Is male friendship a real thing?

[jhonny9546]

What is male friendship really?

Modern movies, stories, and narratives may have actually brainwashed us about what true male friendship is, and should actually be.

In fact, movies show us how men form deep, friendly relationships not only because of their shared interests and pursuits, but also because they like each other as people.

History tells us otherwise: men compete with each other, whether for status, money, or women.
Long ago, men fought and killed each other for this.

However, in today's society, things have changed somewhat.
But it has simply evolved: now, there is a tendency to "mock" or "discredit" other men in the group, marginalizing them.
Or making them appear of low value.

Men form brotherhoods when it comes to working together, yet men should be in competition.

The older you get, the more nuance there is to this.

 

[Divorced w 3]

What a sad and unfortunate question to even have to ask.

 

[jhonny9546]

It may seem trivial, but it is not.
Anyone who is in the process of improvement has seen how friends turn their backs on him.
Because they don't want you to be happy. (And this is the first truth I learned.)

The second is this: Life is about exploiting each other. Whoever doesn't want to do it remains alone.

If you become authentic, you are an easy target, but if instead you become a good exploiter, then you are "everyone's friend" and will make alliances

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I believe men have, and should strive to have, the strongest bonds with other men above anyone else. Even stronger than the bonds with their wives/GFs.

My friends mean more to me than my family. I've never let a woman come in between me and my friendships, and never will.

 

[oOh Nasty]

You're conflating authenticity with being easily taken advantage of. In most of your posts, you're always saying things like "most people, everyone" etc...but actually, it's probably just you, brother.

True, once a man is in the process of reaching or has reached the next level in his life, people will stray away from him. That's just the nature of society. But don't let that lead you to believe that dudes just wanna exploit eachother and that "authentic" dudes are the ones that get backstabbed. Pretty grim nature that your mind is in.

It's not that authentic dudes are an easy target...it's that soft and naive dudes are an easy target. People just generally don't want to be around them. And you have a constant theme in your threads about "exploiters" and people who "talk behind other peoples' backs" as being cream of the crop when it comes to social standing...but I'm really curious as to what you're observing in everyday life to make such a general accusation that these "snakes" are as cool, successful, and publicly loved as you think they are.

Your second point is just straight up...I don't even know what to say. It depends on your definition of "exploit." Men stick around when they have value with eachother. So if someone is bringing value into my life, I'll most likely keep him in my radar and find ways to be valuable to him. A basic guy with a normal backbone wouldn't keep a bum around who's always taking and not giving value. Your statement is a bit general, so you might have to explain a bit exactly what you mean.

Maybe find some better friends, or don't be the guy that's always getting taken advantage of.

 

[BaronOfHair]

History tells us otherwise: men compete with each other, whether for status, money, or women.
Long ago, men fought and killed each other for this

You can be fond of another fella personally, and still put an entire 9mm clip into his chest or/and decapitate him with a katana, if doing so will bring you and your "tribe" greater riches and resources

The two ARE NOT mutually exclusive

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

I believe strong common experience and struggles during the formative years (<25) are a must to have strong longlasting genuine friendships.

After that the glue is common goals, common struggles or common enemies.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I have read way too many books about friendship and seen too many of my friendships to dissolve into nothing to know that in common scenarios of modern world, male friendship usually does not last that long and is overglorified. When you have family and children, rest of the world simply does not matter that much.

 

[LTG71]

I have read way too many books about friendship and seen too many of my friendships to dissolve into nothing to know that in common scenarios of modern world, male friendship usually does not last that long and is overglorified. When you have family and children, rest of the world simply does not matter that much.

Maybe not so much that it doesn’t matter, it’s that having a family and children consumes a large portion of your free time.

Men need to have a tribe. It’s not the same when hanging out with the wife who is reminding me of chores when we are out for a walk. That is not relaxing. I’d rather unwind with my buddies and forget about responsibilities for a little while. I have other guy friends with the same mindset, just here to have fun and enjoy the camaraderie. It‘s having a connection through a shared life experience. A woman can’t relate to the male experience like a male friend can.

 

[Gamisch]

Friendships are just like other relationships: they are volatile. People change overtime. A man who had identity xyz at 25 can be a completely different person 20 years later.

The best way to view friendships are through a lense of " we both add(ed) value for the time being"

Offer your lonely friend a wife and some kids and poof you won't see him again, and you should actually be happy for him as well..

This is a typical lesson every man will learn sooner or later.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What kind of question is this? You have way too much time on your hands bro, to constantly come up with these off the wall topics, that's all I will add to this thread

 

[Manure Spherian]

I have close friends from damn near 20 to 40 years ago! Two of my closest friends I met at eight years old and I’m in my 40s.

 

[jhonny9546]

True, once a man is in the process of reaching or has reached the next level in his life, people will stray from him.

Yet if you're a successful person, but you're authentic, I've seen others come closer, rather than move away.

I'm really curious as to what you're observing in everyday life to make such a general accusation that these "snakes" are as cool, successful, and publicly loved as you think they are.

They're loved, no doubt about it. I don't think it's related to my culture; they're everywhere.
Just look at the classic boss or CEO of a small company, or anyone who wants to "lead" in social groups. I've met authentic, calm men, whom you call "naive," who are more confident than the insecure, fake alphas who shout loudly and command the crowd.

Your statement is a bit general, so you might have to explain a bit exactly what you mean.

If you ask me specifically what, I could expand on the discussion further.

After that, the glue is common goals, common struggles, or common enemies.

Regardless of whether people are healthy or not. That's what seems to matter.
That's what the whole point is based on.
It also makes you think a lot about how a family or a couple works.
Even if they tease others, they devalue them precisely to increase the "compactness" of their internal group. In doing so, they have common enemies.

When you have a family and children, the rest of the world simply doesn't matter that much.

The problem begins when you're left alone.
And it could be because you're single, or because for some reason you have to leave that family, whether it's blood or created by you (wife and children).

But the problem is the same.

 

[Travel memoir21]

I have read way too many books about friendship and seen too many of my friendships to dissolve into nothing to know that in common scenarios of modern world, male friendship usually does not last that long and is overglorified. When you have family and children, rest of the world simply does not matter that much.

See that’s the problem with our communities, it’s this common man indifference and extended selfishness that causes much of everything’s demise. There’s homeless Veterans who fought for The US’s freedoms who are being treated like dirt everyday, sleeping unthankfully in homeless shelters and lining up peacefully in soup kitchens everyday. The most we can do is give these people, and take up extra- ordinary causes to our everyday schedule, that is how we grow and foster character and the spiritual zeal we need in our everyday errands brother.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Travel Memoirs,
I think you are very hard on your Veterans Affairs Folks...Knew an American Serviceman over here,poor bvugger got Parkinsons,every month your people flew him to Hawai for treatment all expenses paid...If you want an example of callous treatment,look to the Brits.My Uncle fought the retreat at Dunkirk finished up a POW,yet ended his life dying of TB on a park bench.