Introversion

[EternalBachelor]

I am 19 and have always been the guy with his head in the clouds or in a book. As a teenager I worked extremely hard at school, at the expense of socialising, and being at an all male school I never got any contact with women. While I have always had friends, I tend to take a long time to make friends, as I am not very chatty and am very quiet, and most of my friends are made through common activities such as work and hobbies.

None of this bothered me especially until I came to university and found that these traits seemed to make me hopeless with women. I can talk to women, and am not especially flustered by them, problem is that I am very quiet and serious and think a lot, something which women don't seem to appreciate, preferring the extroverted, more sociable guys.

I have made a lot of effort to socialise, talk to lots of women, and generally become more outgoing, but my time is more and more scarce as academic work pressures grow, and I can see very few tangible results or easing in my comfort in social situations. I still find myself as bewildered and uncomfortable in social situations such as parties, pubs, clubs etc. and as a result my chances for meeting new women are greatly diminished. Most of the societies and my economics classes are male dominated, so I meet very few women there.

I sometimes feel it is impossible for me to change myself into an outgoing, talkative guy who can chat up women with ease, as that is just not who I am. Surely there must be some other ways that quiet guys like me can meet and date women? Surely there are some women who find quiet guys attractive?

Suggestions and advice would be much appreciated.

 

[Cassidy]

I looked at your post and I almost cried. I almost cried because you described the way I was, almost exactly, back when I started high school. (Okay, well I didn't cry. CRYING'S FOR WIMPS!)

I was a high achiever in school, so I was thrown forward two grades. By the time I reached high school, my peers (at most two years older than myself) were enjoying success with women where I barely had experience.

I put it down to the fact that I read a lot and didn't go out much, so therefore I would have no luck whatsoever talking to women. When I was coerced into doing so by my friends, I chickened out in whatever way I could for fear of feeling uncomfortable, or that the woman would see what a complete idiot I was. I mean, I read a lot. That made me an idiot, right?

WRONG.

I was intelligent enough to notice that if I sat around and waited for p*ssy, it wouldn't just (literally) fall into my lap. I was intelligent enough to notice that the only thing that stopped me from approaching women was my own irrational fear of nothing.

I made excuses such as "she'll think I'm an idiot", or "I'll have nothing to say," but in the end, it's nothing more complicated than talking to a person.

You say you have no problems talking to women, but do you have problems listening to them? If you're quiet, in some ways that's better than an extreme extroversion because you'll be more inclined to listen than to talk.

Try this. Find a woman you know. Ask her a really open question like 'how was your day?' Then just talk about whatever she talks about. If she replies that it was great because her boyfriend got her a dolphin pendant (the stupid AFC), chances are she either likes dolphins, jewellery or both. Ask her about either and keep going. At the end of it, you'll find you had an enlightening conversation and you had to do little more than repeat her words back to her.

Practise until it becomes completely natural. And don't be afraid to talk about topics you think she'll have problems with, such as (*gasp*) sex. The more conversations with women you (gently) steer into this area, the better. Women love talking about sex more than you enjoy thinking about it.

Once you start naturally getting into conversations with girls you know, just start random conversations with girls you don't know. I'm sure you still have enough time with all your studies to say hi to the pretty girl you sometimes see in your unversity corridors.

When this all comes naturally to you, you'll find you'll have no problems in social situations. When you look back at yourself today, you'll notice that you've become much more outspoken than you ever were. And that's definitely a good thing in this case.

---Cassidy

 

[Julian]

Dude when it comes down to it humans are social creatures and sitting in the corner not saying a thing isnt going to make people give a damn about you.

Now, dont just talk for the sake of talking because alot of people do this and they usually end up spouting bs or just talking out of their anuses.

But you are probably the type to hold back even when you feel you should really comment on something. Dont be that guy.


Since you seem to have alot of experiences just talking to dudes, just think of talking to a girl the same way. Approach her as a regular person its not that hard. Come to think of it its not that different from just talking a dude.

I mean when im with guys im always ****y an funny because its just how i am. Just be yourself. The only reason for you not to say anything is because you fear what others may think. Just let go and let the pimp juice flow throughout your veins.

 

[squirrels]

Introversion is no excuse for underdeveloped social skills. A true introvert is someone who doesn't seek other people out actively and performs many solitary activities, but is still good at associating with people and can be an interesting person. Many people with poor social skills or social fears hide behind the banner of "introversion." I used to.

Women DO like the strong, silent type. They DON'T like the WEAK, intimidated, silent type.

 

[EternalBachelor]

Thanks, Cassidy, those conversation tips sound like something I could do fairly easily with practice.

 

[MackJr]

Originally posted by EternalBachelor
None of this bothered me especially until I came to university and found that these traits seemed to make me hopeless with women. I can talk to women, and am not especially flustered by them, problem is that I am very quiet and serious and think a lot, something which women don't seem to appreciate, preferring the extroverted, more sociable guys.

You know, that sounds logical, but it's actually not true. You can be quiet or loud and still be a DJ. The thing that's important is that you have to have confidence , and you have to be able to initiate.

I've had girls say, "You're so quiet, you're so serious", because I'm only mild extravert. But it drove them wild because it was a challenge for them to get into my head. The reason I did well was because I exuded confidence and didn't supplicate; I didn't act submissive or apologetic.

We tend to think that introversion is the problem, and yes, if you're so introverted that you hate people it is, but in general, it's not the real issue. The problem is fear or failing to show confidence. With that one behavior, you will turn your dating life upside down.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Women are usually not attracted to introverts - I know some females I know have a lot of introvert AFCs. There is hope for Intros.. just be more outgoing.

 

[iqqi]

brandon from incubus is a severe introvert. and girls would sell their souls for him.

 

[gentleman193]

He's a rock star. He can also suck **** and wear a leotard and they will still sell their souls for him.