is this a red flag ?

[DJArlington]

if you meet a woman and she says that she's dating four guys concurrently and banging three of them (not all at the same time but like one for a month, another one for a month, etc.), isn't that red flag city? basically she has three fu#! buddies in different cities.

 

[Colossus]

Is this a serious question?

 

[PTC]

Is this a serious question?

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[SoCalMike]

if you meet a woman and she says that she's dating four guys concurrently and banging three of them (not all at the same time but like one for a month, another one for a month, etc.), isn't that red flag city? basically she has three fu#! buddies in different cities.

Depends on what you're looking for dude. If you want LTR, well, obviously this isn't it. If you want to be FB #4 then go for it.

 

[DJArlington]

i was just posting the question because 4 months into my last relationship my ex told about that's what she did prior to us meeting - and this was the situation described to me, in a nutshell. She said she had a rule - only one guy per period cycle.

heck when we were fighting last week I was going to fly out to see her but she's banging some other dude right now and she still wanted me to come. i kept thinking the whole time, what is wrong with me? i need to let this go.

i just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

[PTC]

heck when we were fighting last week I was going to fly out to see her but she's banging some other dude right now and she still wanted me to come.

lets see....how many red flags are in this one sentence?? I would let this one go dude. Send her a box of condoms instead of yourself

 

[Pimp-sicle]

DJArlington: Everyone gets caught up with the wrong girl from time to time. However the ability to recognize that and then take the appropriate steps to get your head screwed back on is KEY to growth and learning from prior mistakes.

With that said, you already know this girl sucks, you know in your gut that she's going to $hit all over you, (seems like she already is and you aren't even with her) yet you STILL talk to her......WHHHHHHYYY???

I'd rather be single any day of the week than deal with the drama this woman brings to the table. Go out and hook up with a couple girls so you can get your mind out of the bubble she has you trapped in.




PIMP

 

[DJArlington]

Yes, she has cut me and I've cut her out of my life. It's done. Just wanted to get an opinion about red flags. Sometimes I throw logic out the window when it comes to sex. I know I need to stop, I'm 30 for crying out loud.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Depends on what you're looking for dude. If you want LTR, well, obviously this isn't it. If you want to be FB #4 then go for it.

I disagree....Do you want to be the fifth guy she is with on any given day? I sure as hell would not and I am liberal with my sexual antics!!!

BIG ASS RED FLAG!!! However, just like Mike pointed out, depends on you not minding!!

 

[DJArlington]

I've been calling my prospects (new women) tonight hopefully I can start the moving on process ASAP.

 

[jafyk]

Wait a minute guys.Isn't this hypocrisy? Don't you guys talk of spinning plates all the time? This is the type of thing that makes me consider leaving this forum sometimes. Maybe I've got something mixed up. What is the difference between what this girl is doing and guys spinning plates? Please I'd really like to know.

 

[jophil28]

Depends on what you're looking for dude. If you want LTR, well, obviously this isn't it. If you want to be FB #4 then go for it.

\

Wow, you have a real high quality winner here..
So now we have females with male "harems".. Sex and the City plus feminist entitlement propaganda at work here ?

The English langauge has words for women like this.

Arlington, take a grip of what little self respect you have left and delete her PERMANENTLY.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Wait a minute guys.Isn't this hypocrisy? Don't you guys talk of spinning plates all the time? This is the type of thing that makes me consider leaving this forum sometimes. Maybe I've got something mixed up. What is the difference between what this girl is doing and guys spinning plates? Please I'd really like to know.

I guess there really is NO difference! I for one, am a little more old fashioned when it comes to dating. I would not feel right dating several women at once, or hitting several at once for that matter. This forum like anything else has it's pros and cons. I am not saying there is anything wrong with dating several, just not my style really. Even dating two and having sex with them both would get my already mixed up ass worse off.

Personally, I would not entertain the idea of bothering with a women that was having sex with many guys at once.

 

[DJArlington]

Wait a minute guys.Isn't this hypocrisy? Don't you guys talk of spinning plates all the time? This is the type of thing that makes me consider leaving this forum sometimes. Maybe I've got something mixed up. What is the difference between what this girl is doing and guys spinning plates? Please I'd really like to know.

Women who spin plates are that mentally stable. All my best girlfriend's have been ones who don't spin plates but of course they have dated around. She didn't do anything wrong, except for make a sex video with one of the guys she was spinning plates with and when I confronted her about it (because I found it on her computer) she refused to delete it. So I guess it's all based on experience.

But NO - it is NOT a problem if a woman spins plates. It is MY or anyone else's fault if they fall for a girl like that, because in all likelihood they will get played.

 

[DJArlington]

And I will tell you that the women my friends married never SPINNED plates and fu#! multiple men at the same time. My friends would have never had anything to do with the girl I was with.

 

[Jeffst1980]

The female equivalent to "spinning plates" is going on harmless dates with various AFC's that will never make it past her doorstep. It is NOT sleeping with multiple guys concurrently, or even sequentially as the OP described. A woman does not benefit from that behavior.

I think the problem that the OP is facing is due to the perception that it would be easier and quicker to bang an ex, rather than spend time out in the field doing the necessary filtering to find a new sexual partner. It's the same reason guys will cling to a failing relationship even after the sex has dried up. We all desire immediacy and a short term fix.

I'm certain the OP knows the correct answer to his problem. I'd wager that the clear majority of the posters that come in here for advice know the answers as well. We can only offer support and reiterate the same philosophy and maxims again and again and hope that seeing it in print repeatedly is enough to generate a change in the OPs...

...which kind of leads me to a side tangent: What is the most effective strategy, if any, that we can use for AFC behavior modification??

Nearly all of the posters that face these recurrent problems agree that the advice here is spot on, and that reading such wisdom gives them comfort. But--how many actually HEED the advice here in the real world??? I'm curious, because it seems like we have an awful lot of recurrent AFC cameos.

Perhaps if we can determine what it is that prompts change in some that visit this site, whether it's inspirational writing, cold hard facts, or aggressive language and "shaming," we can achieve a higher "conversion rate" on this site.

For me--when I started visiting this site years ago, I know I was very influenced by posts that highlighted how short our time on Earth is, and how consequently insignificant pining over an unremarkable girl really is.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

The female equivalent to "spinning plates" is going on harmless dates with various AFC's that will never make it past her doorstep. It is NOT sleeping with multiple guys concurrently, or even sequentially as the OP described. A woman does not benefit from that behavior.

I think the problem that the OP is facing is due to the perception that it would be easier and quicker to bang an ex, rather than spend time out in the field doing the necessary filtering to find a new sexual partner. It's the same reason guys will cling to a failing relationship even after the sex has dried up. We all desire immediacy and a short term fix.

I'm certain the OP knows the correct answer to his problem. I'd wager that the clear majority of the posters that come in here for advice know the answers as well. We can only offer support and reiterate the same philosophy and maxims again and again and hope that seeing it in print repeatedly is enough to generate a change in the OPs...

...which kind of leads me to a side tangent: What is the most effective strategy, if any, that we can use for AFC behavior modification??

Nearly all of the posters that face these recurrent problems agree that the advice here is spot on, and that reading such wisdom gives them comfort. But--how many actually HEED the advice here in the real world??? I'm curious, because it seems like we have an awful lot of recurrent AFC cameos.

Perhaps if we can determine what it is that prompts change in some that visit this site, whether it's inspirational writing, cold hard facts, or aggressive language and "shaming," we can achieve a higher "conversion rate" on this site.

For me--when I started visiting this site years ago, I know I was very influenced by posts that highlighted how short our time on Earth is, and how consequently insignificant pining over an unremarkable girl really is.

Great insight. I agree that many guys revert back to the whole sense of AFCism because its comfortable. Its comfortable to be in a relationship where you don't have to work hard to impress the girl. Its comfortable to be in a relationship where you don't have to put your ego and pride on the line. Its comfortable to be in a relationship that doesn't test your grit. Its comfortable to be in a relationship simply because you're afraid to be alone.

Guys ultimately pedistal and one-itis a woman because its far easier to make her 'THE ONE' rather than realize she's actually an attention wh*re. All the time spent trying to court her is lost. All the investment is lost. And the realization that he might have to do it all over again with a new woman sickens him. So its easier to be AFC in a situation and let these 'red flags' pass for different colored flags. Semi-pink perhaps.

I am in the agreement that time is short on this earth to waste time with unworthy women. I will also add that I've realized, through trial, error, and a lot of Jack Daniels - that after every break up with the woman I thought was "THE ONE" - I always found another woman who was as good or much better than the first. I'm not saying the grass is always greener on the other side....but damn.....there's a WHOLE LOTTA acreage if you're willing to get off your comfortable couch and walk a few miles in the unknown.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone"

 

[STR8UP]

The female equivalent to "spinning plates" is going on harmless dates with various AFC's that will never make it past her doorstep. It is NOT sleeping with multiple guys concurrently, or even sequentially as the OP described. A woman does not benefit from that behavior.

This is why I don't not advocate "dating".

Dating is a woman's game. The expectation is that you, as a man, have to prove your worth to a woman, and this usually involves dinner, drinks, or something similarly expensive.

I hear women I know talking about this, saying how much they LOVE dating. Well no sh!t....I'd love dating too if I could get some sucker to buy me a bunch of sh!t if my only obligation was a peck on the cheek or a hug at the end of the night, then on to the next sucker.

Women don't generally sleep with a bunch of different men at any one point in time, but they LOVE to dole out bits and pieces (anything but sex) to multiple men at any given time.

Don't be the sucker.

 

[jafyk]

This is why I don't not advocate "dating".

Dating is a woman's game. The expectation is that you, as a man, have to prove your worth to a woman, and this usually involves dinner, drinks, or something similarly expensive.

I hear women I know talking about this, saying how much they LOVE dating. Well no sh!t....I'd love dating too if I could get some sucker to buy me a bunch of sh!t if my only obligation was a peck on the cheek or a hug at the end of the night, then on to the next sucker.

Women don't generally sleep with a bunch of different men at any one point in time, but they LOVE to dole out bits and pieces (anything but sex) to multiple men at any given time.

Don't be the sucker.

Well, this is 2008 and women are doing a lot of things that men do. While I think it's ok to date many women at the same time unless you've decided to be exclusive with one. I think if it's ok for guys to spin plates it must be ok for women to do so. It is this type of hypocrisy that might have helped in creating feminism. So, to the original poster if you can't handle this girl's situation then leave but don't judge her if you're doing the same thing yourelf or are not in an exclusive relationship with her.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

if you meet a woman and she says that she's dating four guys concurrently and banging three of them (not all at the same time but like one for a month, another one for a month, etc.), isn't that red flag city? basically she has three fu#! buddies in different cities.

It all depends what YOU are looking for. When a woman says that, she is either letting you know that she doesn't want a LTR with you, so she is being honest and not worrying about your approval. If you see she is attracted to you, and she says that, then she is covertly asking you to give her the meat, no strings attached, so you better make your move fast, pronto, today, yesterday, last week! If you hessitate, or come accross as judgmental, she won't even put up with you, because chicks have a waiting list of willing partners.