Is jealousy a basis for attraction?

[becker]

This girl that I was just with and sort of broke up with got me thinking about the whole attraction thing. She was into me at the start, things were pretty hot and heavy quick, and it sort of just died down when things sort of got more normal between us.

Anyways, what happened, and what some of you might also be victim of once in a while, is that I just got too comfortable. I told myself that there's no longer a need to play games with this girl, and we could just do stuff together and forget all that crap.

WRONG! I've found that in the end, even a good girl like this, who was about as innocent as you can get for girls these days, will get tired of being comfortable. You'd think that less drama would be good, but in actuality, it's what makes relationships more "interesting" I guess, for lack of a better word.

We had the sexual thing going, and it was very good, but she is the type of gal who wants her cake and to eat it too, which is typical because she was a little bit full of herself at times.

Now, I'm going to stay friends with this girl, and possibly friends with benefits, and we had a talk and she's definitely not looking for a relationship, which I thought she was. This is weird since I'm so used to a girl wanting a relationship after you've gotten in her pants, but this girl doesn't. Anyways, no complaints here, because she seems to be open to possibly doing the FWB thing, which makes me pinch myself just to check and see if I'm dreaming.

The problem with this is that what happens when I start dating other women, and this girl gets jealous? If that turns into her being more attracted, then I would have just killed the non-committed sex stuff we'd have, which would sort of suck, given that that was the best part of our relationship.

 

[DeathDealer]

Buddy, you've been on here for a long time. You still do not "get it." Someday you will, maybe not.. but I'll keep that hope up.

 

[Kaine]

Anyways, what happened, and what some of you might also be victim of once in a while, is that I just got too comfortable. I told myself that there's no longer a need to play games with this girl, and we could just do stuff together and forget all that crap.

Ah just wrote about this today, you gotta keep working at it. Sucks don't it? That's why you make sure the girl you chose is FANTASTIC, motivates you to stop been complacent. I really don't like to call it playing mind games, I'd like to call it maintenance.

Jealousy the basis of attraction? I can't instantly articulate the details but they are interrelated.

You could say that jealousy inspires attraction, or perhaps attraction is the basis for jealousy? Jealousy can kick start attraction and it can also be a side effect of attraction.

Either way a bit of jealousy never hurts.

Here are my suggestions for your situation, ideally you don't tell her anything. Why would you need to, you aren't exclusive? I assume this an agreed situation. When she does find out and complains etc, just turn it around and tell her that it's her that doesn't want a committed relationship. Candy coat it if necessary i.e. you're great but I have emotional needs to, I need stablity as well etc etc.

Kaine

 

[Nightspark]

jealousy is too much of a powerful tool to dive into... yes you can use it to get her i guess but it's got a 50/50 chance it'll work in my experiance... oh and just becasue u use this tool doesnt mean she's gonna jump on top of ya in a second, it's all abou you dude and urr suaveness

 

[becker]

Originally posted by DeathDealer
Buddy, you've been on here for a long time. You still do not "get it." Someday you will, maybe not.. but I'll keep that hope up.

Well hey, guy, I'm open for suggestions, that's what this place is for. Instead of keeping hope, why don't you help a guy out?