Is being SINGLE - a world of Hurting!

[Jean Valjean]

Hey brother DJs

After a long separation I'm newly single (divorced). Problem is that I'm in my 40's look 30 though. The club scene looks rough to me. Wondering what I got myself into. Previously had the undying loyalty of a steady partner.

Now it seems that girls I develop feelings for will let me know that they hit a club on the weekend - and if pressed also admit they danced and talked to some guy, (prob swapped #s) etc.

This hurts especially when you've develped feeings for a pretty woman even though not a "girl friend'. In my young stud days before I married I just cared about getting laid and not about relationships so I never got hurt. The one girl I married stayed with me all the years - never had to worry.

How do you play this when you're in your 40's I have read the DJ bible to know that I should just shrug it off and act like I don't care if a girl I'm dating tells me she hit a meet market club with some friends and danced with some guys.

If the girl is very pretty I feel very vulnerable like every joe is going to hit on them and I start getting jealous That some guy will be fccking them way before I do if I even do ...

Acting or getting possessive is the wrong thing to do for a DJ. right? How do you deal with the hurt of other guys moving on your turf when you are not around. If you like a particular girl is it worth asking her to be exclusive or are you shooting yourself in the heart when she dumps you and you have no backup chick.

 

[(JJ)]

You should just always have backups lined up whenever you're not in an exclusive relationship. if you don't, you start to get attached which, not only hurts your game, hurts your heart, as cheesy as it is.

however, once you and a girl have defined your continued interaction as an "exclusive relationship" this business should stop. she shouldnt be out dancing, you shouldnt be spinning plates. if she decides to go out dancing, then you're in the right to drop her. She IS your turf at that point, or enough so that you don't have to tolerate that kind of aw-ing around. find a girl who will respect you enough to not go out and try to get attention from any d1ck that swings into her peripheral vision.

having said that, it's really not your "turf" as early on in your interaction as you're acting like it is.

 

[everywomanshero]

I'm not sure what to say, you give a rat's ass about women you barely know anything about? Why? What makes her so special? Truth is you probably haven't known her long enough to know the terrible odor of her poo. I wouldn't be too worried about what she's doing while you're not around just yet. Be the guy she has to worry about when she's not around! What would that guy do? Have fun with your newly single life for a bit before you decide if you want to jump back on the relationship horse.

 

[Strat]

What's going on here is the good ol LTR mindfvck. Over time this needy clingy AFC person creeps in and takes over. Then you wake up and go, WTF when did this happen? It happened to me. Go read your method of choice. Read the DJ bible. Affirm. Get your frame back. Most importantly, get lots of new prospects/plates. Take your power/balls back from out of your ex's purse. Get a life and DO NOT be all needy /jealous /worried over the chicas going to the club and dancing. Half of that is just a game to see how you jump. To see if it bothers you. A sh*t-test. You can't fail the test if you refuse to buy into it.

 

[Warrior74]

Right now. you need to tell yourself that you will not date just one girl. YOU WILL NOT. That's how you stop from getting attached at this stage in the game. Later when you toughen up you can date one girl and still not give a crap. You have to get back in that young man mindset of pump and dump for a while. Go to the mature man forum and read anything by jophil28 he's 53 and has his game on lock by all accounts.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=168890

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169446

after you read his stuff, read what you wrote again. I think you will notice a big difference in mindstates.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

In my young stud days before I married I just cared about getting laid and not about relationships so I never got hurt. The one girl I married stayed with me all the years - never had to worry.

You have to get back there. Been where you are, it takes about a year. Get your finances in order, focus on work, focus on family, get your digs looking great, upgrade your car etc. etc. If you don't have these things in order women will pick up on this instantly.....that is probably what is happening here.

Some other tips: Get some guy friends, take up sports and hobbies. Try meetup.com - there are all kinds of social clubs you can join.

Personally, I'm not a bar guy. My theory is that bar guys that are over 40 and who get laid usually look like they started linebacker for the Packers at some point in the past. Bar women generally look great but it's like going up against big league pitching when (at this point) you are only ready for single A. If you are the bar type fine, keep at it, you will do well...however I've had much better success off the web, or just random hits in grocery stores, etc.

 

[iliketennis]

dont go for a relationship with girls who go clubbing