Is there hope for past loser?

[eldominante]

Hi guys (and girls) and gents,

I have very serious problem: I don't know how to socialize! I've got a shozoid personality (I think): I'm introverted, don't want others to order me what to do and so on.
My potential friends til yet (I'm going to be 28 in near future) only took use of me. I know that people choose others as friends who have high value. As long as I have higher value than them, they take use of me. Afterwards, they leave me alone and isolate me. So, I didn't have true friends til yet. I also haven't having a typical guy's life and lifestyle. Usually, guys go out, meet each other regularly, go eating together, meeting women (--> clubs, pubs/bars, and so on), going to events. They spend and spent their free time with each other. But at me, they search for excuses, whenever I call anyone of my acquaintances.

About me: I seem to be serious. But whenever I try (hard) to be funny, I come off as goofy-silly,I can't make others laugh. I can't watch it from others being funny, cause I don't know others.

Well, I haven't got such experience. If it is about women/girls, I just try to connect with them. I don't talk if it is not needed- to anyone. And at the opposite sex, I used a routine, and it worked sometimes. But all in all, after approaching, I failed. Some girls even awaited more from me. But I had the empty hole in my head and searching for ideas what to talk about. But I couldn't find anything. I'm missing the ability to improvisate. Mostly, girls reject me in clubs and search for excuses. Maybe, overweight could be a reason. On the other hand, I don't get it why anywhere else, even very fat guys (even much more fatter than me) succeed and go hand in hand with HB10s.
All in all, I need for everything an instruction, an algorithm, a shedule or so on.

While I have no social life, I seem having very bad chances. How to cure all of this? Can I find (an attractive) love-mate/soulmate/woman anytime with my attributes? What about pickup community? What about the mystery method or the emotional progression model? Or Mark Manson?

 

[logicallefty]

Sounds like your biggest problem is confidence.

If you were more confident you could probably turn the "goofy silly" thing into "your thing" and it would become funny, but that will only happen if you yourself have confidence when you do it.

The "I don't talk if it is not needed- to anyone" is a problem I had a very long time ago. Sounds like you are like I was in that you have trouble making small talk. You have to be able to literally talk to anyone about anything. Even if it's the most boring stereotypical small talk subject, the weather. If you have to start with that then do it.

The best thing for you may be to go out and first work on making small talk with other guys. Or women too. But guys may be a good place to start. That way there is no pressure on yourself..

Also see what you can do with this "goofy silly" thing. Work on saying it with more confidence and really take notice to how people act.

It will take time and practice but I think you can do it.

 

[eldominante]

Thx for your rapid answer. Well, confidence was there. I'm still trying it. It's not difficult for me to approach women either. With guys, I also don't know what to talk about. So, I don't get in panic in front of women cause I don't put pressure on myself.
It's in general so. Small talk is needed, yes. But the "How to go on next" is my problem.
How did you cure your social and conversational problems?

What about Roger Curie or David Wygant?

 

[Longshot]

I firmly believe logicallefty touched on a very good attribute- probably the most important: confidence. And it's not only about being confident externally, but internally; i.e. being all right and comfortable under your own skin and thoughts to just let it fly out there but coming from within. Socializing is akin to opening up communication channels that wouldn't open without a trigger: you. You're the stimulus. Someone can try a chat with you, though if you aren't in tune, comfortable, and available, they probably will end up feeling awkward and not want to try it again, which is why confidence is of paramount importance. Be courageous, open up, talk with everyone, talk with yourself, learn about yourself, and above all, don't be afraid of social fear. Let it out and I feel you'll come to enjoy it; when you enjoy it, others notice. You'll be just fine- trust me.

 

[eldominante]

That's exactly what I did til yet. And I was always told to be myself and I could any day find someone who is like me. In other words: Too many people are different than I am. Til yet, it didn't work. I still am confident but I am different than others and people tend to go for people who are similar to them.
In other words: I've tried years to be myself. But there comes a point where you have to admit to go another way than you did til yet, if you don't succeed.

 

[Tictac]

There is always hope.

But hope is not a method.

 

[eldominante]

If hope is not a method, why did you write it here? So, you need hope in life, but hope won't get you further? Come on.
Your comment seems to be misleading/senseless.

 

[Tictac]

Hope is no more than a sentiment. If it gets you to do something, great.

Because it's doing something about your situation that will change it.

Right now, you are ruminating - thinking and hoping. So do things, lots of little things.

 

[Longshot]

Tictac is right: don't be passive with sentiments (and we all have at one point or another); instead, be active. Take action. Put it out there and don't worry; can't control the future, but you know that.

 

[eldominante]

I would like to do so. But: How?