"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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iqqi the player...i feel like sh!t

TesuqueRed

Master Don Juan
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Iq--

the "I have trust issues" raises a red flag for me.

I can say it's so cliche', and it is, but behind every cliche is a kernal of truth or the reflection (or inverstion) of a truth (however ugly...)

Don't get me wrong on that. Only retards will take that statement as a validation of their bigotted opinion(s). But you're savvy enough to guess what I mean.

Someone says "I have trust issues" and I hear "I am resisting something and I don't know what."

And I don't know what, either. But yoiu're Iqqi the Player taking her place in the pantheon next to Conan the Barbarian and Pell the Conqueror (Ok, I'll shut up, you can tell the beer is good and I like to hear myself talk...)

You don't have trust issues. You may find you do not trust someone or that you have issues in general that interfere with a current relationship. It may be too early to trust. "Trusting" may not be--as parents of children would say, "age-appropriate." Yes--you (as was I) may not be of experience and age to trust just yet, meaning that trust will come when it will come, but right now you're in a developmental phase of getting experience.

Trust--when it comes--won't be an issue.

For me, I think "it is what it is" is closer to the path you want to follow, which--making note that "it is as it lays," or "it is as it is"--should open up your intuition to it and cause you to sweep the intellectual-emotional crap off the table to look at the situation before you.

It's similar to the addage "look at what they do, not what they say."

"I have trust issues" means--to me--that you're putting in some intellectual framework of what should be, and when people and you don't conform to expectation--and neither of you will--you and they "have trust issues."

Would solving a trust issue make things work?

I don't think so.

It would be one issue in a long line of issues, each replacing the other in sequence.

So sweep it aside and look at what's before you--"it is what it is"--and what does that tell you? Only you can know.

My guess?

It's a "no"--or "next".

Something's not working, and "solving" it generically as a "trust issue" means the underlying problem will just re-assert itself as a "intimacy issue" next, to be followed by a "respect issue" after that, to be followed by....you get the idea.

All this may be incoherent--as I said, the beer is good :D

Signing off--

Tesuque
the beer
is good.

You can't ask for more, can you?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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