Is it effective to be an "aloof" nice guy?

[tsmith2334]

This is the formula I'm trying out.

Being an a-hole just isn't me. I've tried it, but I know it seems put on and fake. Nobody's buying it and doesn't work.

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a nice, friendly, confident and funny guy. I'm a great conversationalist, college grad, awesome 9 to 5, in-shape, upbeat, good looks. So rather than be somebody I'm not, I'm going to use kindness to my advantage.

The key to me is being nice and pleasant, without being TOO nice. Bending over backwards and agreeing with everything she says is not something I plan to do. I'm gonna make sure she knows I have a pair. But I'm always smiling and very respectful, and making her laugh.

To me, that's more or less what women want. I read a decent article in Men's Health about speed dating (which mirrors actual dating). It said the guys who had the best retention rate weren't the ones with crazy openers or the rude, arrogant d-bags. The guys who got the most mutual interest were friendly and smiled a lot, and listened politely.

So, in order to increase attraction, I'm thinking that I'd be best off limiting my supply. Not always responding to texts, not always accessible, kinda mysterious (but open at times- she has to work for it). But almost always, "nice".

Isn't this a much better gameplan that just being an a-hole and attracting decent looking women with daddy issues?

 

[Shivastorm_88]

If you want to look it at black or white, you can either be:

An AFC, you will never get laid and everyone (not just women) will constantly walk over you, although you are a overtly nice and respectful

An *******, you will get laid, but you'll never be able to have real relationships (again, not just with women, but in general), but at least no one will walk over you

Or, what this website calls a DJ, which is pretty much a crossbreed from the two top ones, meaning you are a nice, respectful person, while at the same time you don't let people walk over you and you stand for what you believe in.



Personally, the third option is what seems the best one (and it seems to be what you're aiming for), so go for it... And don't fake being "too busy to answer texts and to be always available", genuinely be too busy to offer everyone all your spare time.

 

[tsmith2334]

If you want to look it at black or white, you can either be:

An AFC, you will never get laid and everyone (not just women) will constantly walk over you, although you are a overtly nice and respectful

An *******, you will get laid, but you'll never be able to have real relationships (again, not just with women, but in general), but at least no one will walk over you

Or, what this website calls a DJ, which is pretty much a crossbreed from the two top ones, meaning you are a nice, respectful person, while at the same time you don't let people walk over you and you stand for what you believe in.



Personally, the third option is what seems the best one (and it seems to be what you're aiming for), so go for it... And don't fake being "too busy to answer texts and to be always available", genuinely be too busy to offer everyone all your spare time.

Great feedback, repped. Without even thinking about it, I'm basically going the DJ route.

 

[zekko]

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a nice, friendly, confident and funny guy. I'm a great conversationalist, college grad, awesome 9 to 5, in-shape, upbeat, good looks. So rather than be somebody I'm not, I'm going to use kindness to my advantage.

Sounds like you have a lot going for you. As long as you have the nerve to approach and escalate, and remember to be masculine, you shouldn't need to play these stupid games trying to emulate the "bad boy". That stuff is for guys who don't have anything else going for them. You have value and are a good catch, and women are going to realize that.

I read a decent article in Men's Health about speed dating (which mirrors actual dating). It said the guys who had the best retention rate weren't the ones with crazy openers or the rude, arrogant d-bags. The guys who got the most mutual interest were friendly and smiled a lot, and listened politely.

I'm not a bit surprised.

An AFC, you will never get laid

Actually, AFCs get laid all the time.

An *******, you will get laid, but you'll never be able to have real relationships (again, not just with women, but in general), but at least no one will walk over you

Or, what this website calls a DJ, which is pretty much a crossbreed from the two top ones, meaning you are a nice, respectful person, while at the same time you don't let people walk over you and you stand for what you believe in.

I would say there is a significant faction here on SoSuave who would define being a DJ as being the @sshole.
There is another faction who sees being a DJ as improving themselves in every aspect of their lives, and that is the far more uplifting definition.

 

[handle]

You've got it right. If you
1) Are pretty cool and nice
2) Have a backbone and things to do
You're pretty far ahead of everyone else. It's astonishing what being nice + having hobbies/work than make you unavailable can do.

 

[Zarky]

Being an a-hole just isn't me. I've tried it, but I know it seems put on and fake. Nobody's buying it and doesn't work.

Can you give us some examples of what, exactly, you "tried?" I don't believe that you actually tried to be an as*hole. I'm just not buying it.

 

[kingsam]

There is another faction who sees being a DJ as improving themselves in every aspect of their lives, and that is the far more uplifting definition.

yes a "true DJ" is a Good Guy...

• genuine
• respectful
• gentleman
  
• dont care about what other people think of him like most people do, dont seek validation
• sets boundaries
• has options, can walk away
• stands up to what needs to be done

ad infinium.......

 

[Reckoning]

Being a nice guy is not a bad thing when you are good looking.