Is he joking? Serious? Or is it just innocent flirtation?

[Ayanara]

Hey guys,

FYI, I'm a female. I accidentally posted this in the wrong forum. I hope that explains why so very few people were amenable to helping me.

I've been friends with "Greg" for over 10 years now. We've supported each other through some very trying times over the past two years, which included dealing with some difficult breakups for both of us. IMO, we've always given each other straight-forward, honest advice when it comes to dealing with our respective relationships (i.e., no ulterior motives). We compliment each other often, and know that one another are a "great catch" for the right/lucky person.

I do believe we're both attracted to each other. Recently, we've began some pretty serious flirting, complete with sexual innuendo. Thing is, he's usually a bit tipsy when this flirtation takes place, and most of it is via text or email, so I'm finding it darn near impossible to tell if he's serious - if he'd really, truly be interested in "something," and what exactly that "something" would be has me even more confused. I've tried to be more blatant and obvious, to which he usually goes quiet or comes back with some coy response.

Help? Any other info you need?

 

[Phyzzle]

Well, it's still the wrong forum, because this whole place is generally for men. So there.

But anyways, it's just innocent flirtation. He backs off when you get obvious? Definitely innocent flirtation.

Do not build up fantasy relationships in your head with people who do only some mild flirting.

 

[romangod]

Thing is, he's usually a bit tipsy when this flirtation takes place, and most of it is via text or email, so I'm finding it darn near impossible to tell if he's serious - if he'd really, truly be interested in "something," and what exactly that "something" would be has me even more confused.
Help? Any other info you need?

Alcohol is the best truth serum available. However, if he's flirting with you every day then I would seriously question whether he has a drinking problem. Instead of wondering and being confused about "something" it probably would serve you well to ask him straight out. Life's too short for wonder and confusion.

Cheers!

 

[decades]

tell him point blank that you are interested in sleeping with him. If he accepts, then I think you guys may have something beyond friendship. Though, 10 years is a long time to keep it zipped around a woman you are attracted to.

 

[dopexile]

It's easy for people to say things over email\text. Sig freud invented a lot of psychology concepts, he had people lay back in a chair because it was easier to say things without looking at someone. Church confessionals work the same way.

He's a wuss.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

I can't imagine flirting with a girl I had no interest in. The last thing I would ever want to do is lead someone on only to have her reciprocate, leaving me in an awkward situation.

He's interested in you but doesn't have the guts to tell you. He's the type of guy that needs to come to a discussion forum like this so that he can become a Man. Trust me, you don't want a relationship with this type of guy, it will only disgust you in the end.

 

[backbreaker]

FYI, I'm a female

are you hot?

I've been friends with "Greg" for over 10 years now

he probably goes to bed at night masterbating to you.

seriously

IMO, we've always given each other straight-forward, honest advice when it comes to dealing with our respective relationships (i.e., no ulterior motives). We compliment each other often, and know that one another are a "great catch" for the right/lucky person.

Oscar Wilde once said “Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship".. he was a pretty smart guy.


That entire premise doesn't make sense. If you thought he was a great catch you'd be on him like white on rice. When was the last time you went fishing, caught a 20 pound bass and threw it back because "I'm sure this will be a great catch for someone else?". you either are a good catch or you aren't, and if he was a good catch, he'd be your catch.

IMHO,t here is something that makes you keep him around. While not datable, he is not deplorable either. he has qualities that make him useful, namley his undenying cause to try to prove his worth to you via friendship. whcih in turn is exactly why you dont' see him as a great catch.

I do believe we're both attracted to each other. Recently, we've began some pretty serious flirting, complete with sexual innuendo.

would I be right by assuming you are in your mid thirties?


Okay. from a man's point of view, and just "dont' date for the sake fo someone being there" plate, if you have to cox a man to ask you out, or you have to guess if he is attracted to you, he's not worth it. A man's job is to ask a woman out. Therefore if a man doesn't do his job, rather it be becuase of shyness or he doesn't like you, just move on.

Once I accecpted that it was on me to make my intentions known, whole knew worlds of women opended up. I wasn't attracted to the same women I was becuase I I didn't settle for the woman making it ovbious she was attracted to me, she was only doing so because of lack of optoions. a woman with options doesn't have to be outspoken about her feelings.
gotta run

 

[Ayanara]

are you hot?

I'm a solid 8, sometimes a 9.

That entire premise doesn't make sense. If you thought he was a great catch you'd be on him like white on rice. When was the last time you went fishing, caught a 20 pound bass and threw it back because "I'm sure this will be a great catch for someone else?". you either are a good catch or you aren't, and if he was a good catch, he'd be your catch.

IMHO,t here is something that makes you keep him around. While not datable, he is not deplorable either. he has qualities that make him useful, namley his undenying cause to try to prove his worth to you via friendship. whcih in turn is exactly why you dont' see him as a great catch.

The timing has always been off. Either he's been in a LTR, or I was. For that reason, I couldn't ever "catch" him. However, at this moment, we're both available.

would I be right by assuming you are in your mid thirties?

No. 29.

a woman with options doesn't have to be outspoken about her feelings.

Interesting thought...

 

[Interceptor]

Whats difficult here is that youve both by passed the initial attraction/seduction phase, hence, why it will be awkward to realign yourselves as lovers. You just dont see each other in that light right now.

You're both in a FZ situation.

His flirtation is indicative of his attraction to you.
However, steering this into a romantic/sexual relationship may be difficult.

Youve become emotionally intimate wihout any sexual intimacy.

You may have a chance if you open yourself to becoming vulnerable. And allow him to 'court' you proper.
You have to redefine your 'roles'.

You have to allow each other to be seen in a new light.

Generally speaking, there is often the advice given of breaking contact for a while. Then 'rediscovering' each other.

You can then throw in comments about your attraction to him, and your availabilty. But they must be subtle.


Good luck.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

AYANARA, post your age on your profile (doesn't have to be public) and read the rules for tha Mature Men's board before posting or starting threads here.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127221

 

[Ayanara]

AYANARA, post your age on your profile (doesn't have to be public) and read the rules for tha Mature Men's board before posting or starting threads here.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127221

I'm confused? It is posted and has been since I joined, although privately.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Ayanara,
Well you guys rub along just fine,it is an unusual situation,very seldom does a man crawl his way out of the Friendship dustbin,but this is really very different..If you relate well sexually you seem to already have everything that constitutes a good relationship...Give it a whirl,but of course if it doesn't work then get ready to bale out...Good Luck...

 

[iqqi]

<the girl enters the thread...>

Hi there! I'm a girl. K, introductions aside...


The next time you guys have been drinking, do this.

When you are both tipsy, look at him and say "if you ________ I will make out with you." Say this deadpan, but then wink or raise an eyebrow like you COULD be joking when he looks at you in shock.

When he does what you said (and he most likely will I speak from experience), say "thank you", and then make out with him! Most likely he will do what you asked, then not even wait for you to make the move.

Voila!

Have fun. I know I do.

 

[mrRuckus]

Ever notice that every woman that comes here claims to be hot?

 

[godofanxiety]

Yeah, and ever notice that every man that comes here claims to have fvcked tons of girls? Some of them may speak the truth, actually, but who knows this the internet after all...

 

[backbreaker]

i would like to see the girl come and say "yeah i'm a tad bit overweight and my tit's are starting to sag..."

 

[Dr. Cherry]

Chris Rock said that when a woman puts you in the friend zone, for her it's like having a d!ck in a glass case. The sign on the case says, "In case of emergency, break glass."

 

[Tazman]

Ever notice that every woman that comes here claims to be hot?

lol, yeah. Hot chicks don't need to come here, they get plenty of attention elsewhere.

 

[Ayanara]

lol, yeah. Hot chicks don't need to come here, they get plenty of attention elsewhere.

I wasn't looking for ATTENTION, I was seeking ADVICE from men who proclaim themselves to be experts.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Backbreaker was right. Your friend is what we call an "AFC," the acronym for 'average frustrated chump.' His situation is common. He likes you, but does not know what to do about it. The only way to get him to have some nerve is to force the issue, but as a woman, is that really what you want? It's a catch-22, sure you might want him now, but by the time you have to take all that initiative, it will erode whatever attraction you have to him.