"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Is this a chump?

R

Rhino22

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My ex left me for some gothic dude that right away started making paintings for her. I guess he also pays for her gas (fills up her tank) every time she goes out to see him. He only lives like 15 mins away) Is this dude a chump or what? And she tried to tell me that she was the dominant one in our relationship.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Gangster Of Love

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Rhino22 said:
My ex left me for some gothic dude that right away started making paintings for her. I guess he also pays for her gas (fills up her tank) every time she goes out to see him. He only lives like 15 mins away) Is this dude a chump or what? And she tried to tell me that she was the dominant one in our relationship.
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She thought he provided more value than you did, at that point where she broke it off with you.

There must be some other qualities she sees in him, besides the paintings and the free gas.

It is possible that money is not even an issue for him, and she likes his generosity, or the fact that he chooses to fill up her tank, without worrying about it. You know, that can be an attractive thing. Doesn't always have to mean he's a chump. He might well have that "I don't have to buy her gas to come see me, but I choose to, and it doesn't break me or face me to do so" type of attitude to go along with the rest of his personality.

If she's even suggesting she was dominant in your relationship, it is time to pay attention to what she's saying. If it even has to be brought up or is up for debate, she had a lot more control in the relationship than she would like to have over a man.

You would be very lucky to find out exactly what you were lacking that caused her to loose interest and what he has that attracted her to him. I doubt she would tell you exactly what it was, so don't worry about it. Right it sounds like sour grapes, and understandingly so, but attempt to look back and see what was it that she initially saw and you, and what did you do to cause her to loose interest. And don't repeat it in your next relationship.
 
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Rhino22

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Um , well she said I wasn't bold enough. Ok, well neither was she! I think we are different with different people. Her mom was freakin weird anyway and had alot to do with our breakup.
 
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