Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Is a compliment from a woman an IOI,or just an observation?

Igetit!

Moderator
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,736
Reaction score
665
Location
The United State of Texas
What's up guys,

Got a question about something that happens to me from time to time. The other day,I went through the drive-thru of a fast food resturant,and while I was at the window waiting for my food,the lady at the window told me that one of the other girls working there said that she thought that I was "cute".
It kind of threw me off guard because the last thing I had on my mind was women at that moment,I just wanted to get some food to take to work for lunch. Anyway,I responded with something dumb like,"Oh,she's going to make me blush",(I know,I know it was stupid). My thing is this:This kind of thing happens to me every now and then,and even though I've experienced it a lot,I have no idea how to respond to it. Whenever it comes to dating,I like to be the one in control. I want to be the one to approach the girl. This way,I never have to worry about getting in some situation with a girl with whom I'm not interested in. I mean like two months ago,the same thing happened again...but it was with a older woman. I walked into a KFC,and this older woman said something to one of the other girls there,and she came and told me. I got the feeling that they wanted me to ask the "old" woman out,but I wasn't interested in her. I wasn't attracted to her.

So my question is this:If a woman compliments you,is it an IOI? Or could she just be making an observation? If a guy (usually an AFC) tells a woman she's pretty,or tells her she's "hot",I think it's pretty clear that it's because he's interested in her. A guy wll want to date a woman,strictly based on her appearance alone,but woman want some sort of value in a guy,and they are attracted to a guy based on how she feels when she's around him. This is what is kind of confusing. When I was at the drive-thru,I wasn't demonstrating and kind of value (as far as I know),I was just sitting in my car waiting for my order. In fact,I never even saw the girl who actually gave the compliment. A woman approaching me with a compliment has always been a sore spot for me,whereas if I approach her,I already have sort of a plan/destination in mind. I generally think that IOIs from women are a response to a guy generating attraction in her first. Action,reaction.
We demonstrate value,they react with IOIs. We demonstrate afc qualities and tendencies,they react with rejection. But to have a women give compliments (possible IOIs) first? Kinda throws me for a loop fellas.

What do you guys think about this?
 

Walking Anomaly

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2003
Messages
277
Reaction score
0
hmm...thats a good question. Id say that the compliment was an IOI...i know chicks put looks as a second to personality, but there must be that initial attraction from looks when she sees you from across the club, or in your case, through the...drive...thru...window lol.

I can understand where youre coming from, as im like you where i like to be in control, but sometimes its not necessary to be, and let the lady lead a bit..ya kno, some role reversal hehe. Most women ARE shy, yes, but there are some out there who arent afraid to go after men who they think are cute, just as men do the same with women.

as for the comeback, coulda been worse but i dont think it was that bad lol...i would have said something along C+F/sarcastic position, like "hehe i think im cute too" or "hey hehe stop trying to pick me up! im not just a piece of eye candy here for your pleasure lol" (careful, gotta say these the right way or it comes off as smug/arrogant) or even a simple "thanks."

hope ive been informative. btw ive got a question for you from my thread...wat about mutual friends? off limits?
im hittin the dating scene again, got one tomorrow wit this little indian chick - one tiny gripe i have is that shes so tiny i feel like a pedophile even tho shes my age lol. How can i let it slip thru the grapevine so a certain chick will find out im datin again? ;) ...
 

Jitterbug

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
3,249
Reaction score
140
Let me guess... you're a geek who used to be a nice guy with no game and have been reading some PUA materials and become enlightened? You guys all suffer from overanalysis. Too much of "WTF does this mean?" and not enough actions.

She gave you a compliment. That's good. Do you find her attractive? If yes, the compliment is an ice-breaker. Use it to escalate. If not, say "thank you" with a smile.

Why worry about what they really mean by giving you a compliment? Who cares?!!!

Btw get that PUA "DHV", "DLV" sh!t out of your head!
 

DonJuan11

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
1,682
Reaction score
34
Igetit! said:
W

Got a question about something that happens to me from time to time. The other day,I went through the drive-thru of a fast food resturant,and while I was at the window waiting for my food,the lady at the window told me that one of the other girls working there said that she thought that I was "cute".
It kind of threw me off guard because the last thing I had on my mind was women at that moment,I just wanted to get some food to take to work for lunch. Anyway,I responded with something dumb like,"Oh,she's going to make me blush",(I know,I know it was stupid). My thing is this:This kind of thing happens to me every now and then,and even though I've experienced it a lot,I have no idea how to respond to it. Whenever it comes to dating,I like to be the one in control. I want to be the one to approach the girl. This way,I never have to worry about getting in some situation with a girl with whom I'm not interested in. I mean like two months ago,the same thing happened again...but it was with a older woman. I walked into a KFC,and this older woman said something to one of the other girls there,and she came and told me. I got the feeling that they wanted me to ask the "old" woman out,but I wasn't interested in her. I wasn't attracted to her.

So my question is this:If a woman compliments you,is it an IOI? Or could she just be making an observation?

Way too many factors here to know what the reality is. The girl could be engaged, getting married next week, but still think you are "cute", or the girl could be single and want to lose her virginity to you. If you compliment a hot girl, do you want a relationship with her or is just in passing?


If a guy (usually an AFC) tells a woman she's pretty,or tells her she's "hot",I think it's pretty clear that it's because he's interested in her. A guy wll want to date a woman,strictly based on her appearance alone,but woman want some sort of value in a guy,and they are attracted to a guy based on how she feels when she's around him. This is what is kind of confusing. When I was at the drive-thru,I wasn't demonstrating and kind of value (as far as I know),I was just sitting in my car waiting for my order. In fact,I never even saw the girl who actually gave the compliment.

Again too many unknowns. The lady that told you could have thought you were cute just to get a response. The lady may want to know if you're available for her daughter, the lady may want you for herself, etc, etc, etc.


But to have a women give compliments (possible IOIs) first? Kinda throws me for a loop fellas.
Compliments first means she likes you, but have to hear it first hand. A lady from a lady from a lady is too much grapevine music for me.

"She thinks you're cute"
"I'm flattered, perhaps I'll be so lucky as to see her next I come. Thank for the meal, bye for now"
 

Moose_God_II

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
12
Reaction score
1
Just say "Thanks!"

And go from there...next time that happens ask to talk to the girl that thought you were cute...chances are she's really shy and you won't have to do much flirting except for "Hi" and getting her number.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Igetit!

Moderator
Joined
Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,736
Reaction score
665
Location
The United State of Texas
Moose_God_II said:
Just say "Thanks!"

And go from there...next time that happens ask to talk to the girl that thought you were cute...chances are she's really shy and you won't have to do much flirting except for "Hi" and getting her number.
So I take it that you consider the compliment to be an indication of interest. I suppose it is possible. It's just that out of all the girls I've dated,they were all a result of me approaching them. I can't recall one time where a date happened with one of the girls that "complimented" me first. Then again,maybe I screwed up those opportunities.

Walking Anomaly: I hear what you're saying about some women being agreesive enough to go after what they want like most men do. I remember one time,me and my friend were at a bowling alley,and I was sitting down at a table waiting for my turn to bowl. Then all the sudden out of the blue,then girl just comes over to our table,pulls out a chair,and sits down and started talking to us. Just out of nowhere. Now that was loud and clear,no confusion about what was going on there. It's just that I've always thought of it like this:guy approaches,girl accepts or rejects. And for the most part,that's how it is. Besides,these "compliments" happen every now and then anyway.

Don Juan11 and San Jose California:This thing you guys say about these compliments simply being given just to get a reaction: uhh...why would a woman who I've never seen before,and who's never see me want a reacton out of me? What for? This is one of the most strangest,crazy possible explanations I've heard of concerning this....which makes me believe that you guys may be right. Hey,when it comes to women,I tossed out logic a looong time ago. The fact that this "reaction seeking" thing is so off the wall to me makes me believe that you guys may be on to something.

Jitterbug: Am I a geek? Uhh,no. Farrrr from it in fact.
Did I used to be a "nice guy"? Oh yeah,most definately. With
no game? Ohhh,you better believe it buddy. Zip,nada. I was
so clueless,I didn't even know there was a game going on.
Have I become enlightened? Well...I'd like to think so.:D

As far as getting all the dhv,dlv,neg,and IOI thinking out of my head,working on it man,working on it.
 

r0cky

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
1,053
Reaction score
31
Jitterbug said:
Let me guess... you're a geek who used to be a nice guy with no game and have been reading some PUA materials and become enlightened? You guys all suffer from overanalysis. Too much of "WTF does this mean?" and not enough actions.
Isnt that just about every single pua out there?
Its doubtful some pimp with tons of game would come on this site to learn how to pick up women.
 

jdjd

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2008
Messages
71
Reaction score
1
like / love...sometimes is jsut really simple

its either you like or no....

you like...go for it..if not just smile and walk away like the other poster wrote...

or are you just thinking about this "in general" as a theory?
 

AAAgent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 10, 2008
Messages
2,436
Reaction score
173
the only 2 things i can think of when a woman gives you a compliment are:

1.) She's an attention ***** and is just trying to string you along and make you feel good, so you can give her more attention since you feel that you might have a chance.

2.) She's actually thinks your attractive but she wants to know what "YOU" think of yourself. Depending on your answer, that will determine whether she becomes even more attracted to you or not. Kind of like a test of your confidence and if your man enough to handle yourself and her.
 
Top