Is there any problem with a girl knowing you like her?

[SteR]

I ask this because once a girl knows you're after her, she rises a little in power.

I was talking to my friend about how I'm into this girl and he accidentally told one of her friends who will of course have relayed the message onto her. I just wonder how this will affect my chances (if at all)?

Next time I see her I don't plan on behaving any differently from the usual c/f and will probably flirt with other girls in front of her just to let her know I'm still the one in control.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

 

[terran2k]

so do you plan to never ask her out on a date? bc the moment you do she'll know you like her. Now what do you do?

 

[eaglez1177]

Yes theres definitely a problem...it makes her the prize when in fact YOU should be the one who is the prize. Like you said, she does get more power and control now knowing that you like her.

And thats some "friend" you got there...

Im a strong believer of as soon as the chick knows you like her and are trying to get her, youve already lost the game.

 

[Serialized3]

Im a strong believer of as soon as the chick knows you like her and are trying to get her, youve already lost the game.

wait, what? :crazy:

OP - it really doesn't matter if you like her, if she thinks you like her, if you think she likes you, or if you think that she thinks that you like her ... who cares? just go ahead and try to get her to hang out and mack on her.

 

[kingsam]

I ask this because once a girl knows you're after her, she rises a little in power.

I was talking to my friend about how I'm into this girl and he accidentally told one of her friends who will of course have relayed the message onto her. I just wonder how this will affect my chances (if at all)?

1 - when you tell people your personal business you leave it open for saboteurs/blockers ... what if ur buddy had a crush on her?
what if other people find out and spread rumours coz they dont like you/want her themselves...?

2 - how can you be into a girl without really having got close with her ?
when most guys are "into" a girl they've already pout her on a pedestal

Next time I see her I don't plan on behaving any differently from the usual c/f and will probably flirt with other girls in front of her just to let her know I'm still the one in control.
Anyone have any thoughts on this?

shes already controling you in a way...
you lost some more of your control telling people who you crush on...

Im a strong believer of as soon as the chick knows you like her and are trying to get her, youve already lost the game.

everything you do will be scrutinized by her and her friends in detail ... not good

 

[SeymourCake]

Don't ever admit that you like her before in a relationship. All that crush/like/love thing is supposed to develop DURING the relationship, not before, and never after.

So yeah, in a sense...You did give her a little power by admitting you like her and she is now on a higher pedestal.

 

[Captain]

It's all about HOW MUCH you let her know you like her. Keep it dialed down until there is an exclusive relationship.

 

[SeymourCake]

It's all about HOW MUCH you let her know you like her. Keep it dialed down until there is an exclusive relationship.

I agree. But never verbally say that you like a girl. Anyone (espcially AFCs) can say they like this particular girl, but it all comes down to your actions and body language. Remember, 80% of communication is non verbal.

 

[SeymourCake]

It's all about HOW MUCH you let her know you like her. Keep it dialed down until there is an exclusive relationship.

I agree. But never verbally say that you like a girl. Anyone (especially AFCs) can say they like this particular girl, but it all comes down to your actions and body language. Remember, 80% of communication is non verbal.

 

[omega05]

Yes theres definitely a problem...it makes her the prize when in fact YOU should be the one who is the prize. Like you said, she does get more power and control now knowing that you like her.

And thats some "friend" you got there...

Im a strong believer of as soon as the chick knows you like her and are trying to get her, youve already lost the game.

i see what you are trying to say but when you invite a girl to go somewhere, are you "losing the game"? when you invite her to your place, are you "losing the game"?

 

[Igetit!]

I ask this because once a girl knows you're after her, she rises a little in power.

If a girl "rises in power" because she foundt out that you have an interest in her,then YOU showed your interest WRONG.


If you have someone famous who has ten girls in front of him,all 10 want him,and he picks one of the girls,the girl he picked may "rise in power" or feel like she's somewhat above all the other girls she got chosen over,but she doesn't feel that way about the guy who chose her.


It depends on HOW you showed your interest.


THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

showing sexual interest VERSUS telling a girl "how you feel".



They're NOT the same.



You said that you were speaking to your friend about how "you were into" some girl. Well as long as you didn't say anything about your feelings,or how you "felt" about her,you should be ok.



If you had said things like,"That girl (so and so),she looks gooood. I like the way she looked in that shirt/mini-skirt/pair of jeans,etc. Just watch dude,that girl is going to be with me",then that would be fine.


You know why? Because all of that was about HER APPEARANCE,not yourfeelings. That was all you showing sexual interest,there was nothing "deep" about feelings and emotions there.



When you start talking about how you "feel" about a girl,ESPECIALLY when not only are you not in a relationship with the girl,but you've never even had a single date with her yet,immediately she'll lose interest.


You know why? Because there no challenge there. Other than just simply existing,she didn't have to do anything in order to win you over. You haven't even asked her out yet,and here she is hearing reports about your "feelings",whereas if you had only mentioned liking her APPEARANCE,she'd feel some attraction simply by hearing your NAME brought up.



It really just depends on what YOU SAID to your friend and if that same message got back to the girl.

 

[Plinco]

^^that's a good way of putting it.

 

[eaglez1177]

i see what you are trying to say but when you invite a girl to go somewhere, are you "losing the game"? when you invite her to your place, are you "losing the game"?

No no you misunderstood me.

You know why? Because there no challenge there. Other than just simply existing,she didn't have to do anything in order to win you over. You haven't even asked her out yet,and here she is hearing reports about your "feelings",whereas if you had only mentioned liking her APPEARANCE,she'd feel some attraction simply by hearing your NAME brought up.

That "challenge" is the "game" that I am referring to when we interact with women. Like Igetit said, once she has you all figured out and knows how you FEEL, she loses interest because its not fun anymore. Think of it as giving a person the answers to a crossword puzzle. Whats the fun in that if you cant figure it out for yourself?

 

[horaholic]

Holy Christ! There are some stupid answers to this stupid question!

Listen to this statement: 'Dont be needy, and if you are, be sure as hell to not show it.'

What do you think Brad Pitt would do if he liked a chick? Hide it? FVCK NO!

Simple answer: If she shows interest in you, she WANTS you to like her too, (while being a challenge also). Just be COOL about it!!!!!!! You can like a chick without putting her on a pedestal, or creeping her out, or being weird. The more they like you, the more you show your intent.

Seriously, do you think chicks only bang guys they think dont like them?? Granted, for certain situations, being distant can be a turn on, but it only works when its genuine.

 

[SteR]

If a girl "rises in power" because she foundt out that you have an interest in her,then YOU showed your interest WRONG.


If you have someone famous who has ten girls in front of him,all 10 want him,and he picks one of the girls,the girl he picked may "rise in power" or feel like she's somewhat above all the other girls she got chosen over,but she doesn't feel that way about the guy who chose her.


It depends on HOW you showed your interest.


THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

showing sexual interest VERSUS telling a girl "how you feel".



They're NOT the same.



You said that you were speaking to your friend about how "you were into" some girl. Well as long as you didn't say anything about your feelings,or how you "felt" about her,you should be ok.



If you had said things like,"That girl (so and so),she looks gooood. I like the way she looked in that shirt/mini-skirt/pair of jeans,etc. Just watch dude,that girl is going to be with me",then that would be fine.


You know why? Because all of that was about HER APPEARANCE,not yourfeelings. That was all you showing sexual interest,there was nothing "deep" about feelings and emotions there.



When you start talking about how you "feel" about a girl,ESPECIALLY when not only are you not in a relationship with the girl,but you've never even had a single date with her yet,immediately she'll lose interest.


You know why? Because there no challenge there. Other than just simply existing,she didn't have to do anything in order to win you over. You haven't even asked her out yet,and here she is hearing reports about your "feelings",whereas if you had only mentioned liking her APPEARANCE,she'd feel some attraction simply by hearing your NAME brought up.



It really just depends on what YOU SAID to your friend and if that same message got back to the girl.

Lol I think everyone's misunderstanding what the situation is here - apologies if I didn't explain myself well.

Basically I said exactly what you mentioned above Igetit ^

"That girl (so and so),she looks gooood. I like the way she looked in that shirt/mini-skirt/pair of jeans,etc. Just watch dude,that girl is going to be with me".

In fact if I remember correctly, I basically told him that she is fuking gorgeous, is exactly my type and I'm going to make her mine. I didn't let off anything about feelings because a) I don't know her that well and b) I wouldn't tell anyone what I'm feeling anyway.

We basically got in from a night out (where I met her) and I said to him that she's the one I want and she's the one I'm going to get.

The problem is that my buddy probably relayed to his friend that I 'like' her and she probably told the girl in question the same thing. I'm not too worried if that's what's happened as it's a pretty harmless comment. She'd have to be thick as **** if she didn't realise I liked her just from my behaviour/kino etc on the night we met.

What I'm really interested in is how this actually affects the mindset of the girl in question. If a girl knows a guy is keen on her then, like it's already been mentioned, I'd assume she feels the power is in her hands. What I plan on doing is flirting with other girls around her/hold back from showing her too much interest until I know she's feeling insecure/uncertain again.

Thoughts?

 

[Groovy]

No. Don't hide anything. Don't be ashamed of your feelings for her. Act like you want, but if you're attracted don't bother if she sees it!

Trust me on this one. I can ask you this: When a girl likes you and she shows isn't that great?

Okay it may be different for us guys, but personally I've been doing just what I'm telling you and I've gotten nothing but good responses. It also shows confidence! Don't you agree? If not, why would someone try to hide their feelings for a girl? Because he is ashamed of them, or because he fears that the girl won't like them, or something else I don't know. But isn't that out of insecurity?

BTW I'm just responding to the title.

And if you're sexually attracted to her, I wouldn't worry if she found out either (I think she would even get more interrested) but treat her with respect, don't hang out with her just because she is hot... I always try to find out how she is too.

 

[eaglez1177]

Let your actions do the talking. You'll never go wrong with that, and you dont have a risk of your words being taken the wrong way or misundestood.

 

[zekko]

If you had said things like,"That girl (so and so),she looks gooood. I like the way she looked in that shirt/mini-skirt/pair of jeans,etc. Just watch dude,that girl is going to be with me",then that would be fine.

Most methods teach that you should avoid such overt comments about a girl's looks, since that is what they are generally approached with. The reasoning is also so that they think you like them beyond just their appearance. Is there a reason why this would be okay in this indirect manner, where you aren't actually speaking to her?

 

[fatdog]

i see what you are trying to say but when you invite a girl to go somewhere, are you "losing the game"? when you invite her to your place, are you "losing the game"?

There's a difference between inviting someone out (you aren't giving away what level of interest you have) versus flat out saying "I like her" which gives away your game plan.

Going out on a date doesn't mean you like a girl, it means that you're interested in getting to know her. Telling a girl flat out you like her (or in this case, someone doing that for you) kills all the mystery.

 

[SteR]

Hmm there seem to be a lot of mixed opinions on this. I guess I'll just take it as it comes and report back with what (if anything) happens...