Is there any hope? 37 year old and broken

[bat soup]

I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?

You can only really learn through trial and error.
You make a mistake, you learn from it. Don't give it any more importance than that.

It's inevitable that you will makes mistakes. We all do. So don't beat yourself up about it. Whatever you did to meet this girl, you can repeat to meet others. And this time you'll know what not to do.

 

[RickTheToad]

I am confronted with my reflection in the mirror and do not like what I see. I wonder if there is any hope and if anything can be done.

I am 37 years old, had a very traumatic youth and then I spend about 15 years of my adult life living in isolation playing video games. Avoiding life, withering away in my own misery, doing nothing. Absolutely nothing!

I never had a girlfriend and only recently I kissed a woman for the very first time. Yes, you read this right. I kissed a woman for the first time at age 37. I am afraid of woman, afraid of sexuality and have no idea what they are about.

Dreams, nightmares, reality and fantasy are all the same to me. Every day I am tortured by the demons of all the things I desire and do not have and all the things I never did and never even attempted to do. I cannot enjoy anything for I live in the shadow of my own misery which dominates my existence. Regret is what rules over me. I feel powerless and helpless.

Now I realize I could have done anything I wanted. But I didn't. I did nothing except looking out of the window and see life go bye bye.

If I can give one advice to young people it is to do something, anything, anything except nothing. You will have plenty of time to fail, to screw up, be an idiot and even be a lazy bastard. The road to hell is to do nothing. Countless of souls in hell scream "I am innocent. I have done nothing. Why am I here? What have I done?"

I did volunteer work and by working hard I managed to improve myself, gain some confidence and status being able to show some of my good qualities. A woman got attracted to me and we spend time together and I got my first kiss and after a long while she ended naked next to me. Nothing happened except me fingering her for a bit.

Although I was able to attract her by showing my good qualities at work I did nothing to improve the emptiness of my life. Frustration, desperation and neediness got the upper hand and I unloaded it all onto her. She recoiled quickly. I managed to turn myself into a pile of puke in minutes and her reaction to me showed this. She was nice, understanding and friendly, yet I could see her attitude change.

Although I never made a secret of my life of misery and never pretended to be better than I was the moment I opened my rotten mouth and uttered my frustrations and desperation I killed any left over attraction. I dug my own grave.

The truth always reveals itself! It was unavoidable.

This woman looks innocent, sweet and cute. The type you find in a library studying. She made me feel very comfortable for she did not show much of sexuality. How wrong could I be? At some point it became clear she was made out of sexuality. More sexual than I could even imagine; going far beyond anything I can fantasize about.

I am sure some other guy knows what to do with her. I don't.

It is a nightmare. One that makes me cry like nothing else because I have become fully aware of my flaws and weaknesses and failures. I cannot bull**** myself out it. I cannot blame anyone except myself.

I have no family and no friends. I cannot talk to anyone. I can only wipe my tears to a wall and maybe ask some strangers on the internet for help.

Is it still possible to turn my life around? How?

Can't look back, only move forward. You need to soak up knowledge like a sponge. Check out the required reading list below:

-----> Recommended books for all men - New Members Start Here <-----

Everyone always asks time and time again for recommended books for men to read. So here you go. I broke it down into categories. When I read them, I usually got the book and audio versions. Dating & Relations The Book of Pook (free) The Rational Male The Book of Numbers: Analyzing the ROI on...

www.sosuave.net

For you, buy/listen from Amazon, The Rational Male, How To Be A 3% Man, The Book of Numbers: Analyzing the ROI on the Pursuit of Women, The Book of Pook for dealing with the females. To help build up your self respect, you should join a MMA gym and learn discipline as well as an martial art. These books, which again, you can read or listen to are good considerations -
Bachelor Pad Economics, How To Win Friends and Influence People, The Art of War, The 48 Laws of Power, The Way of Men

 

[momentomori]

Go get escorts dude.

Check out this reddit post on instructions on how to do so: https://www.reddit.com/r/EscortClientsOnly/comments/ow1di9

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP, I echo the poster above. If you feel broken and hopeless with the current state of the world, I'd go the Kevin Spacey route in the film American Beauty. Say F it and try to get as much enjoyment out of life as you can because things aren't getting better without massive bloodshed worldwide. Might as well indulge in escorts and whatever else brings you peace of mind (that doesn't involve harming others). If you were 21 I'd tell you different but at 37 you don't have the same innate energy or optimism.

 

[Whydomyeyeshurt]

Its not too late. The good news is that there is nowhere to go but up.

Desexualizing women as you did with this girl is a mistake we all make sometimes. Its tied to p0rn conditioning. If she isnt sexually provocative then we dont think about sexualization as much as we should.

Be very open minded about who you date going forward, don't have too high of standards. There will be more good souls available to you than there are to me at my level of the game.

Do not play up your inexperience with women. Minimize it. Assume the sale and act like you've been there before.

Do not speak negatively about yourself to women, ever. Only here or with like-minded men.

Therapy will help.

Gym will be huge. TBH in your situation I would consider testosterone and other stuff to speed it up.

Read the OLD stuff on this forum. The Archive forum and the DJ Bible/Book of Pook. Anything new is far too negative for you in your position.

Pay close attention to the above. One of the big things you can do for yourself is to stop masturbating and stop watching porn. You desperately need all the testosterone you can get, and sexual discipline is a fantastic place to start.