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Is cheating "OK" considering most relationships end anyways?

jnMissouri

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I've cheated on damn near every gf at one point or another. Felt a little guilty at the time, but the relationships ended anyways and in hindsight, I was like at least I didn't miss out. Now mind you it's not something where I went and slept with a different girl every week or anything while in a relationship. It's a bit harder to get away when tied down. On top of that, it's not something I pursued heavily.

Reason I ask is because I'm trying to be loyal now, but the temptation with a hot piece of a$$ available to me at the moment is there, ready to come over...

My thoughts:

1) All my relationships ended...in hindsight it didn't matter if I cheated and with all but one I was glad I didn't give up opportunities.
2) Regret cheating on that one long term gf...would have had loyal life partner...
3) One of my ex's from recent years, I am glad I cheated...but...it's also likely the reason she started looking after she saw the signs I was straying...(hiding my phone, acting sketchy, etc. She tracked my location and she'd call me if I was at a place like the place we went to our first date...she knew I was out with another girl...)
4) Always opportunity to get girls in future, so not like other opportunities won't present themselves.
5) All that said, I don't want to mess it up with this girl I'm with now. She's far hotter and better than any other chic I've been with...and she treats me well.
 
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SW15

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No, it is not ok. It is a violation of the terms of a monogamous relationship if you are operating within a monogamous framework.

You might need to consider other forms of relationships. Perhaps a different relationship model other than monogamy would be better for you.

 

Barrister

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I've cheated on damn near every gf at one point or another. Felt a little guilty at the time, but the relationships ended anyways and in hindsight, I was like at least I didn't miss out. Now mind you it's not something where I went and slept with a different girl every week or anything while in a relationship. It's a bit harder to get away when tied down. On top of that, it's not something I pursued heavily.

Reason I ask is because I'm trying to be loyal now, but the temptation with a hot piece of a$$ available to me at the moment is there, ready to come over...
Many higher quality women will automatically cross you off for a potential LTR if you have a known reputation for being a cheater. This is the kind of thing that can begin following you around and influencing future relationships with women and also your relationships with men to a lesser extent. Granted, you can probably still sleep with them casually, so if you don't care about an LTR it may not matter.

If you live in a major metropolitan area I can see it not being as big a deal as well. But if you are smaller metro or smaller than that I would say it isn't something to do. I would just end the relationship at that point.
 

SW15

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Many higher quality women will automatically cross you off for a potential LTR if you have a known reputation for being a cheater. This is the kind of thing that can begin following you around and influencing future relationships with women and also your relationships with men to a lesser extent. Granted, you can probably still sleep with them casually, so if you don't care about an LTR it may not matter.

If you live in a major metropolitan area I can see it not being as big a deal as well. But if you are smaller metro or smaller than that I would say it isn't something to do. I would just end the relationship at that point.
A man in a bigger city who arranges all his dates from swipe apps and approaching strangers is not likely to be impacted as a regular cheater. The dating pool is too big and too anonymous for his cheating to affect his future prospects.
 

jnMissouri

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A man in a bigger city who arranges all his dates from swipe apps and approaching strangers is not likely to be impacted as a regular cheater. The dating pool is too big and too anonymous for his cheating to affect his future prospects.

You might be surprised, I live in one of the biggest cities and it's surprisingly common to run into someone from the same circles even online. On top of that, when they meet your friends, family, etc. there's always that hater that might dime you out.

Here is my thought process, which I will also update my OP with:

1) All my relationships ended...in hindsight it didn't matter if I cheated and with all but one I was glad I didn't give up opportunities.
2) Regret cheating on that one long term gf...would have had loyal life partner...
3) One of my ex's from recent years, I am glad I cheated...but...it's also likely the reason she started looking after she saw the signs I was straying...(hiding my phone, acting sketchy, etc. She tracked my location and she'd call me if I was at a place like the place we went to our first date...she knew...)
4) Always opportunity to get girls in future, so not like other opportunities won't present themselves.
5) All that said, I don't want to mess it up with this girl. She's far hotter and better than any other chic I've been with...and she treats me well.
 

SW15

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5) All that said, I don't want to mess it up with this girl. She's far hotter and better than any other chic I've been with...and she treats me well.
I hope you don't get one-itis because this sounds like a little bit of one-itis.

You might be surprised, I live in one of the biggest cities and it's surprisingly common to run into someone from the same circles even online. On top of that, when they meet your friends, family, etc. there's always that hater that might dime you out.
I have lived in 2 of the biggest metro areas in the USA and my experience has been very different from yours.

Over many years in both those areas, nearly all of my online arranged dates (either in the website era or the swipe app era) were with people far outside my in-person social circle. After the interaction failed, no matter how long it was, I would typically never run into these women again in my daily life.

If I asked out a woman at my primary gym and the interaction failed, I had to see her again until she changed gyms. One way around this issue would be to use ClassPass to go to multiple gyms/class studios or have a secondary gym membership. Plenty of men and women have changed gyms due to a romantic interaction going bad at a primary gym. I never had to do that but I did have some unpleasant times at my gym due to it.
 

Alvafe

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A man in a bigger city who arranges all his dates from swipe apps and approaching strangers is not likely to be impacted as a regular cheater. The dating pool is too big and too anonymous for his cheating to affect his future prospects.
only there is facebook, and most dumbasses love to post they live there, thing is eventually your reputation will find you, you can't complain about it, if you want to play the game that much don't commit, not hard.

now if you don't think you word have any value, don't complain when people don't belive you
 

SW15

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I thought Facebook was a mostly irrelevant platform now, as only 50+ people seem to be its user base these days. My 30 something friends barely ever use it.
 

BeExcellent

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Listen. You are already rationalizing it. So in your own mind you have already greenlighted yourself. That is not good for your current relationship.

How would you like it if she was having this exact same thought process with some man who has come across her path (because men do cross paths with her and notice her I assure you)....Are you OK with her doing as you are doing?

No?

Then you are a total douche if you do it. Now. If you wish to rewrite the rules of your relationship and say, "Gee, I think I am feeling more like an open type relationship...." then know that A.) She might leave you if that is not satisfactory to her or B.) She gets to do as you do (meaning sample other men's junk).

If you are not cool with being transparent and honest and taking those risks? Then exert some self control and respect her and your relationship.

Men around here sometimes become of the mind that they mut be respected by their woman, but then fail to respect the woman they are with. A LTR and certainly a marriage (for me ANY dating interaction) require MUTUAL respect. So if you think a woman owes you respect as a man and you can not, do not, will not respect your woman? Well my friend you deserve what you get in that case. You deserve that she leave you, deserve that she cheat on you, deserve that she treat you just as you are treating her, with disloyalty, disrespect, and dishonor.

Hmmmmm. You don't like that idea? Then restrain yourself. That is called self control.

I get approached constantly. By men who are sometimes wealthier, more successful, more charming than my fiance. I love and respect my fiance however, and I turn the advances of other men away, no matter how tempting. I exert self control. I do not give other men a chance.

Are you saying a chick like me has more self control than a full grown man????? Why. How can that be? And don't tell me you are entitled to the side piece either. You are only entitled if your gf is aware and endorses this possibility. Otherwise you are deceiving, and that is the beginning of the end of the relationship you have with the hottest gf you've ever had.

Life is about the choices you make. Choices have consequences. Choose wisely.

Cheers.
 

jnMissouri

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Listen. You are already rationalizing it. So in your own mind you have already greenlighted yourself. That is not good for your current relationship.

How would you like it if she was having this exact same thought process with some man who has come across her path (because men do cross paths with her and notice her I assure you)....Are you OK with her doing as you are doing?

No?

Then you are a total douche if you do it. Now. If you wish to rewrite the rules of your relationship and say, "Gee, I think I am feeling more like an open type relationship...." then know that A.) She might leave you if that is not satisfactory to her or B.) She gets to do as you do (meaning sample other men's junk).

If you are not cool with being transparent and honest and taking those risks? Then exert some self control and respect her and your relationship.

Men around here sometimes become of the mind that they mut be respected by their woman, but then fail to respect the woman they are with. A LTR and certainly a marriage (for me ANY dating interaction) require MUTUAL respect. So if you think a woman owes you respect as a man and you can not, do not, will not respect your woman? Well my friend you deserve what you get in that case. You deserve that she leave you, deserve that she cheat on you, deserve that she treat you just as you are treating her, with disloyalty, disrespect, and dishonor.

Hmmmmm. You don't like that idea? Then restrain yourself. That is called self control.

I get approached constantly. By men who are sometimes wealthier, more successful, more charming than my fiance. I love and respect my fiance however, and I turn the advances of other men away, no matter how tempting. I exert self control. I do not give other men a chance.

Are you saying a chick like me has more self control than a full grown man????? Why. How can that be? And don't tell me you are entitled to the side piece either. You are only entitled if your gf is aware and endorses this possibility. Otherwise you are deceiving, and that is the beginning of the end of the relationship you have with the hottest gf you've ever had.

Life is about the choices you make. Choices have consequences. Choose wisely.

Cheers.

Hey there, always good to get your insight and perspective as a woman. No, I wouldn't want her to do it. But what I'm saying is, my relationships have always ended. In hindsight, for most of them I didn't regret doing it, because they ended anyways. For one or two, I did regret doing it. In one case, I lost a girl that would have been with me for life, we were together for nearly 10 years, no drama. The other one, when I started acting sketchy because I started to feel she didn't take the relationship seriously, she reciprocated and it ended BADLY.

So I guess I shouldn't do this and be a person of integrity moving forward. I just don't trust women based on my experiences. This one I currently trust largely because she has done A LOT to earn my trust, because she gets hit on A LOT and it's been an issue where to make me comfortable she has given me access to EVERYTHING so I know she is not doing anything. I still worry that she might slip though. So I'd feel like a fool of I was being loyal the entire time and she ended up slipping years from now.
 

BackInTheGame78

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You shouldn't be in an exclusive relationship and telling women you love them after 5 weeks. That's the crux of your problem.

Getting into relationships way too early leads you to want to still fvck other women because you don't know these women at all.
 

EyeBRollin

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Getting into relationships way too early leads you to want to still fvck other women because you don't know these women at all.
He’s going to want to fvck other women regardless.

If by “cheating” you mean occasionally banging another girl, that is perfectly normal behavior and all biological and historical evidence supports it. Kings have harem. Alphas have side chicks. Modern society discourages it mostly because we can look to the animal kingdom to see how brutal mating gets without socially enforced monogamy.

If by cheating you mean having multiple women you are provisioning for, the answer is no.
 

Alvafe

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I thought Facebook was a mostly irrelevant platform now, as only 50+ people seem to be its user base these days. My 30 something friends barely ever use it.
I say face book as social media, people love to share sh!t, not many are smart to not share they life there
 

corrector

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People dont know what a hard life is if they have the luxury of worrying about issues like this.
 

jnMissouri

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People dont know what a hard life is if they have the luxury of worrying about issues like this.
People make comments like this that don't answer the question in the OP, and make assumptions about where I came from hardship wise. Sorry that you have trouble getting even one girl, let alone multiple...now welcome to the ignore list...
 

jnMissouri

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Well, between you guys and my close friend, I've decided to pass on this girl. BeExcellent is what largely convinced me. No, I wouldn't like it if she did this to me. I just worry about the possibility because she is young and veeery attractive and get's hit on a lot. To ease my concerns, she has given me access to everything so I can see that she is not doing anything or talking to other guys.
 

corrector

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People make comments like this that don't answer the question in the OP, and make assumptions about where I came from hardship wise. Sorry that you have trouble getting even one girl, let alone multiple...now welcome to the ignore list...
Good riddance.
 

BeExcellent

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Hey there, always good to get your insight and perspective as a woman. No, I wouldn't want her to do it. But what I'm saying is, my relationships have always ended. In hindsight, for most of them I didn't regret doing it, because they ended anyways. For one or two, I did regret doing it. In one case, I lost a girl that would have been with me for life, we were together for nearly 10 years, no drama. The other one, when I started acting sketchy because I started to feel she didn't take the relationship seriously, she reciprocated and it ended BADLY.

So I guess I shouldn't do this and be a person of integrity moving forward. I just don't trust women based on my experiences. This one I currently trust largely because she has done A LOT to earn my trust, because she gets hit on A LOT and it's been an issue where to make me comfortable she has given me access to EVERYTHING so I know she is not doing anything. I still worry that she might slip though. So I'd feel like a fool of I was being loyal the entire time and she ended up slipping years from now.
Appreciate your kind words. The thing here is that your trust issues regarding "Women" at large are YOUR issues. That is the baggage (yes the infamous baggage) that YOU are bringing into this interaction. The worries that you have are in your mind, your psyche, and have absolutely nothing to do with her.

Understand something. She has chosen you. She is continuing to choose you as she denies the interest other men express in her. Welcome to dating a truly desirable specimen of a woman. Now. Here's the thing. You REWARD her loyalty. When you reward loyalty guess what? You get stronger loyalty. So reward her. Be mindful of how insecure you risk appearing if you act like a jealous fool worried about what she is doing behind your back. I like that she has given you access to everything, I have done this for my fiance as well, but he really doesn't care and hasn't asked to go through my phone for example. If he asks I'll hand it over to him on the spot. And if someone reaches out I typically will let him know, and I do not delete things either. My most recent ex reached out over the weekend last weekend out of the blue. He was stating that he has taken a 2nd contract (we used to discuss business matters quite openly) and asked how we (fiance and I) are doing. I said we are doing great and that fiance is also looking for additional work to keep him busy....was it a check-in/touch base/barometer reading to see if I'm still engaged etc.? Probably. But i'm not going to be rude. So I responded in such a way as to leave no doubt that yes I'm still taken, and doing fine, Thank you very much. No further communication from that ex (no surprise), and I told my man about it immediately.

Of course that communication also lets my man know that yes, I'm still sought after, and yes I'm still parrying away interest frequently, and that of course helps him understand that I am actively choosing him, honoring him, respecting him even though I have other options that come actively looking for me.

This is important. I'm not with him out of lack or desperation but out of genuine desire, out of actively choosing him instead of someone else. It appears that your gf is doing for you too as far as I can tell.

All relationships do eventually end. Even the greatest of marriages eventually ends when somebody dies out of the partnership. You are not well served to go along in life with the fatalistic idea that "Gee this is going to end anyway, why not?" because the meaningfulness of life derives from the journey and those people close to us who journey alongside us.

What this relationship is doing is challenging you to rise to the occasion. This hot girl has chosen you and continues to choose you. Now you are struggling with the demons that this interaction has stirred up, the "Am I enough" type demons. Yes. You are enough, in fact you are more than enough. Embrace that and become fully that man. As you evolve you'll find your insecurities fade and your confidence will improve, and that will create a positive feedback loop that grows more and more attractive.

You will know what you do or do not do even if no one else knows. Hold yourself to high integrity and it will benefit you far and wide my friend, I promise you.
 
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