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Is my friend busy, or is it something else?

The LadyKiller

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This doesn't involve trying to get a girl, but it does involve dating, so I am hoping you could explain what's happening in my situation.

I've been dating my gf for a year. My close friend has been dating his gf for 4 months. Early on when he and his gf were dating, he would text me regularly telling me how happy he was and, recently, pushing for us to double date (he has met my gf once). Typical stuff.

However, over the past month, he's been acting...differently. And I don't think it's because he's spending tons of time with his new girl (they hung out pretty regularly early on - moreso than they do now, and we kept in touch consistently). If I call or text, he doesn't respond for 2-3 days (with those responses being short), when it used to be instantaneous. When I've brought up our double date plans, he formally declines ("Gf and I are unable to attend", with no rain check). Somehow, I got him to meet me for dinner over the weekend. He wasn't in a bad mood, but was reserved. Didn't have much to say, and I probably carried 80% of the conversation. I asked about his gf and how things were going, he never asked about mine. I asked him if he was doing ok, he said "yeah everything is good, me and gf are good, I'm just busy." Which would be completely valid, if he didn't tell me minutes before he is bored at work and only sees his gf a couple of days a week. There aren't any ill family members he is worried about either. I texted him the next day saying it was nice to catch up. 4 days later, no response.

Is this a huge deal? No. But I think it's odd. My gf doesn't think he is treating me well and thinks I'm too calm about it. I know many people grow apart over time, but this seems sort of sudden. When it comes to maintaining friendships when both of you are in relationships, what advice would you suggest? Because whatever is happening in this case, that's not it.
 

The LadyKiller

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Frightening. They don't see each other every day, so that's what makes it puzzling. Why not communicate on days you're not preoccupied with her? And even when my gf and I have looked to double-date, he (or, more likely, she) doesn't appear interested. The fact he doesn't appear to fight back make him pssywhipped, I agree.

When they first started dating, they saw each other 10 times in the first month o_O, then a couple months later went on weekend getaway with her. However, he told me he was/is "tempted" by other girls. Which is hilarious since he isn't a player and has little skill
 

oldmanofthesea

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It could be any number of things. Yeah, he could be allowing his girl to control him, but it could be many other things too, like perhaps he got laid off and is trying to keep it a secret or he is going through some family issues or any number of other things you have no idea about.

But just like with girls, you can’t control your guy friends either, and you have to judge people by their actions. Regardless of the circumstances, friendships are a two way street and right now his actions are showing you that your friendship is not that important to him. He may come around again some time later depending on his circumstances, but there is no point in over analyzing it and catching what-if-itis. You’ve done your part to invite him to things, to hang out, to inquire about his life. Now it’s time for him to invest the same toward your friendship, and until he does, the best thing you can do is move-on with your life, and continue growing your social circle.
 

Romanemp22

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Seems like his gf turned him around, I hate those kind of '' friends", also he's not man enough. I would definitely appreciate more to someone just tell me I don't want to hang out anymore but by doing this his just a spineless d1ck. You did your part, you tried to keep the friendship up but he showed you he's not very good and reliable friend so I would from this point give my hands up from that friendship.
 

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Tilex

Master Don Juan
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Who does he live with?
If someone acts unusual like that, it typically means trouble is brewing at home.
He's probably not getting enough sleep, drinking too much, or had a poor diet.
Or the people he's living with is stressing him out. Might even be the landlord.

There has to be more to his story.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
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This doesn't involve trying to get a girl, but it does involve dating, so I am hoping you could explain what's happening in my situation.

I've been dating my gf for a year. My close friend has been dating his gf for 4 months. Early on when he and his gf were dating, he would text me regularly telling me how happy he was and, recently, pushing for us to double date (he has met my gf once). Typical stuff.

However, over the past month, he's been acting...differently. And I don't think it's because he's spending tons of time with his new girl (they hung out pretty regularly early on - moreso than they do now, and we kept in touch consistently). If I call or text, he doesn't respond for 2-3 days (with those responses being short), when it used to be instantaneous. When I've brought up our double date plans, he formally declines ("Gf and I are unable to attend", with no rain check). Somehow, I got him to meet me for dinner over the weekend. He wasn't in a bad mood, but was reserved. Didn't have much to say, and I probably carried 80% of the conversation. I asked about his gf and how things were going, he never asked about mine. I asked him if he was doing ok, he said "yeah everything is good, me and gf are good, I'm just busy." Which would be completely valid, if he didn't tell me minutes before he is bored at work and only sees his gf a couple of days a week. There aren't any ill family members he is worried about either. I texted him the next day saying it was nice to catch up. 4 days later, no response.

Is this a huge deal? No. But I think it's odd. My gf doesn't think he is treating me well and thinks I'm too calm about it. I know many people grow apart over time, but this seems sort of sudden. When it comes to maintaining friendships when both of you are in relationships, what advice would you suggest? Because whatever is happening in this case, that's not it.
I know he is your friend but you shouldn't be doing all the work in the relationship. Just friendships 101
 

bat soup

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I'm not sure the it's necessarily because of the chick. Maybe he's got addicted to meth or he took offence when you farted at him in the elevator.
 

r4zorsharp

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Sounds like hes probably having issues with his girl but doesnt want to tell you.. probably in the thick of it.

or

He's probably fvcking your girl and your girl is trying to get you to think like this so you unfriend him, making it easier for them to do their dirty deeds without the guilt.

Just kidding.. just kidding.. or am I?
 

The LadyKiller

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I haven't reached out since the last time I attempted to a couple of weeks ago. As far as I know, he isn't having any serious issues. He lives by himself, so it's not a domestic problem. He was in a serious relationship a few years ago and there were never any communication gaps.

At some point, I may bluntly ask him what's going on, but for now I will probably let it be. If he wants to continue the friendship, he will.
 
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