Hmm,I know what you mean. I have the control/sort of confidence thing down through work. I work retail,so you have to really learn how to deal with people. But outside of it,when I am bored,I am this miserable,self loathing,misanthropic person.
The risk thing,that's my problem. I have this way of seeing things on a large scale,like I should be ahead,like I should I have done this that and the other thing sooner,so making the small steps seems harder than it is. I mean,I have spent more time indoors,on here,bvtiching,that actually improving,etc. I mean, I never thought my life would end up like this,empty and alone.
I mean,something as much as going to a bar/club,or joining a group. I mean,I feel myself almost able to approach anytime,anywhere,it's just that nervousness. I would like to be able to bang any chick anywhere anytime,but lack the experience. Both sexually and how I carry myself,etc. I mean,I have been so unable to make a move,and the missed opportunities,god,it's nerve wracking. I almost feel no one would want to be with me due to said inexperience. Or am I just overexagerating this?
On a more bright note,I may be going out with this girl I know. I met her at school through some other people I knew,and we talk back and forth. I mean,she never gave me any sort of I see you only as a freind thing,but we are just that as it stands,freinds. Anyways,she broke up with her bf,so I am thinking "Yes!!! Rebound action!!! Or at least maybe a *******!!!" Or not. I mean,we are always making sexual jokes and comments to one another,who knows? She is a bit younger,19,but I get the feeling she is already more experienced than me,which is another world of insecurity for me.
