"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

Read more...

Is jealousy a basis for attraction?

becker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 13, 2003
Messages
1,697
Reaction score
4
This girl that I was just with and sort of broke up with got me thinking about the whole attraction thing. She was into me at the start, things were pretty hot and heavy quick, and it sort of just died down when things sort of got more normal between us.

Anyways, what happened, and what some of you might also be victim of once in a while, is that I just got too comfortable. I told myself that there's no longer a need to play games with this girl, and we could just do stuff together and forget all that crap.

WRONG! I've found that in the end, even a good girl like this, who was about as innocent as you can get for girls these days, will get tired of being comfortable. You'd think that less drama would be good, but in actuality, it's what makes relationships more "interesting" I guess, for lack of a better word.

We had the sexual thing going, and it was very good, but she is the type of gal who wants her cake and to eat it too, which is typical because she was a little bit full of herself at times.

Now, I'm going to stay friends with this girl, and possibly friends with benefits, and we had a talk and she's definitely not looking for a relationship, which I thought she was. This is weird since I'm so used to a girl wanting a relationship after you've gotten in her pants, but this girl doesn't. Anyways, no complaints here, because she seems to be open to possibly doing the FWB thing, which makes me pinch myself just to check and see if I'm dreaming.

The problem with this is that what happens when I start dating other women, and this girl gets jealous? If that turns into her being more attracted, then I would have just killed the non-committed sex stuff we'd have, which would sort of suck, given that that was the best part of our relationship.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

DeathDealer

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 3, 2004
Messages
640
Reaction score
0
Buddy, you've been on here for a long time. You still do not "get it." Someday you will, maybe not.. but I'll keep that hope up.
 

Kaine

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 11, 2004
Messages
475
Reaction score
1
Location
In your head
Anyways, what happened, and what some of you might also be victim of once in a while, is that I just got too comfortable. I told myself that there's no longer a need to play games with this girl, and we could just do stuff together and forget all that crap.
Ah just wrote about this today, you gotta keep working at it. Sucks don't it? That's why you make sure the girl you chose is FANTASTIC, motivates you to stop been complacent. I really don't like to call it playing mind games, I'd like to call it maintenance.

Jealousy the basis of attraction? I can't instantly articulate the details but they are interrelated.

You could say that jealousy inspires attraction, or perhaps attraction is the basis for jealousy? Jealousy can kick start attraction and it can also be a side effect of attraction.

Either way a bit of jealousy never hurts.

Here are my suggestions for your situation, ideally you don't tell her anything. Why would you need to, you aren't exclusive? I assume this an agreed situation. When she does find out and complains etc, just turn it around and tell her that it's her that doesn't want a committed relationship. Candy coat it if necessary i.e. you're great but I have emotional needs to, I need stablity as well etc etc.

Kaine
 

Nightspark

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
204
Reaction score
0
Age
40
Location
Sydney, Australia
jealousy is too much of a powerful tool to dive into... yes you can use it to get her i guess but it's got a 50/50 chance it'll work in my experiance... oh and just becasue u use this tool doesnt mean she's gonna jump on top of ya in a second, it's all abou you dude and urr suaveness
 

becker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 13, 2003
Messages
1,697
Reaction score
4
Originally posted by DeathDealer
Buddy, you've been on here for a long time. You still do not "get it." Someday you will, maybe not.. but I'll keep that hope up.
Well hey, guy, I'm open for suggestions, that's what this place is for. Instead of keeping hope, why don't you help a guy out?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

Read more...

Top