Is she flaking, cheating, or spinning?

[white sox bill]

Well this cvnt talked to me 4 times yesterday, each time promising me to come over and screw. Then after waiting until 11pm, I called her cell, of course her VM picked up, I told her she's screwed me over for the last time, she can do whoever she wants, same for me, that we need to delete echothers phone number etc. My last line was "You and your ex-husband deserve eachother" (her ex was biggest loser, drunk, deadbeat Dad etc) and hung up on the b!tch!

Adios wench, don't let the door hit you in the ass! She's gonna have a TON of bad karma coming her way soon. Just stay the f*** away from me! I'm still a bit pis8ed, but feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. Can't wait to kick her to the curb when she comes whimpering back!!

Was my VM response approriate? Or was it too emotional? I basically caller her on her sh*t and insulted her to boot. Hopefully no AFC...

We live in small town, I'm sure sooner or later, we will run across eachother. I've always said the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference. If and when I ever speak to her, I'll be like--"Don't really care what you do anymore" attitude. That should really burn her

 

[cordoncordon]

Yeah you probably were a little too emotional in your voice mail. The best thing to do would have been just not to call and then never pick up one of her calls again. THis way she can always say you're an azz so she was justified in what she did. But overall not bad.

I wish you would have listened to all of us from the beinnning and just quit giving this woman the kind of attention you did though. It does feel good though doesn't it? To rid yourself of this baggage. Now you can spend your time, efforts, and money on someone that really wants to be with you. So its a win/win situation.

 

[Hitman10000]

Who gives a shat, she's in her 40s, four kids. Divorced. Why'd you want to think deeply about her?

You're becoming an AFC, become a man, forget about her!

 

[drZaius09]

The one major incongruency with your attitude is that it's not the attitude you actually have!

I mean, think about it... if you really "didn't care what she thought anymore" then you would have no inclination to leave that message. You also wouldn't have the inclination to post about it here.

I honestly believe that you dont want to care about this woman. But you do. You've yet to hurdle that last obstacle to indifference. My advice would be to explore other avenues of personal fulfillment, besides women. You need to realize that happiness can be yours regardless of who or how many women come over to fvck you late at night. Until then these women will continue to torture and confuse you to the point where you're spinning your wheels, posting on this board struggling to make sense of it all.

 

[white sox bill]

The one major incongruency with your attitude is that it's not the attitude you actually have!

I mean, think about it... if you really "didn't care what she thought anymore" then you would have no inclination to leave that message. You also wouldn't have the inclination to post about it here.

I honestly believe that you dont want to care about this woman. But you do. You've yet to hurdle that last obstacle to indifference. My advice would be to explore other avenues of personal fulfillment, besides women. You need to realize that happiness can be yours regardless of who or how many women come over to fvck you late at night. Until then these women will continue to torture and confuse you to the point where you're spinning your wheels, posting on this board struggling to make sense of it all.

Can't argue with that Doc..I still have my fits of rage moments, but am slowly getting over this wench. Part of me wants this thread to die, ending up on page 10 soon, then another part of me wants to fill my bro's in on what (if any) drama is ahead. Being indifferent means really not caring whether she call or not...seriously. I don't expect a call for a while, but I do think that she will try to write at least one more chapter at some point

 

[macknetikcharm]

Can't argue with that Doc..I still have my fits of rage moments, but am slowly getting over this wench. Part of me wants this thread to die, ending up on page 10 soon, then another part of me wants to fill my bro's in on what (if any) drama is ahead. Being indifferent means really not caring whether she call or not...seriously. I don't expect a call for a while, but I do think that she will try to write at least one more chapter at some point

This girl DOES or DID like you but she wasn't sure because of your emotional behavior-- she liked you despite this. It's not her fault you can't keep your FEELINGS in check.

 

[white sox bill]

This girl DOES or DID like you but she wasn't sure because of your emotional behavior-- she liked you despite this. It's not her fault you can't keep your FEELINGS in check.

OK....explain. The only real time I let my emotions fly was leaving her a nasty VM telling her off. She told me several weeks ago she felt herself falling for me, that I was too good to be true etc. Even my freinds said she had that glazed look when we went out. But I'm much better, a week later. But this is really weird (aren't they all??)

 

[macknetikcharm]

OK....explain. The only real time I let my emotions fly was leaving her a nasty VM telling her off. She told me several weeks ago she felt herself falling for me, that I was too good to be true etc. Even my freinds said she had that glazed look when we went out. But I'm much better, a week later. But this is really weird (aren't they all??)

You were too available-- in other words you couldn't control your desire enough to take it slow. In a way you gave her permission to "lose it", which is good, but on the other hand you're now too available and she can take you for granted. Don't leave abusive messages anymore, it's not cool. Passion is weird, it makes people crazy, look at the damn message you left her:nono: You've GOT to be the one in control of yourself or you'll drive both of you into a ditch.

 

[white sox bill]

You were too available-- in other words you couldn't control your desire enough to take it slow. In a way you gave her permission to "lose it", which is good, but on the other hand you're now too available and she can take you for granted. Don't leave abusive messages anymore, it's not cool. Passion is weird, it makes people crazy, look at the damn message you left her:nono: You've GOT to be the one in control of yourself or you'll drive both of you into a ditch.

Good point....I'm sure you can understand my anger and frustration. Are you saying I should have left NO message? Or should I have been ****y and funny about my message?

I will likely see her in 2 weeks at HS football game. I was thinking of trying to "mend" things at game, if I didn't have to go to far out of my way. By mend, I don't mean try to get back with her, but try and get things at least be civil again. I can LJBF her, see where that leads her. Good idea?

 

[macknetikcharm]

Good point....I'm sure you can understand my anger and frustration. Are you saying I should have left NO message? Or should I have been ****y and funny about my message?

I will likely see her in 2 weeks at HS football game. I was thinking of trying to "mend" things at game, if I didn't have to go to far out of my way. By mend, I don't mean try to get back with her, but try and get things at least be civil again. I can LJBF her, see where that leads her. Good idea?

The CLASSY thing to do is apologize for that message and leave it there(walk away) Be HONEST and admit you FREAKED out because YOU DID-- the ball will now be in her court, let her make her move from there. Think of it like a FRIENDLY game of ping-pong- let her play her game, if you play both sides you'll NEVER know what she's thinking, or if she's having fun. Would YOU have fun if someone never let you play for yourself? Nobody likes a ball-hog, especially a tempermental one.

 

[white sox bill]

The CLASSY thing to do is apologize for that message and leave it there(walk away) Be HONEST and admit you FREAKED out because YOU DID-- the ball will now be in her court, let her make her move from there. Think of it like a FRIENDLY game of ping-pong- let her play her game, if you play both sides you'll NEVER know what she's thinking, or if she's having fun. Would YOU have fun if someone never let you play for yourself? Nobody likes a ball-hog, especially a tempermental one.

Macknetik remember she stood me up that night. I called her on her sh*t. But I'm willing to let that crap pass. So your saying IF I see her at football game, apologize and so on. However, I should NOT call her right? I feel she need to apologize to me also. So we are both wrong, Agreed?

 

[macknetikcharm]

Macknetik remember she stood me up that night. I called her on her sh*t. But I'm willing to let that crap pass. So your saying IF I see her at football game, apologize and so on. However, I should NOT call her right? I feel she need to apologize to me also. So we are both wrong, Agreed?

Just apologize for what YOU did, explain BRIEFLY you were FRUSTRATED and be prapared to walk away GRACEFULLY if she's not IMMEDIATELY receptive(girls work slower than we do sometimes)

 

[speed dawg]

Macknetik remember she stood me up that night. I called her on her sh*t. But I'm willing to let that crap pass. So your saying IF I see her at football game, apologize and so on. However, I should NOT call her right? I feel she need to apologize to me also. So we are both wrong, Agreed?

WRONG.

I decide what I want. The ball is ALWAYS in MY court. I make my own choices. Fukk all this "tell her this and that, and see what she does" bullsh!t. YOU decide how YOU want to deal with this, white sox. You need to stop looking at it from a "what if she does..." standpoint. Do what you gotta do. You have to be willing to walk away.

 

[macknetikcharm]

However, I should NOT call her right? I feel she need to apologize to me also. So we are both wrong, Agreed?

It's always better to do something in person, so I would definitely wait to see if she shows. If she shows, it's 'cause she KNOWS you'll be there and she wants to talk. If she doesn't it's 'cause she's uncomfortable for whatever reason(who knows? guilt, fear, whatever...)

If you wanna play super-duper Barry Bonds "what juice?" hardball you DON'T SHOW and WAIT IT OUT. Remember: the best way to convince someone they're WRONG is to let them figure it out on their own

 

[white sox bill]

It's always better to do something in person, so I would definitely wait to see if she shows. If she shows, it's 'cause she KNOWS you'll be there and she wants to talk. If she doesn't it's 'cause she's uncomfortable for whatever reason(who knows? guilt, fear, whatever...)

If you wanna play super-duper Barry Bonds "what juice?" hardball you DON'T SHOW and WAIT IT OUT. Remember: the best way to convince someone they're WRONG is to let them figure it out on their own

Her son plays on the team. She's there regardless of me. My latest theory is the ex husband is back in the picture. The younger gal who he shacked up with has a BF who got out of prison a couple of weeks ago, vowing to take her back. This leaves the abusive, drugging, alcoholic ex out on the street. Wonder who he would call to take him in?

100% she's at game though. Small town, quite sure I'll see her on sidelines.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Unless you learn from this situation, you'll repeat your future mistakes. Situations will repeat themselves, but the individual semantics will vary, causing you, or any man to return to this site and ask the same questions, packaged as different occurences.


The Micro issues are the regular posts..."What do I do..." "What should I say..." Second guessing your initial actions. Worrying what she thinks. Emotional reactions, rather than logical actions. These are all MICRO issues.

There's ONE macro issue, just like there's one TRUNK to a tree, but MANY branches. And that you 2 are not compatible, evidently, or you're not "right". This conflict is within you, like some split of the mind. If you were affirmed of your own actions, you'd never have to post here. But because you're unsure of your actions, you post.

I'm not meaning to harp, but I see the pain and the pain will continue so long as you follow the path of your current beliefs to their ultimate end. What guys here provide are small bandages to your minor cuts and bruises experienced in various relationships. Yet, over the long-run, if each choice and decision and relationship isn't building a successful one, then you're building a track record of UNSUCCESSFUL ones, and ultimately, you'll not have gained the habits and beliefs that will make you a successful relationship-type of guy, or PUA.

There will be FEW, if ANY girls who matchup well enough to have a relationship with. In fact, there's perhaps 2 handfulls. The only way we know is by engaging in relationships. Overtime, the differences come to the surface, and the relationship ends, or continutes INFINATUM...There's 2 fates for relationships. A fixed time period or forever (as long as we're alive). You might remain friends, if you can handle that, but few relationships become friendships. Yet, many friendships can become a relationship, b/c in a LTR you have to be FRIENDS and LOVERS. Unless most of your time is spent boning, the largest % of your time in a NON-ons relationship will be spent together in NON-sex, NON-romantic activity. Such as, activities, sports, beach-going, hobbies, family and friend activities, working, goals, etc. If you're not in common there, at least philosophically, you won't hold together well. You might enjoy private time, but if she can't let you be you, and you can't let her be her as you were BEFORE you met, it will fail in the long-run, and perhaps even quicker.

The type of men that ARE fixable or changeable by women are the type they won't last long with or won't end up loving very deeply. They'll become complacent and unhappy. As long as you remain UNFIXABLE and UNCHANGEABLE, she'll always find that fun, because it's a NEVER-ending project. She will be discontent if and when you changed. The most important part of being in a relationship is BEING wonderful with who you are. That's it. When you lose yourself, guys end up bouncing back to who it was they were/are that made their SO happy. And then they're even more lost than they were.

Figure out what singular problem it is that's vaulting you into this situation and squash it now, or be prepared to continue it forever. It's your choice either way, and Sosuave will be here for the majority of guys to forever bandage themselves, but never wholly FIX it.


A-Unit

 

[speed dawg]

Sh1t I quoted the wrong post.....I meant to quote magnet dude's post about putting the ball in her court.....my bad...

 

[macknetikcharm]

Her son plays on the team. She's there regardless of me. My latest theory is the ex husband is back in the picture. The younger gal who he shacked up with has a BF who got out of prison a couple of weeks ago, vowing to take her back. This leaves the abusive, drugging, alcoholic ex out on the street. Wonder who he would call to take him in?

100% she's at game though. Small town, quite sure I'll see her on sidelines.

There's a difference between intuition and imagination- keep your theories in check. Go to the game, make the move, split. Don't pin her down if she's there 'cause of her kid-- she's going to feel obligated to be "polite" under those circumstances, and you'll never know what she really thinks. She'll be impressed if you just apologize for what you did and LEAVE THE GAME.

Making excuses for what you did is her job, let her call you. Remember though, if you wanna play super-duper hardball you don't show at all-- trust your instincts. Either way you GOTTA apologize for that phone call, you're not her DAD or her PIMP man, she was inconsiderate because you made it easy for her to be so.

 

[drZaius09]

I must say, A-Unit's post was brilliant and I enjoyed reading it. He summed up quite nicely what a lot of you guys have been actively DENYING for as long as I've been a member here. And that is-- as soon as you post here about a specific member of the opposite sex who is causing you hardship, you are LOST. You are not going to recover, for all the reasons A-Unit already expounded upon. In the past I have sparingly posted messages about particular "ladies." I posted here because I was desperate, spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. Every single one of those situations ended in disaster. My fate was sealed the moment I CARED enough to come here for help. Think about it.

 

[white sox bill]

Unless you learn from this situation, you'll repeat your future mistakes. Situations will repeat themselves, but the individual semantics will vary, causing you, or any man to return to this site and ask the same questions, packaged as different occurences.


The Micro issues are the regular posts..."What do I do..." "What should I say..." Second guessing your initial actions. Worrying what she thinks. Emotional reactions, rather than logical actions. These are all MICRO issues.

There's ONE macro issue, just like there's one TRUNK to a tree, but MANY branches. And that you 2 are not compatible, evidently, or you're not "right". This conflict is within you, like some split of the mind. If you were affirmed of your own actions, you'd never have to post here. But because you're unsure of your actions, you post.

I'm not meaning to harp, but I see the pain and the pain will continue so long as you follow the path of your current beliefs to their ultimate end. What guys here provide are small bandages to your minor cuts and bruises experienced in various relationships. Yet, over the long-run, if each choice and decision and relationship isn't building a successful one, then you're building a track record of UNSUCCESSFUL ones, and ultimately, you'll not have gained the habits and beliefs that will make you a successful relationship-type of guy, or PUA.

There will be FEW, if ANY girls who matchup well enough to have a relationship with. In fact, there's perhaps 2 handfulls. The only way we know is by engaging in relationships. Overtime, the differences come to the surface, and the relationship ends, or continutes INFINATUM...There's 2 fates for relationships. A fixed time period or forever (as long as we're alive). You might remain friends, if you can handle that, but few relationships become friendships. Yet, many friendships can become a relationship, b/c in a LTR you have to be FRIENDS and LOVERS. Unless most of your time is spent boning, the largest % of your time in a NON-ons relationship will be spent together in NON-sex, NON-romantic activity. Such as, activities, sports, beach-going, hobbies, family and friend activities, working, goals, etc. If you're not in common there, at least philosophically, you won't hold together well. You might enjoy private time, but if she can't let you be you, and you can't let her be her as you were BEFORE you met, it will fail in the long-run, and perhaps even quicker.

The type of men that ARE fixable or changeable by women are the type they won't last long with or won't end up loving very deeply. They'll become complacent and unhappy. As long as you remain UNFIXABLE and UNCHANGEABLE, she'll always find that fun, because it's a NEVER-ending project. She will be discontent if and when you changed. The most important part of being in a relationship is BEING wonderful with who you are. That's it. When you lose yourself, guys end up bouncing back to who it was they were/are that made their SO happy. And then they're even more lost than they were.

Figure out what singular problem it is that's vaulting you into this situation and squash it now, or be prepared to continue it forever. It's your choice either way, and Sosuave will be here for the majority of guys to forever bandage themselves, but never wholly FIX it.


A-Unit

Well put A-Unit. Once you take the time and effert to care to post about this kind of crap, your in deep dodo. I read her that being a DJ is a state of mind, not some silly pick up lines, how to mack and so on. I keep band aiding the problem instead of fixing the problem mentally. This keeps my wheels spinning w/nowhere to go. I'm upset that this wench, who is clearly several notches
below me on the 1-10 scale, has burnt me. Its like the Super Bowl champs getting beat by a 2 bit minor league team.

I will use this episode to launch me...I'm goiing thru boot camp, last PM me and a buddy went out and I did quite well, one was a waitress at a minor league baseball game who remembered me from back in June, another was a drunk gal at a bar who kept grabbing my butt and another was a divorced mother who initiated a conversation w/me at the bar. Going back out again tonight for more. Thanks to everyone for input, beleive me I study each reply with great interest.