BPD

Does this person:

Feel abandoned at the slightest provocation?
Have extreme moodiness that cycles very quickly (in minutes or hours)?
Have difficulty managing their emotions?
Feel emotions so intensely that it's difficult to put others' needs-even those of their own children-ahead of their own?
Feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of the time?
Feel anxious or irritable a great deal of the time?
Feel empty or like they have no self a great deal of the time?
Feel ignored when they are not the focus of attention?
Express anger inappropriately or have difficulty expressing anger at all?
Feel that they never can get enough love, affection, or attention?
Frequently feel spacey, unreal, or out of it?

Behaviors that may indicate BPD

Does this person:

Have trouble observing others' personal limits?
Have trouble defining their own personal limits?
Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating?
Mutilate themselves-for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin?
Threaten to kill themselves-or make actual suicide attempts?
Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be?
Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right?
Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense-or have trouble expressing anger at all?
Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them?
Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle?
Act inconsistently or unpredictably?
Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves? (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.)
Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown?
Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others?
Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal?
Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others?
Can they switch from one mode to the other in seconds?
Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met?
Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored?
Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe?

From: http://ivy_league0.tripod.com/rhyme_of_the_ancient_wanderer/id114.html

Anyway, beware that these traits usually become apparent with the intimacy of the relationship. In the beginning everything is just too perfect to be true!

Good luck with your girl!

 

[stevey_2000]

SLB,

I would seriously back away from this girl unless all your wanting is a f*** buddy!!, girls with BPD (and i've just finished a relationship with a girl with this, she didn't cut herself but all the other personality traits are there) are an absolute nightmare, as blue pheonix says, they will do unbelievable things like try to turn you against your family, rip your ego to streds and completely send your head spinning,

best thing to do is give her a month or so if your interested in seeing how she will turn out, if she does start turning moody/unpredictible/throw a punch at you (this is what SHE did for a stupid reason while drunk!!) then ditch the b**ch and move on (something i didn't do, had a year and a half of my life ruined!)

but the most important rule, and i'm sure my fellow DJ's will back me on this,...

DON'T DEVELOP ANY FEELINGS TOWARDS THIS GIRL,

she will suck you in and spit you out leaving you to wonder what's hit you,

good luck man, but be careful.

Ste.