Internet gal

[becker]

Hey guys, I haven't come on this site in a very long time, so I have no idea what's been going on.

Anyways, met this gal online, and we hit it off right away. Had her e-mailing me all the time, IMing me all the time, and basically eating out of my hand. We did a lot of chatting on the internet, so by the time I was going to meet her in person, we felt that we knew each other pretty well.

I just went to meet her in person yesterday, since I told her I'd watch a movie with her at her place (chick flick). It was nice since I was able to hold her the whole time. She was a little bit sick with a slight cough, so I didn't do too much more. Didn't get to do a lot of chattin' since we were watching a movie, but she insisted on it, so I just went along with it. At the end of the evening, gave her a sweet kiss, and that's that. We did a lot of hugging and she told me she was very glad I came to see her.

Anyways, she went away for last weekend and after she came back, she was not quite the same gal. I'd like to know whether she's still into me. It's difficult because I feel like it's ok to start spending a little more time with each other, but I am busy for the next month or so. Plus, she used to send me all these e-mails with sweet little names, etc. and now the e-mails have gotten a little more distant for lack of a better word. Short sentences, etc. Maybe it's my imagination, but I'm really not sure.

Anyone with thoughts? I'd love to hear some experiences you guys have had with this.

 

[becker]

Othello, awesome comments, thanks.

You're right about many things, I was probably more docile in person, but at the same time, I didn't expect to make any major moves on a first date either. I did kiss her, but a few closed-mouth ones at the end when I was leaving. I probably could have made out with her big time many times in the evening, but I didn't want to move too fast. I probably should have done it now. I'll do it next time I see her for sure.

Body language on her was very good when I saw her though. She always stood close to me, touched me, tickled me, put her arm around my waist, etc. That's the hardest part for me, is that after all this, I feel like something went wrong. I'm not sure what. She was on IM tonight and I tried to IM her, but she logged off before answering. She was on for only like 1 min or something. She did tell me before I met her in person that she was going to be extremely busy with work in the upcoming weeks, but she wanted to see me so badly.

I have no idea what's up.

 

[Beethoven]

Becker, I've had a very similar situation over the last two weeks. A girl wrote to me on a dating site (which isn't so common, as normally the guys are more likely to write the girls), and she seemed into me.

We emailed back and forth several times a day, then we switched phone numbers and texted each other in the evenings.

As far as I could tell, she had way-high IL. So I started talking about kissing and cuddling in the texts, which I answered straight away.

I definitely shouldn't have made myself so available, her IL dropped like a stone. Also, what with mailing/texting so much, plus the kissing comments, basically I came across as coming on way too strong. She practically disappeared apart from the occasional text every couple of days. She even failed to call/text when she said she would.

See, I thought I could behave as AFC as I liked, cause she was so interested. That may not have been the best idea.

Now, I left her alone for a while, and finally sent her a new text. She responded immediately, and I'm now not going to send another for a little while again. I might still be able to recover this. Perhaps you could try the same in your situation? Oh, and like Othello says, definitely block her most of the time in IM, you're way too over-available otherwise.

--> Beethoven

 

[becker]

Thanks for the feedback guys, it really helps.

This girl is very busy, and she made it clear before we even started seeing each other, so I guess shouldn't be a total surprise. However, she seemed so different from other girls in that she was the one that seemed to respond very well to all sweet intimate talk before we even saw each other. I kept it pretty tongue in cheek though, so that it wouldn't come off too strong.

Anyways, she IM'd me this morning. The main thing is that her messages went from very happy to see me, and so into talking to not talking as much because she's busy with work (now that I think of it, as I'm writing this, it's probably not some excuse because she really is a busy girl at work).

Anyways, I wrote her a long e-mail yesterday and basically told her that if she's trying to avoid me, don't go through the trouble and just tell me and she doesn't have to talk to me. Simple. I am hoping that I'm just jumping to conclusions, but it's so difficult to tell. I'm going to just wait for her response to the e-mail, and go from there. We'll see what happens.

Othello, you're right on about analyzing what she says. It's more about how she's saying it rather than what she's saying. Maybe I just didn't notice it before and she hasn't done anything different, but I'm just distorting it. But I'll tell you one thing, the messages are not as warm that's for sure. She went from calling me "sweetie", "baby", to more like "hi". She also used to e-mail me out of the blue and just wish me a good day and tell me what she's doing.

Beethoven, it seems as though your situation is a little different since you've never met the girl in person, right?

Oh well, this sucks, I really thought this girl was something.

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by becker

Anyways, I wrote her a long e-mail yesterday and basically told her that if she's trying to avoid me, don't go through the trouble and just tell me and she doesn't have to talk to me. Simple. I am hoping that I'm just jumping to conclusions, but it's so difficult to tell. I'm going to just wait for her response to the e-mail, and go from there. We'll see what happens.

I don't really understand why you did that....sounds just a little insecure in my opinion. I would just ask her out again when she's free and if she makes an excuse, say 'f*ck it".

Did you meet her on a dating site, by any chance ?

 

[maranathaman]

bullpucky!

"This girl is very busy, and she made it clear before we even started seeing each other..."

Put it this way, if some hot chick that you would dearly love to bone, asked you to spend time alone with her,
would YOU let "being busy" stop you from seeing her?
You would most likely either re-arange your schedule to hook-up with her, or you'd ask for a raincheck. If your lady-friend is giving you excuses that she's 'too-busy" to see-you, and she's not at least making a raincheck to see you another time, then you gotta realize that she is blowing you off and/or making excuses/has low interest level.

 

[Krassus]

My advice to you is, as always, to forget about the chick and worry about yourself. Her behavior could mean anything, literally anything. You could easily drive yourself mad trying to figure her out. For instance:

1) You weren't as good as she expected, so she's less interested. Therefore, she puts less effort into talking to you now.
2) You were far better than she expected, so she's more interested. But now she's afraid to lose you, and is playing hard to get to keep you interested.

See what i mean? Don't even go there, man! Think about yourself, your life, and let her worry about hers. "Just breathe." And for fvck's sake, realize that you have to stop using email, IM or any other form of communication that doesn't involve you hearing her and vice versa as soon as possible. Trust me on this one. But since she's used to email, don't abruptly stop - rather, slowly phase it out and maker her more comfortable with you in real life by spending more time with her in person. Actually, what am i saying? Stop. Now. Everything. Pull back and let her wonder what she did wrong to scare you off.

Anyways, I wrote her a long e-mail yesterday and basically told her that if she's trying to avoid me, don't go through the trouble and just tell me and she doesn't have to talk to me. Simple. I am hoping that I'm just jumping to conclusions, but it's so difficult to tell. I'm going to just wait for her response to the e-mail, and go from there. We'll see what happens.

FOOL!

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Krassus
My advice to you is, as always, to forget about the chick and worry about yourself. Her behavior could mean anything, literally anything. You could easily drive yourself mad trying to figure her out. For instance:

1) You weren't as good as she expected, so she's less interested. Therefore, she puts less effort into talking to you now.
2) You were far better than she expected, so she's more interested. But now she's afraid to lose you, and is playing hard to get to keep you interested.

See what i mean? Don't even go there, man! Think about yourself, your life, and let her worry about hers. "Just breathe." And for fvck's sake, realize that you have to stop using email, IM or any other form of communication that doesn't involve you hearing her and vice versa as soon as possible. Trust me on this one. But since she's used to email, don't abruptly stop - rather, slowly phase it out and maker her more comfortable with you in real life by spending more time with her in person. Actually, what am i saying? Stop. Now. Everything. Pull back and let her wonder what she did wrong to scare you off.



FOOL!

Hey guys, good advice, thanks, I was so lost and the train sort of derailed. It happens. The e-mail was a mistake. I kept a copy though so that I could read it and realize that myself. It was sort of my damage control. You know, you're heading for the rocks, and you sort of prepare yourself to make sure you pick up the pieces.

Anyways, the difficult part about this girl is that it's in large part that she's going through a divorce right now, and has apparently had some bad relationships in the past. She was married for like 2 months and it broke off because her husband was a total jerk and she didn't know until they got married of all these things about him. Those have a big impact on a girl. I can understand her lack of trust, and it's hard as heck to break through, because if you get betrayed by someone who you feel was 100% genuine, it's not an easy recovery.

She told me that she liked me, but was afraid. She said she wasn't ready, that she needed to be my friend. She also gave me the "it's not you" kiss of death. I mean, I hate overgeneralizing responses like that, because this girls actions clearly spoke the opposite of her words. She really was all over me when I saw her, she kissed me, and everything.

Also, I spoke to one of her best friends, and they told me that she was talking to them about me and nothing but good things. They told me not to worry and not to read into things too much. Who knows. I definitely think that this girl is neurotic, and she even said so. The problem is that this friend of hers is telling me that they're encouraging her not to see anyone right now and basically stay away from all men. I know that's a big part of it.

She is such a great gal, and it's difficult to keep letting go of girls like this. The problem I have is that nobody's perfect. I don't look for perfection. People can have and do have issues. That's just life. You can't go building a strong relationship with someone, and once something bad happens, just run for the hills. I hate that, and think it's a total copout. I'd rather stick it through. You'll always meet someone else, and that someone else will always have some other lame issue that will put a dampener in the relationship and you'll just go through the same thing again. That's women for you. Most bastard players give a lot of guys a bad name and make it more difficult for others to establish anything with any girl. But what can you do, that's the game you choose to play.

Anyways, I have something with this girl, and I can't see myself just turning around and ignoring this completely. She's totally fighting her feelings too, I can tell. She wants to keep talking to me. She's telling me she can't deal with boys right now. I won't be consumed by it, but I will just sort of move on mentally and just hang around her some as a friend. If anything happens, it'll happen, but I'm not going to count on it.