Inner Beta

[Aesthetix29]

The inner beta always trying to break out ... for example ...

Girl texts asking if I wanted to do something later .. but it’s something I really don’t feel like doing so I say I’ll pass ... she replies ‘ ok no worries ‘

And this is when I feel the inner beta tries to break out ... I start feeling bad because Ive said no .... I’m a man so I don’t act on this impulse but it’s something I always feel. Anyone else get this ?

 

[Serenity]

I used to, but not anymore. I did change my core beliefs a little though, there's nothing trying to break out because what's inside is changed. I'd probably struggle behaving like a beta now because it goes against my core beliefs.

What I'm getting at is that if you feel like it goes against you to say no, then your change isn't deep enough. It's one thing to intellectually know something, it's another to feel like it's true. You intellectually know there's nothing wrong about declining, but your feeling about it says otherwise. So there is something driving you that you're not aware of yet, it would be a good idea to look into yourself to try identify what that is.

You still have at least some of the core beliefs of a beta left in you, until you address it at an emotional level you'll continue to feel bad in these situations despite intellectually knowing better.

 

[samspade]

I used to, but not anymore. I did change my core beliefs a little though, there's nothing trying to break out because what's inside is changed. I'd probably struggle behaving like a beta now because it goes against my core beliefs.

What I'm getting at is that if you feel like it goes against you to say no, then your change isn't deep enough. It's one thing to intellectually know something, it's another to feel like it's true. You intellectually know there's nothing wrong about declining, but your feeling about it says otherwise. So there is something driving you that you're not aware of yet, it would be a good idea to look into yourself to try identify what that is.

You still have at least some of the core beliefs of a beta left in you, until you address it at an emotional level you'll continue to feel bad in these situations despite intellectually knowing better.

This is a great post. I've been on both sides of it and know exactly what you mean.

OP, what you feel is an ego mechanism that says that what you want goes against the social grain. I even remember feeling this when I was a little boy. Once I wanted to stay home instead of go to a friend's house (like a play date invitation). I knew what I wanted to do, but I had this gnawing feeling I'd disappointed someone. It was a very early moment of id vs. ego. I know that it sounds juvenile but it's the same exact thing - because as we mature, we "unlearn" these things - there's so much social etiquette that we fail to be true to ourselves.

The challenge, I think, is to ask yourself if you're being lazy or being true to yourself. I think it's good to say yes blindly sometimes and ride the wave. But I also support doing what you want. So you have to take stock and ask yourself if you're doing what you want, but without slipping into malaise.

 

[derby1]

And this is when I feel the inner beta tries to break out ... I start feeling bad because Ive said no .... I’m a man so I don’t act on this impulse but it’s something I always feel. Anyone else get this ?

Dont worry, a couple of kids & a split, then a couple of false allegations, resulting in you finding out the whole of society protects the woman/mom at all costs, will kill the inner save-a-ho