"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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iqqi the player...i feel like sh!t

TesuqueRed

Master Don Juan
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Iq--

the "I have trust issues" raises a red flag for me.

I can say it's so cliche', and it is, but behind every cliche is a kernal of truth or the reflection (or inverstion) of a truth (however ugly...)

Don't get me wrong on that. Only retards will take that statement as a validation of their bigotted opinion(s). But you're savvy enough to guess what I mean.

Someone says "I have trust issues" and I hear "I am resisting something and I don't know what."

And I don't know what, either. But yoiu're Iqqi the Player taking her place in the pantheon next to Conan the Barbarian and Pell the Conqueror (Ok, I'll shut up, you can tell the beer is good and I like to hear myself talk...)

You don't have trust issues. You may find you do not trust someone or that you have issues in general that interfere with a current relationship. It may be too early to trust. "Trusting" may not be--as parents of children would say, "age-appropriate." Yes--you (as was I) may not be of experience and age to trust just yet, meaning that trust will come when it will come, but right now you're in a developmental phase of getting experience.

Trust--when it comes--won't be an issue.

For me, I think "it is what it is" is closer to the path you want to follow, which--making note that "it is as it lays," or "it is as it is"--should open up your intuition to it and cause you to sweep the intellectual-emotional crap off the table to look at the situation before you.

It's similar to the addage "look at what they do, not what they say."

"I have trust issues" means--to me--that you're putting in some intellectual framework of what should be, and when people and you don't conform to expectation--and neither of you will--you and they "have trust issues."

Would solving a trust issue make things work?

I don't think so.

It would be one issue in a long line of issues, each replacing the other in sequence.

So sweep it aside and look at what's before you--"it is what it is"--and what does that tell you? Only you can know.

My guess?

It's a "no"--or "next".

Something's not working, and "solving" it generically as a "trust issue" means the underlying problem will just re-assert itself as a "intimacy issue" next, to be followed by a "respect issue" after that, to be followed by....you get the idea.

All this may be incoherent--as I said, the beer is good :D

Signing off--

Tesuque
the beer
is good.

You can't ask for more, can you?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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