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Is there any hope? 37 year old and broken

Gamisch

Master Don Juan
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About two years ago I began doing volunteer work and this has a large positive impact on me. I got some social contacts and figured out that I can do a lot more than I thought about myself. I actually got a lot of compliments for my hard work. (I never imagined myself to be a hard worker and in my opinion I didn't even work THAT hard)

It is because of this work I attracted the attention of this amazing girl. Spending this much time with a girl has been an unique experience for me and I enjoyed it a lot (for a year we met up once a week). However it turned into one big drama for me because...you know...I don't know what I am doing, afraid, insecure and terrified of sexuality. She was literally naked next to me and I couldn't do it. Too much pressure, too little experience.

I didn't want to screw it up and because of this I screwed up.

I am 37 years old and never had a girlfriend and only recently got my first kiss. This "girl problem" I have is the very thing holding me back in my life. It makes me feel completly powerless, helpless and hopeless for I don't even know how to get a date. I literally don't know.

Should I do this cold approach thing? And where? Street? Shops? Bars (I never go there)?
I tried online, but even getting a response back is nearly impossible. I would also like to have social circle, but I have no idea how to get one. How do people make friends? Where to find people (especially girls because that is the goal)?

I am sitting at home right now and I don't want to. I want to take action to meet and date girls and I just cannot even think of what to do. This has been a problem for many years and I cannot think of a solution. So I end up playing yet another video game I don't want to play to distract me from this misery. I want to spend those hours, days, weeks, months on working on getting girls and I don't know what to do.

I have plenty of time and I could spend it all on solving this "girl problem" if I just knew where to begin. How to get dates? Normal people go on dates; where in the hell do they get them?

Is pickup still a thing? Is there anyone still doing it? Should I just go to a bar and approach every single girl? Many years ago I knew a guy, the most ****ty guy I ever met and he did this and managed, to my great surprise, to have lots of girls over at his place. But this was 20 years ago.

I want this ****ing problem to be dealt with as fast as possible. Only two years before I turn 40.

I understand the value of going to the gym and such things. However lifting weights does not automagically get me a date. Those are two separate things. Going to the gym takes me about a hour and no date.

And one date is not enough. I probably need a large amount of dates to get the experience and hopefully to finally get to **** a girl. Which in itself is nothing but practice for when I meet a girl I actually like (I did meet an amazing girl but screwed up because I never dated).

I am not ugly or fat or anything like that. Sure improvements can be made and I am not protesting improvements. That would be stupid even for me.

What do I spend my time on in order to get dates and to finally get to **** a girl? At this point I am not even aiming for a girlfriend because this idea alone is surreal to me. It must be amazing. The best thing in the world. And if anyone says a girlfriend is overrated I would like to judge that for myself.

I have many many hours, days and weeks at my disposal. I am willing to immerse myself completely. To go all-inn. To break all my limits. I don't care about rejections anymore. Why would I? It is not possible to hurt me more than I have done myself already.

Should I follow the PUA route? Is it viable? Or just fantasy used to sell books and bootcamps? What alternatives are there? What to invest my time in? What to go all-out at? What to immerse myself into?

Sorry for my long text. I feel horrible lost for such a long time.
Why wouldn't you hit the gym if you have so much time on your hands? Ofcourse you would rather be with a woman but she isnt there yet so..

Besides that, the gym is just a brick, and you wanna build a castle that will stand the test of time. Gym , clothes , money ,mindset ect all need to come together to yield results. Its never 1 thing.

You gotta wonder what stops you from going ALL IN. Is it shame? What stops you from going to festivals and talk to women? You are just a peasant in rgus life, a grain of sand in this universe. Nobody will lose sleep because you did or did not get rejected/ laid. You gotta live NOW. Dont wait.

Temporarily pro help might have a boost. Once you figure out what's the cause of your depression, you can build up other areas.

Remember , women should never (NEVER) be the endgoal for a man. They compliment your life but they dont make it. Because believe me , if that's the case there is a world full of hurt awaiting you..
 

kakkerlak1985

Don Juan
Joined
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Age
37
Why wouldn't you hit the gym if you have so much time on your hands?
Its just a hour a day and muscles will not grow harder if I spend 10 more hours a day at the gym. I am not arguing against it; I am saying that there are about 16 waking hours in a day and the gym only takes one. Let it be two and there are still 14 hours left.

You gotta wonder what stops you from going ALL IN.
I don't belief. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is real or fantasy. Countless guys who have girlfriends. What does everybody know that I do not? All I can see is a puzzle I cannot solve. I don't know how to even get a date.

What stops you from going to festivals and talk to women?
Fear. And I don't know what to say especially in such environments. Its a mystery to me why people even go there. Its like clubs or bars or restaurants. I don't understand what is supposed to be fun or enjoyable about it. Seems like a waste of money.

I feel like an alien from Pluto visiting Earth and observing all these weird human beings doing things that don't make sense. I don't belief people. I think they are lying or fooling themselves or something.

women should never (NEVER) be the endgoal for a man. They compliment your life but they dont make it.
I truly do not understand this. I am alone since birth and never wanted anything else than to not be alone anymore. The idea of a girlfriend is paradise to me. If you have a girlfriend then I consider you blessed by the gods themself. The only higher goal than this would be a family, something I never had. If you have one I consider you blessed by the gods themself.

world full of hurt awaiting you.
I only know hurt. I only know pain. My world is made out of it. A woman is the solution not the cause. I do not understand how a world full of hurt can await me when I am already in the middle of hell enduring endless torture.

Once you figure out what's the cause of your depression,
I am alone and confused. Is that not enough reason to be depressed? For more than 20 years there is only one thing on my mind and all I can do is try really hard to distract myself from it. I don't feel human.
 

Cerwin Vega

Master Don Juan
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Summary of my thoughts:

-If your foundations are rocky, a woman will just topple you over. The fact that you think that a woman will be a magic solution to your problems, proves that you are not ready, and you are not aware of how much damage they might inflict on you.

-Never open up to women. Many on this board, myself included, have done this mistake in the past, and as you can see, it'll bite you in the @ss. Women are children who need a strong adult, they can't handle vulnerability or our emotions.

-An extension of the above, see a psychiatrist. Sounds like you need an SSRI/SNRI + months of therapy. Women are NOT going to help you with this.

-Fill your day with activities. Gym, learn to play an instrument, build furniture, join a salsa club, go to an open mic night, go to concerts. Find what gives you pleasure and keep doing it.

-You're not that old. You're just giving up on yourself waaay too much.
 

kakkerlak1985

Don Juan
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Age
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Look, I am dealing with a trauma from childhood. Although the past is the past wounds still exist, like scartissue. These wounds are effecting the rest of my life. This specificly has to do with girls.

The fact that you think that a woman will be a magic solution to your problems
I do not. My problem has specifically to do with girls. This is the whole reason I locked myself inside for such a long time. To avoid the problem, to avoid the pain, which doesn't work and only makes it worse.

I got my first kiss at age 37. This is not because I am an ugly fat unattractive guy. It is because I fail to move that last distance. It is because I fail to kiss a girl when she literally begs for it. It is becaue I fail to **** when a naked girl is right next to me asking me to **** her and complaining when I do not. This happened twice now.

The first time was at age 14 when I was unable to kiss a girl who asked me for it for months.

I lost countless of oppurtunities simply because I fear that last step. I will self sabotage just to avoid it. My mind becomes a war zone when thinking about it, disappointing and annoying many girls with my inaction.

I never went on a date in my life. I am too afraid to ask girls out. Yet girls have asked me out, invited me over and even offered sex. But I just freeze and my mind becomes a war zone trying desperate to avoid pain. Then whatever I fear (rejection) I do myself before they can even do it and I make disaster happen.

This girl I met recently and spend a lot of time with was amazing and I screwed it up. She enthusiastically said 'yes' to everything I proposed and gave me every chance possible and offered sex multiple times. I rejected it!

You're just giving up on yourself waaay too much.
I cannot **** a girl when she is naked next to me and tells me to **** her.

What would you do? You might say to yourself; 'this is just a bad day, next time will be better' and then it happens again. What do you do then? This is a long standing pattern.
 

PowerQuest

Master Don Juan
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Quit the damn whining and crying dude.


Look, I am dealing with a trauma from childhood. Although the past is the past wounds still exist, like scartissue. These wounds are effecting the rest of my life. This specificly has to do with girls.
Do you think you're the only one that got a sheitty childhood and with few or no friends , bullying etc?
This is your sheitey choice and fault too.

I got my first kiss at age 37. This is not because I am an ugly fat unattractive guy. It is because I fail to move that last distance. It is because I fail to kiss a girl when she literally begs for it. It is becaue I fail to **** when a naked girl is right next to me asking me to **** her and complaining when I do not. This happened twice now.
This is your sheitey choice and fault too.

I lost countless of oppurtunities simply because I fear that last step. I will self sabotage just to avoid it.
This is your sheitey choice and fault too.

I never went on a date in my life. I am too afraid to ask girls out.
This is your sheitey choice and fault too.

Yet girls have asked me out, invited me over and even offered sex. But I just freeze and my mind becomes a war zone trying desperate to avoid pain.
This is your sheitey choice and fault too.

This girl I met recently and spend a lot of time with was amazing and I screwed it up. She enthusiastically said 'yes' to everything I proposed and gave me every chance possible and offered sex multiple times. I rejected it!
This is your sheitey choice and fault too.


Dude the pattern repeats itself over and over again. Your fault is that you keep on making shietty choices, decisions and keep repeating bad habits and that you fvcking don't learn from them so you wont make them again..

Please...
Just fvcking stop it.
You are not special (and no one will feel sorry for you), so is no one here. We all had out bad times
The difference is that most of here have learnt from bad experiences of making poor decisions and never do those mistakes again.

You however are just like a retard that keep banging the head into the wall and thinking it will change at my will and "poof" the wall is gone. But you fvcking blame everyone else than your for your shiet outcome than yourself. It will never happen, the wall will not magically disappear dude. You need to find a way to work yourself around it by being accountable for your actions.

Change your mind, be accountable for yourself and your darn choices. Its your bad choices that is the current outcome of your life.

And yes stop for the love of god the endless complaining because you feel sorry for yourself.
Whining and complaining on a internet pickup forum won't make it better either.

Start making good choices, good habits and you be amazed over how things can change in your life.
 
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bat soup

Master Don Juan
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I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?
You can only really learn through trial and error.
You make a mistake, you learn from it. Don't give it any more importance than that.

It's inevitable that you will makes mistakes. We all do. So don't beat yourself up about it. Whatever you did to meet this girl, you can repeat to meet others. And this time you'll know what not to do.
 

DonJuanjr

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"is there any hope? 37 year old and broken" - Yes... Bang lower value women until your sexual confidence raises. This will take much pressure off you. I keep telling this to men who are lacking experience... Too bad they're influenced by the "proud" guys that wouldn't dare bang a lower value woman. Meanwhile these guys are still not getting any pusssy from any woman...Not learning sexual techniques, or becoming comfortable being in a sexual state with another human, not subconsciously learning female behavior by interacting with them. Fatties and uggos are females too. They have the same emotional roller coaster, delusions, and covert language that all women have. The price of admission is lower though.
 

RickTheToad

Moderator
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I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?
Can't look back, only move forward. You need to soak up knowledge like a sponge. Check out the required reading list below:


For you, buy/listen from Amazon, The Rational Male, How To Be A 3% Man, The Book of Numbers: Analyzing the ROI on the Pursuit of Women, The Book of Pook for dealing with the females. To help build up your self respect, you should join a MMA gym and learn discipline as well as an martial art. These books, which again, you can read or listen to are good considerations -
Bachelor Pad Economics, How To Win Friends and Influence People, The Art of War, The 48 Laws of Power, The Way of Men
 

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
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OP, I echo the poster above. If you feel broken and hopeless with the current state of the world, I'd go the Kevin Spacey route in the film American Beauty. Say F it and try to get as much enjoyment out of life as you can because things aren't getting better without massive bloodshed worldwide. Might as well indulge in escorts and whatever else brings you peace of mind (that doesn't involve harming others). If you were 21 I'd tell you different but at 37 you don't have the same innate energy or optimism.
 

Whydomyeyeshurt

Don Juan
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45
Its not too late. The good news is that there is nowhere to go but up.

Desexualizing women as you did with this girl is a mistake we all make sometimes. Its tied to p0rn conditioning. If she isnt sexually provocative then we dont think about sexualization as much as we should.

Be very open minded about who you date going forward, don't have too high of standards. There will be more good souls available to you than there are to me at my level of the game.

Do not play up your inexperience with women. Minimize it. Assume the sale and act like you've been there before.

Do not speak negatively about yourself to women, ever. Only here or with like-minded men.

Therapy will help.

Gym will be huge. TBH in your situation I would consider testosterone and other stuff to speed it up.

Read the OLD stuff on this forum. The Archive forum and the DJ Bible/Book of Pook. Anything new is far too negative for you in your position.
Pay close attention to the above. One of the big things you can do for yourself is to stop masturbating and stop watching porn. You desperately need all the testosterone you can get, and sexual discipline is a fantastic place to start.
 
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