is hitting on girl a sign of "desperation?"

[aforabi]

today, as i was walking in the street, i saw a girl in her own world - walking slowly and checking out her text message on her phone - and i said, "hi, looks you're having fun..."

to which she said, "well, just sending text message to my friend..."

after a while, i asked her, "hey, i was going to play pool, would you like to join?"

she says, "na, i am busy tonite!"

and then, i ask ... "okay, then, give me your number!"

and then she becomes dissappointed and says, "well, so many guys come and ask for my number ... why do all guys have to flirt a girl?"

to which i replied, "well, if a guy wants to see you again, how is he supposed to do that?"

to which she said, "na, please no thankyou..." something like that ... obviously not interested girl ... and i just left her and approached other chicks ...

my question: is hitting on girl "bad?" a sign of desperation? if i see a girl i like, should not i supposed to walk up to her and talk to her and then ask for her number? is that flirting (taken in negative sense by some inexperienced chicks) ... am i being DESPERATE by approaching tons of girls and trying to set up a date ... because as a "true DON JUAN/ or PRINCE charming, I am supposed to be busy with many many women?"

thanks

 

[LiveYourDream]

A desperate man is a turn off to a woman, unless she is more desperate than he.

 

[LiveYourDream]

An approach is an extension of how the man feels, not just the words he speaks. If he feels desperate, then his approach will come across as desperate to her. If he feels fun and playful, then his approach will come across as fun and playful. A man's state when approaching a woman, is as important, if not more important, than the words he chooses.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She politely tried to tell you no several times, but you kept pushing. That is the desperate part, not that you tried in the first place.

 

[Tenacity]

and then she becomes dissappointed and says, "well, so many guys come and ask for my number ... why do all guys have to flirt a girl?"

my question: is hitting on girl "bad?" a sign of desperation?

To me it is, I'm sorry but COLD APPROACHES to me are just an invasion of privacy. A chick is out, trying to do whatever she's trying to do, get to wherever she's trying to go...and here comes "Tenacity" hitting on her trying to get those "digits".

I just think "sarging" should be done in places where it makes sense. I do my sarging within social circles, OLD and social media. Those are going to be the best places to do pick-ups today. Cold approaching (in my opinion) is an invasion of privacy, it's creepy, and at the end of the day you have no idea if her "boyfriend" might be there which could cause all sorts of issues.

 

[pyros]

it is 'desperate' to the eyes of a woman that doesn't find you attractive but it is also the way how you do it.
BUT, even if she found you attractive, just approaching her out of nowhere in the middle of the street will make you look like a creep for the majority of women.

Women don't have the need to have sex every day, and even if they had it, it is very easy for them to get it, so they don't understand why guys behave the way they behave.
You cannot make any woman understand this is not weird because women are the ones who select, so they live their lifes selecting and rejecting guys all the time.

If you had women (some from online, your neighbour from one floor above, your sister's friends, guys in clubs, the cashier, some random guys...etc.) approaching you every week since you're 15 you would think the same way (gosh, these women are so desperate!)

 

[Who Dares Win]

I passed on cold approaches in the conventional way outside places where cold approaches are supposed to be done, I have no problem to stare a girl in the eyes grab her hand and ask her to join me in a club but for no reason I would approach a girl in the streets or the public transport.

The best thing is just read body language, if positive have some small talk and only once you pass the eye contact check, the open answer question check and proximity check and only then try to make it more personal.

Asking her what she likes to do is a good indicator, if she says "nothing much with a bored tone" it means nothing much with you, if she tells says running in the forest with an enthusiastic tone its a good idea to tell her you like it too and would like to join her.

You understand what I mean, I know as men we would like to go straight to the point with no reading between the lines or dances but awfully it doesnt work with women.

 

[aforabi]

Too pushy but no its not desperate, she just didn't find you attractive. Could be purely physical or just bad rapport.

Thanks for your response

You are dead on right. Because I approach girls all the time and her response was not the most common response I got from most of them all ... because a lot of girls tell you "Well, I have a BF" or "I am not interested" or "I am fine alone!" etc, and I would accept that as a rejection and walked away ...

 

[aforabi]

An approach is an extension of how the man feels, not just the words he speaks. If he feels desperate, then his approach will come across as desperate to her. If he feels fun and playful, then his approach will come across as fun and playful.

You are right as well ... my approach was a little bit serious and not fun ... I was holding on to some outcome (getting instant date or digits) so I was not having fun with the interaction ... I did mention about her "cute" nose, to which she said, she had recently done a "surgery" and a lot of people comment on it ... and I said, "You look like a Barbie for sure!" to which she laughed and said, "It's tough to be one..." something like that ...

Yes, I need to forget about the outcome and just be playful and fun and enjoy the moment because you never know what is going to happen with this thing - i either end up with a digit or i will blow it up - but the most important thing would be the moment shared between us in that 3-10 minutes of interaction ...

 

[aforabi]

She politely tried to tell you no several times, but you kept pushing. That is the desperate part, not that you tried in the first place.

Yeah, I have been working on that part ... thanks for your feedback

 

[aforabi]

To me it is, I'm sorry but COLD APPROACHES to me are just an invasion of privacy.

Well, a lot of girls enjoy guys coming up to them and talking to them no matter where they are ... if you know how to do it in a way ... for example, I often use the situational opener, like "Hey, nice overcoat! Makes you look tall and professional!" smiling at her and looking her in the eyes and they smile back and like to talk ... you see ... so if done properly, COLD APPROACHES can be fun, natural, and enjoyable ... I personally do not like to go in the bar and fight with all those guys to get one chicks' attention ... I just pick them in natural situations - they going to a laundry shops or sitting in a queue - and I only ask for their number if I am INTERESTED ... if not, i simply say, "Oh, looks like nothing is going to happen between us... "

 

[aforabi]

it is 'desperate' to the eyes of a woman that doesn't find you attractive but it is also the way how you do it.

Yes, that is important ... I use a situational opener like, "It's a beautiful day!" or "Enjoying shopping?" ... or something like that ... in small phrases ... and I do it within 3 seconds of spotting a girl ... and it comes across as a natural thing to say to them because as human beings we like to communicate and interact ... even with a stranger for a while ... and then ... just play along ... no matter the result ...

BUT, even if she found you attractive, just approaching her out of nowhere in the middle of the street will make you look like a creep for the majority of women.

But I also realize that a lot of women like to experience (secretly) that "MOVIE LIKE moment" where a PRINCE CHARMING comes out of nowhere and engages her in some small talks and SWEEPS HER OFF THE FLOOR ...

Street is just one part of the venue where we can pick up girls ... I personally hate the clubs and loud bars because of several reasons: loud music, smoke, too much light can't see her properly, too much effects, etc ... and then tons of other guys to compete with ...

In the streets, they are alone, enjoying their surroundings, and I can also see them walking, their figure, how they move, with their surroundings ... and then ... yes, we need to be careful how to do the approach in the streets as I cannot walk up to her and say, "Hey, I would like to fluant my biceps, can you show me a place to do that?" ... In the streets, I usually talk about safe topics such as the weather, the sunny day, the people around, all those items placed in the store front, loud music that is coming out of a bar somewhere around the corner, or her style ... so much I can compliment on and still do it right ... I make it natural and fun and light (and yes, sometimes we get desperate for the digits and the instant dates) ... and only if the girl wins my attention, I ask for the number ...

 

[MatureDJ]

To me it is, I'm sorry but COLD APPROACHES to me are just an invasion of privacy. A chick is out, trying to do whatever she's trying to do, get to wherever she's trying to go...and here comes "Tenacity" hitting on her trying to get those "digits".

I just think "sarging" should be done in places where it makes sense. I do my sarging within social circles, OLD and social media. Those are going to be the best places to do pick-ups today. Cold approaching (in my opinion) is an invasion of privacy, it's creepy, and at the end of the day you have no idea if her "boyfriend" might be there which could cause all sorts of issues.

I agree with Tenacity here, although I think that any situation in which the target is spending her "free time" would suffice for being able to do a pickup, so the art gallery or bookstore pickup is OK, but not so much the grocery store. I suppose that since so many women say that "shopping" is one of their hobbies, a pickup at the mall would be OK too, LOL. A while ago, right after I had filed for bankruptcy, I was at the local welfare office applying for SNAP, and I considered trying a pickup on another applicant there, but decided against it for this reason (as well as coming to the realization that no matter how fine that woman looked, it couldn't possibly be worth getting involved.)

 

[Yewki]

There's a difference between hitting on a girl, and having fun with a girl. It can be very subtle, but what you were doing was definitely hitting on her.

Nothing wrong with that, other than it can be tiresome for the girl especially if it's a cold approach.

Next time, if she's not reciprocating... don't go for the number. Instead just focus on having an interesting conversation until she either does show interest or you get bored.

 

[evan12]

cold approaches have two ways , either be funny or be very confident and serious.
but you are over reacting to what that girl did for you , men who do cold approach has to have nerves of steel

 

[Huffman]

Just finetune your approach... approaching is not desperate per definition.

If you enjoy Cold approaching, keep at it.

 

[nismo-4]

She thought you or your approach was ugly. Move on. I guarantee she would have done things different if you were a celeb.

 

[aforabi]

She thought you or your approach was ugly. Move on. I guarantee she would have done things different if you were a celeb.

You are absolutely right pal ... I think I put her on a pedestal ... talking about her newly done nose ... saying, "Oh, you look cute!" ... should have wait that until she showed me some respect ... it takes balls to approach girls and they do not even appreciate that fact ... retarded!!!

I met another chick after 5 minutes, and she was sooooooo receptive to my advances ... I am going on a date this week

 

[SuckItUp]

The issue as many have mentioned isn't that hitting on a girl is desperate, but that continuing to do after she's closed up shop isn't a good look.

The key thing to note is that women actually start off all interaction subconsciously with body language and they will give you signs that they want you to approach.

 

[esev8]

Nice comments here! I dont mind cold approaching given the right circumstances but in my case i have to really feel the move is right and i´m in the right mindset otherwise i handle rejection badly.
I think looks matter so much when cold approaching she really has to like you that´s just what i think, <i havent cold approached a girl for some time now I think i should go for it.