Is being a good listener a wanted quality all men should have?

[Pumax]

I'm a bit on the autism spectrum, so I'd love to ask if this has ever happened to you.

There are moments of "rest" or "break" during parties, or simply when other people walk away, for example, when you're sitting on the beach while everyone else goes for a swim. Sometimes it happens that a woman and I are left alone, and we end up chatting for two or three minutes, or sometimes even longer.

Women will often start telling me things about their lives, such as:
Things that are going on in their lives.
ow their friends do things they don't like.
How they're fed up with having to take care of the kids so often.
How their baby keeps them awake at night.
One woman told me how her brother in law had maintained a "secret life" for 20 years, and when it was finally discovered, he left his partner and officially got together with his secret partner.
Another woman told me about her crazy neighbor, who accused her of being unfaithful and cheating on her husband.
How their son is more interested in sleeping than studying.
How exhausted they are from studying.
Or really, just about anything.

Sometimes I also receive compliments like, "Wow, you're really calm," "You look so relaxed," or even, "Talking to you makes me feel calmer too."
In the past, there were a few occasions where a woman said something like that, and she even made the first move, and became more physically affectionate afterward, and eventually we had s3x. Because of those experiences, I sometimes automatically associate those comments with a sign that she's interested and wants me to make a move.

However, committed women do this as well. I'm not really interested in the outcome being s3x, I'm currently single anyway.
I'm more interested in understanding why they do this with me.
So I've often wondered: What is my role in this?


People sometimes say that women seek out "beta" men to talk to, but I don't really think that describes me.
I do listen, but I don't try to solve all their problems or become an emotional doormat. I'd say I'm still fairly assertive. Plus, I have my life on my own.
Also, what I described above isn't based on one or two conversations. It's something I've experienced with many different women, single, married, and everything in between. Probably around 30 women in total.
Most of them come from my large social circle, but it's also happened with women I met that very same day.

Also, some of these women, let's say 5, do really like to have conversations with me and often is the case we talk when we met.


In general, ever since I was younger, I've been someone people feel comfortable talking to. I genuinely listen to what they have to say. It seems like it's becoming harder these days to find someone who's genuinely interested in listening.

Given all of this, how often does this happen to you, and what do you think men should make of it?

 

[Rainman4707]

One of the greatest tools is to be able to listen. The best man with women was Casanova, his biggest strength was Social intelligence. One of the best subjects on that is ; How to win friends and influence people. One of the biggest takeaways from that book is to listen to people. Listening to people is a lot harder than you think.

 

[CornbreadFed]

This is a genuinely important life skill, and honestly my biggest gripe with the manosphere and mainstream PUA crowd is that they break men instead of building them. They take basic communication skills, stuff that actually works, and brand it "blue pill" or "beta" nonsense because it doesn't fit their script. So you end up with guys who've gutted the one toolkit that actually makes relationships function, and swapped it for some fake trope.

 

[Pumax]

One of the greatest tools is to be able to listen. The best man with women was Casanova, his biggest strength was Social intelligence. One of the best subjects on that is ; How to win friends and influence people. One of the biggest takeaways from that book is to listen to people. Listening to people is a lot harder than you think.

What I like the most, it's not about reading book, but actually get the theory, and going for real life examples.
So as you told here, if anyone could see casanova having a discussion with a woman, you would notice how we think/talk to them.
But other than that, it's all theory, we don't do much with that alone.

This is a genuinely important life skill

You know what? I think that too.
But in the scenario, I provided Real Life examples, so it's like having a field report.

In this scenario, I still think this quality is very important, but: which position do I get as a man?
The listener because that is attractive?
or
The listener because she has something to say because her BF/HB doesn't care about her?

 

[The Duke]

For sure being a good listener is a quality all men should have. You miss so much when you are busy talking.

I don't think its black and white like you have proposed. Typically its a multitude of reasons. You listed two of the possibilities and they could both be true at the same time. Another reason could be for validation/attention. Many women feel validated when they feel heard.

In the end, all of these things are attractive to women.

How does a woman begin cheating on her man? She starts talking to another guy and its usually innocent, but its because she feels like her husband/boyfriend doesn't care. At some point she becomes attracted because she values the attention/validation.