Is it Childish to Block and Delete?

[nicksaiz65]

I mean I’ve already done it but…
I wanted to see what you guys think as well.

Yesterday I got fired from my side band job! I knew I should’ve quit before they fired me lol. The reason being that I’m also a full time programmer. And they’d rather work with someone who is also a full time musician. They said I can do one off shows here and there, but I’m like nah, f that.

I’ve already unliked and blocked their page, unfriended and blocked on all social media. I realize that you’re not supposed to burn bridges, but I don’t ever really want to talk to them again. If I see them while I’m out buying groceries I’ll speak, but that’s about it.

I would’ve blocked their personal cell phones too so they have zero means of contacting me, but I still have to meet them to pick up my last check, and I’m drafting a contract saying that I own rights to a lot of their original music. (I wrote a lot of it and played on every track on out two albums.) I need them to sign that, just in case one of their songs makes it really big. And so I don’t get screwed over, while they’re out here using my parts and promoting recordings that I am on. Then I’ll block their phone numbers too.

I’ve been good friends with some of them for nearly 7 years. Is it childish to block them and instantly end the friendship over this? (My definition of childish is more like leaving negative reviews, and trash talking them on social media.) I’ve already trashed all of the equipment I needed for band shows, and deleted all of the sheet music.

It really sucks and kind of hurts that I’ve been friends with some of these people for so long, and now I’m blocking and deleting them(plus any family who might share their events.) But idk!

Just wondering what you all thought. I am in the right here, right?

 

[Redwolf]

It can make you look butt hurt but in some cases it's necessary for your own peace of mind. Do what you need to do and don't worry about it.

 

[samspade]

I mean I’ve already done it but…
I wanted to see what you guys think as well.

Yesterday I got fired from my side band job! I knew I should’ve quit before they fired me lol. The reason being that I’m also a full time programmer. And they’d rather work with someone who is also a full time musician. They said I can do one off shows here and there, but I’m like nah, f that.

I’ve already unliked and blocked their page, unfriended and blocked on all social media. I realize that you’re not supposed to burn bridges, but I don’t ever really want to talk to them again. If I see them while I’m out buying groceries I’ll speak, but that’s about it.

I would’ve blocked their personal cell phones too so they have zero means of contacting me, but I still have to meet them to pick up my last check, and I’m drafting a contract saying that I own rights to a lot of their original music. (I wrote a lot of it and played on every track on out two albums.) I need them to sign that, just in case one of their songs makes it really big. And so I don’t get screwed over, while they’re out here using my parts and promoting recordings that I am on. Then I’ll block their phone numbers too.

I’ve been good friends with some of them for nearly 7 years. Is it childish to block them and instantly end the friendship over this? (My definition of childish is more like leaving negative reviews, and trash talking them on social media.) I’ve already trashed all of the equipment I needed for band shows, and deleted all of the sheet music.

It really sucks and kind of hurts that I’ve been friends with some of these people for so long, and now I’m blocking and deleting them(plus any family who might share their events.) But idk!

Just wondering what you all thought. I am in the right here, right?

Why did you trash the equipment? And won't you need the sheet music to back up your authorship claims?

 

[DonJuanjr]

I mean I’ve already done it but…
I wanted to see what you guys think as well.

Yesterday I got fired from my side band job! I knew I should’ve quit before they fired me lol. The reason being that I’m also a full time programmer. And they’d rather work with someone who is also a full time musician. They said I can do one off shows here and there, but I’m like nah, f that.

I’ve already unliked and blocked their page, unfriended and blocked on all social media. I realize that you’re not supposed to burn bridges, but I don’t ever really want to talk to them again. If I see them while I’m out buying groceries I’ll speak, but that’s about it.

I would’ve blocked their personal cell phones too so they have zero means of contacting me, but I still have to meet them to pick up my last check, and I’m drafting a contract saying that I own rights to a lot of their original music. (I wrote a lot of it and played on every track on out two albums.) I need them to sign that, just in case one of their songs makes it really big. And so I don’t get screwed over, while they’re out here using my parts and promoting recordings that I am on. Then I’ll block their phone numbers too.

I’ve been good friends with some of them for nearly 7 years. Is it childish to block them and instantly end the friendship over this? (My definition of childish is more like leaving negative reviews, and trash talking them on social media.) I’ve already trashed all of the equipment I needed for band shows, and deleted all of the sheet music.

It really sucks and kind of hurts that I’ve been friends with some of these people for so long, and now I’m blocking and deleting them(plus any family who might share their events.) But idk!

Just wondering what you all thought. I am in the right here, right?

While I agree with your decision to fight for the music rights, you have to understand, you're not in the same place as them. You are making your programming a priority, they need a band mate who makes the band a priority. How do you know that wasn't a hard decision for them to make? They could still value you as a friend, but need that dedication to the band in a member.

 

[jimwho]

Make a list of the tunes you were a part of and have them sign it. Cash the check. Everything else just seems kinda cheesy. Don't get mad, get even. Use this as motivation to go out get successful and flourish.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It can make you look butt hurt but in some cases it's necessary for your own peace of mind. Do what you need to do and don't worry about it.

In this case, I’m thinking it is. I don’t necessarily need to block their phone numbers? But I need to block them on Instagram and Facebook for sure. Otherwise I’m gonna be like “I wonder what my old band is doing?” And continue to get all of those updates in my timeline.

 

[Çharismo]

I mean I’ve already done it but…
I wanted to see what you guys think as well.

Yesterday I got fired from my side band job! I knew I should’ve quit before they fired me lol. The reason being that I’m also a full time programmer. And they’d rather work with someone who is also a full time musician. They said I can do one off shows here and there, but I’m like nah, f that.

I’ve already unliked and blocked their page, unfriended and blocked on all social media. I realize that you’re not supposed to burn bridges, but I don’t ever really want to talk to them again. If I see them while I’m out buying groceries I’ll speak, but that’s about it.

I would’ve blocked their personal cell phones too so they have zero means of contacting me, but I still have to meet them to pick up my last check, and I’m drafting a contract saying that I own rights to a lot of their original music. (I wrote a lot of it and played on every track on out two albums.) I need them to sign that, just in case one of their songs makes it really big. And so I don’t get screwed over, while they’re out here using my parts and promoting recordings that I am on. Then I’ll block their phone numbers too.

I’ve been good friends with some of them for nearly 7 years. Is it childish to block them and instantly end the friendship over this? (My definition of childish is more like leaving negative reviews, and trash talking them on social media.) I’ve already trashed all of the equipment I needed for band shows, and deleted all of the sheet music.

It really sucks and kind of hurts that I’ve been friends with some of these people for so long, and now I’m blocking and deleting them(plus any family who might share their events.) But idk!

Just wondering what you all thought. I am in the right here, right?

Did you do the right thing you ask?

No you didn’t.

You need to understand that no matter what type of a relationship you have with someone…always do your best to leave on good terms no matter what. Whether that’s family members, friends, women, business partners, or in your case band members. (Of course there are exceptions but the point remains). The decision obviously hurt but you blocking them on all social media, unfriending them, and eventually blocking all their numbers is not a good move. They also weren’t completely kicking you out and offered you a couple of shows so you could still be a part of the group but according to you “f that” …so in actuality you kicked yourself out. You always want to keep doors open in situations like this because you never know if or when an opportunity will present itself in the future.

As for your contract…you should’ve gotten that signed when you joined the band so don’t be surprised if no one agrees to signing it. You basically want to and only will get paid IF they make it big except for that you don’t care. What makes you think they might even use your material after this? I could be wrong about that but if I were you I would try to at least stay cordial with them after this.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I do this all the time and don't care. It's immature in a sense that you're taking something ridiculous (social media) so seriously, that's all.

I have no issue letting someone know or finding out that I don't want them in my life anymore. But I do it with finality. If you go back and forth, that's when it becomes stupid.

So block, find your peace, and move on.


*Edit*

I was over here thinking you were talking about a woman.

I have to be honest and say I skipped most of what you said, then re-read it. If these are your boys, like true friends, then yeah, blocking them is lame behavior and only builds up ammunition for them to clown on you.

IDK what was said between both parties, but it seems like you made a rational decision to continue pursuing programming, and they wanted to continue pursuing music. That's life. You can't have it all. So I don't understand why that warrants a block and full-blown ignore of these guys.

Well, there wasn’t any yelling or anything like that. I just ended up getting fired over the phone lol. To make a long story short.

I don’t really want to support them or see any of their stuff on my social media timeline anymore. That’s why I left all the group chats and unfriended or blocked a bunch of people so I don’t get those notifications.

I don’t really see any other way to do it. On one level, it makes me sad though considering we’ve known each other and worked together for so long.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Why did you trash the equipment? And won't you need the sheet music to back up your authorship claims?

I don’t really plan on doing any shows with them in the future, so I went ahead and trashed my electrical equipment. Only $40 worth of stuff honestly. The rest of the equipment belongs to them. And mine was pretty heavily used so it’s not like I’m taking an L financially.

And as for rights, I’m just interested in songwriting and performance rights, for the recordings really. I’m already listed in BMI so there’s proof I helped write those. I’ll have them sign a contract eventually as well. Those sheet music things are really just to help me during live performances so I don’t have to memorize every last thing.

I don’t really have any use for those parts any more, so I deleted and scrubbed them.

 

[nicksaiz65]

While I agree with your decision to fight for the music rights, you have to understand, you're not in the same place as them. You are making your programming a priority, they need a band mate who makes the band a priority. How do you know that wasn't a hard decision for them to make? They could still value you as a friend, but need that dedication to the band in a member.

Yeah, I need to make sure I have these rights under control before I pack my metaphorical sh*t and leave. I don’t want to be watching a movie 7 years later, hear a song that I played on, and be like “Is that me?!?!”

That kind of stuff does happen.

I truly do think that it was a bit difficult for them to do, based on the vocal tonality in the call.

Yeah, they probably do value my friendship. When I was calling and asking for the rights, they explicitly said “It seems like tensions are really high right now, but you know we bear no animosity towards you, right? We respect you!”

But I’d say at this point I’ve basically burned that bridge or come very close to it

 

[DonJuanjr]

But I’d say at this point I’ve basically burned that bridge or come very close to it

It's easier to say you handled it like a jacka$$ while it's still fresh. I'm sure there's plenty of us on here, who've lost friendships for being bullheaded only for it to become harder to reconcile later on.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I mean I’ve already done it but…
I wanted to see what you guys think as well.

Yesterday I got fired from my side band job! I knew I should’ve quit before they fired me lol. The reason being that I’m also a full time programmer. And they’d rather work with someone who is also a full time musician. They said I can do one off shows here and there, but I’m like nah, f that.

I’ve already unliked and blocked their page, unfriended and blocked on all social media. I realize that you’re not supposed to burn bridges, but I don’t ever really want to talk to them again. If I see them while I’m out buying groceries I’ll speak, but that’s about it.

I would’ve blocked their personal cell phones too so they have zero means of contacting me, but I still have to meet them to pick up my last check, and I’m drafting a contract saying that I own rights to a lot of their original music. (I wrote a lot of it and played on every track on out two albums.) I need them to sign that, just in case one of their songs makes it really big. And so I don’t get screwed over, while they’re out here using my parts and promoting recordings that I am on. Then I’ll block their phone numbers too.

I’ve been good friends with some of them for nearly 7 years. Is it childish to block them and instantly end the friendship over this? (My definition of childish is more like leaving negative reviews, and trash talking them on social media.) I’ve already trashed all of the equipment I needed for band shows, and deleted all of the sheet music.

It really sucks and kind of hurts that I’ve been friends with some of these people for so long, and now I’m blocking and deleting them(plus any family who might share their events.) But idk!

Just wondering what you all thought. I am in the right here, right?

Get your pay and paperwork. Cut ties. Keep moving. You got bigger plans. See them in the funny papers.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Be sure to get your music copyrighted.

Throughout my life, I've burned many bridges. Some have embarrassingly come back to haunt me. In music circles (at least during my day) the drummer was usually the only one that could usually get away with almost anything. If you start a new group (and fences aren't mended) the last thing you want is to end up on the same bill with them (well, unless they are the opening act, of course) .

 

[nicksaiz65]

Did you do the right thing you ask?

No you didn’t.

You need to understand that no matter what type of a relationship you have with someone…always do your best to leave on good terms no matter what. Whether that’s family members, friends, women, business partners, or in your case band members. (Of course there are exceptions but the point remains). The decision obviously hurt but you blocking them on all social media, unfriending them, and eventually blocking all their numbers is not a good move. They also weren’t completely kicking you out and offered you a couple of shows so you could still be a part of the group but according to you “f that” …so in actuality you kicked yourself out. You always want to keep doors open in situations like this because you never know if or when an opportunity will present itself in the future.

As for your contract…you should’ve gotten that signed when you joined the band so don’t be surprised if no one agrees to signing it. You basically want to and only will get paid IF they make it big except for that you don’t care. What makes you think they might even use your material after this? I could be wrong about that but if I were you I would try to at least stay cordial with them after this.

Yeah, that’s why this whole situation is a bit confusing and I’m not sure what move I should make next.

I understand that it’s not good to burn bridges like that, and end on bad terms. This situation seems so nuanced though…

Let’s start with the contract. I’m not having them sign it to be a d*ck, I’m doing that to protect myself. That would be pretty bad if years down the line, I hear one of our old songs made it big and I have no rights to it at all.

Luckily, I’m already listed on the BMI. So the legal rights are already there pretty much. I just want to get it in writing too, so that I can’t end up getting screwed in the future.

As for the social media… it’s kind of a sticky situation. It doesn’t make me happy to block all of them, no. But I refuse to see any of their band updates on FB or Instagram anymore. That is just going to make me mad, sad, upset, or some combination of the three lol. And it needs to be a full on block, not just an unfriend. Otherwise I’ll be tempted to peek on their pages and see what’s going on with my old band. I can’t let myself keep doing that.

Now the other thing is, being offered a show here or there. Tbh, I don’t even want it. All that’s going to do is make me upset lol. Because then I’d probably be like “Man, I miss playing shows!” And that would make things even worse. That’s why I say “f that.” Seems like one of those fates worse than death, ya know? Imo it’s better to just call it here, say we had a good run, and end it.

But on the other hand, it truly pains me to block, unfriend, and cut out of my life people that I’ve known and have been friends with for years and years. So idk, man. This whole situation is a huge mess and I’m not exactly sure how to handle it.

 

[nicksaiz65]

It's easier to say you handled it like a jacka$$ while it's still fresh. I'm sure there's plenty of us on here, who've lost friendships for being bullheaded only for it to become harder to reconcile later on.

Yeah… the tricky part is I don’t want to unblock them on FB or Insta. Not to be a d*ck, but just because I don’t want to see their band updates anymore. That’s going to make me upset.

So it’s kind of tricky to determine what to do.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Get your pay and paperwork. Cut ties. Keep moving. You got bigger plans. See them in the funny papers.

I have thought about it, man. Man it just pains me to cut people out of my life who I’ve known for years. So I’m still thinking on it.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Be sure to get your music copyrighted.

Throughout my life, I've burned many bridges. Some have embarrassingly come back to haunt me. In music circles (at least during my day) the drummer was usually the only one that could usually get away with almost anything. If you start a new group (and fences aren't mended) the last thing you want is to end up on the same bill with them (well, unless they are the opening act, of course) .

I’m absolutely going to get my copyright, in writing as well. Not to be a d*ck, but to protect myself.

Yeah, I doubt I’d start a new group tbh. But, I totally understand where you are coming from. That must suck to meet up again with people who you burned a bridge with lol.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Get your pay and paperwork. Cut ties. Keep moving. You got bigger plans. See them in the funny papers.

But yes, you’re right my friend! Bigger and better plans!

 

[nicksaiz65]

Did you do the right thing you ask?

No you didn’t.

You need to understand that no matter what type of a relationship you have with someone…always do your best to leave on good terms no matter what. Whether that’s family members, friends, women, business partners, or in your case band members. (Of course there are exceptions but the point remains). The decision obviously hurt but you blocking them on all social media, unfriending them, and eventually blocking all their numbers is not a good move. They also weren’t completely kicking you out and offered you a couple of shows so you could still be a part of the group but according to you “f that” …so in actuality you kicked yourself out. You always want to keep doors open in situations like this because you never know if or when an opportunity will present itself in the future.

As for your contract…you should’ve gotten that signed when you joined the band so don’t be surprised if no one agrees to signing it. You basically want to and only will get paid IF they make it big except for that you don’t care. What makes you think they might even use your material after this? I could be wrong about that but if I were you I would try to at least stay cordial with them after this.

I also realized… it’s possible to explain a lot of this in a very respectful way to them so I’m not burning a bridge.

I can explain why I have them unfollowed and blocked on FB and Insta. Not be be a jerk, but because if I’m following them that means I’ll get updates. Which I don’t really want to get any more.

I’m having them sign the contract to protect myself, not to be petty or a jerk.

And then say that I’m good on future one off shows. Let’s just say we had a good run, and call it! (So that I don’t do one offs and end up like: damn I miss doing shows!

And then say I’m not saying we’ll never talk again, my phone is open if you need me!

Of course, due to these circumstances, we probably won’t really talk much anymore. But that would get my points across without seeming immature, or butthurt.

Then wish them the best, and walk out the door.

And then I have to move on with my life! I’ll always play music, even if it’s just 15 mins of scales a day.

That’s the best compromise I can think of. Probably the best way to handle this.

 

[Bingo-Player]

In a situation like this i would probably unfollow as i would no longer be interested in seeing anything they are doing

Not sure i would go as far as blocking for something like the OP but yea it is what it is