incredibly smart, strong willed girl who says "i care too much what people think"

[Wyldfire]

You actually could be describing me, because I am the same way. (NO...it's not me, lol)

She needs mental/intellectual stimulation and to be kept on her toes. Because she is aggressive/assertive and says exactly what she thinks you need to NOT be intimidated by that and NOT be afraid to disagree with her. The challenge with a woman like this is not dealing with games and tests...you won't see much of that...but you MUST stimulated her mind and keep her on her toes or she will lose interest and won't have a problem walking away at all. Debate current events, politics, religion or social issues with her...and if you disagree...DON'T back down. She'll like that.

 

[gruby]

This girl seems boring to me and acting way too much like a man plus the fact that she's verbalizing everything rally turns me off. I was in similar situation and the girl turned out to be extremely insecure.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

First of all, don't plan out what you will say next time you talk to her, thats a bad move, I used to do that and it does not go down well, you forget points, screw up your words. Just speak from your heart.

How do you get back in the driver seat? Stop caring so much. They say whoever cares least has the power in the relationship, that is too true. You have already said you care more.

You said you don't want to hear someone say that you should next her, well I think thats the best option, so sorry to tell you what you don't want to hear.

Talking to her on the phone everyday without ever getting to see her was probably a bad move too. One thing that I remember reading when I started coming to this site is to stay off the phone, I have dropped many other games taught here, but I still keep the phone to a minimum.

And yes, if you try to convice or tell her that you don't care too much what people think, you will only strengthen her point.

Seriously, move on and she may or may not be back, but you moving on is key.

Mr. Mystery

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery II
First of all, don't plan out what you will say next time you talk to her, thats a bad move, I used to do that and it does not go down well, you forget points, screw up your words. Just speak from your heart.

How do you get back in the driver seat? Stop caring so much. They say whoever cares least has the power in the relationship, that is too true. You have already said you care more.

You said you don't want to hear someone say that you should next her, well I think thats the best option, so sorry to tell you what you don't want to hear.

Talking to her on the phone everyday without ever getting to see her was probably a bad move too. One thing that I remember reading when I started coming to this site is to stay off the phone, I have dropped many other games taught here, but I still keep the phone to a minimum.

And yes, if you try to convice or tell her that you don't care too much what people think, you will only strengthen her point.

Seriously, move on and she may or may not be back, but you moving on is key.

Mr. Mystery

Well, I am moving on is the point of not bothering to "next" her. I'm already starting to see a few other girls but i don't want to close the door completely on this one yet. I'm willing to put in SOME effort, but not focus all my energies on her.

If a girl is calling you herself everyday how do you get her to stop without being all insulting and saying "stop calling me!!!" I realize I shouldn't and don't even want to talk on the phone but how do you prevent it if she's the one calling?

 

[frivolousz21]

tell her she is weak...and she cant handle a real man..and you dont want to hear her spout her mouth anymore will bull Shyt and see how she responds!

 

[yunghova35]

When se calls you should say “hey you’re right I do care about what other people think of me” reason being is because you just took time out of you life to write a post about WHAT A SOMEONE THINKS OF YOU.

And think about how many times you came BACK to this post to SEE what OUR reply would be.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
Well, I am moving on is the point of not bothering to "next" her. I'm already starting to see a few other girls but i don't want to close the door completely on this one yet. I'm willing to put in SOME effort, but not focus all my energies on her.

If a girl is calling you herself everyday how do you get her to stop without being all insulting and saying "stop calling me!!!" I realize I shouldn't and don't even want to talk on the phone but how do you prevent it if she's the one calling?

This is what she's talking about you caring too much about what other people think. Stop caring about her feelings now!

Now, you hit it good enough to merit some post separation hookups, but you don't have to be nice about it at all, it can be cold.

Tell her to stop calling unless its for some dyck, dictate that you are still willing to hit it but not willing to continue having a "normal" relationship with her.

Thats how I'd handle it personally.

I'm not sure what you are waiting for by keeping things open. She dumped you, it doesn't seem like there is enough there to merit any chasing after her without it being desparate, there is not enough history to really make a confident stand and let her know you won't let her go.

I've tried making a relationship work that had fizzled out for the pure experience of trying something I hadn't tried before, and it is very difficult to do. I really think there has to be a good bit of history for that "confident persistance" after a breakup you don't want for it to work, if it even does work. Most of the time relationships end for a reason and they should stay ended.

But like I said before, once you move on COMPLETELY, then maybe you could have a second chance at a relationship. But if your just interested in hitting it more that option seems pretty open to me as long as you stop caring and dictate how things are gonna be.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
tell her she is weak...and she cant handle a real man..and you dont want to hear her spout her mouth anymore will bull Shyt and see how she responds!

Bad call...if he wants to keep the door open he should not insult her. If she is the type who easily moves on and is assertive then doing that will cause her to next him. If a man needs to insult a woman to deal with her he is insecure and doesn't have his act together. This woman will be able to smell that a mile away and will likely call him on it, too. And if she's anything at all like me (which it sounds as if she is), not only can she handle a "real man", but it will take a very strong, confident and self-assured "real man" to handle her.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by yunghova35
When se calls you should say “hey you’re right I do care about what other people think of me” reason being is because you just took time out of you life to write a post about WHAT A SOMEONE THINKS OF YOU.

And think about how many times you came BACK to this post to SEE what OUR reply would be.

It'd be a really lonely world if nobody cared what anyone else thought at all. I am seeking opinions from people on this board, not their validation.

Pretending like I don't care what she thinks at all would just be lying. If I cared not at all why would I even date her? Just to f*ck her? No thanks. I don't care enough to change who I am is the point.

What she means by "not caring what other people think" is that she expects me to be myself no matter what or how other people or her criticize me. I know that for the most part I do act myself regardless what other's opinions are. FOR THE MOST PART. I'm not perfect, and don't claim to be.

I believe you're taking the "not caring" thing too far.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery II

I'm not sure what you are waiting for by keeping things open.

I've regretted burning bridges before.


And besides, this girl is a real challenge and i want to see if it can be done.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
I've regretted burning bridges before.


And besides, this girl is a real challenge and i want to see if it can be done.

Burned bridges can be rebuilt after some time passes. Thats something to keep in mind. Standing your ground now will show you have a backbone and you can make up later on when both of you have had some time apart and both of you are sorry.

I can add anything more than what I've already said, but I'd be interested in hearing Wyldfires opinion on this past the fact that she has alot in common with the culprit.

Personally I don't think there is a "nice" way around this. But I'd be interested to hear Wyldfires view on it.

Mr. Mystery

 

[yunghova35]

Originally posted by mrRuckus
Well, I am moving on is the point of not bothering to "next" her. I'm already starting to see a few other girls but i don't want to close the door completely on this one yet. I'm willing to put in SOME effort, but not focus all my energies on her.

If a girl is calling you herself everyday how do you get her to stop without being all insulting and saying "stop calling me!!!" I realize I shouldn't and don't even want to talk on the phone but how do you prevent it if she's the one calling?

STOP ANSWERING, that why caller ID was invented

Originally posted by mrRuckus
It'd be a really lonely world if nobody cared what anyone else thought at all. I am seeking opinions from people on this board, not their validation.

Pretending like I don't care what she thinks at all would just be lying. If I cared not at all why would I even date her? Just to f*ck her? No thanks.

What she means by "not caring what other people think" is that she expects me to be myself no matter what or how other people or her criticize me. I know that for the most part I do act myself regardless what other's opinions are. FOR THE MOST PART. I'm not perfect, and don't claim to be.

I believe you're taking the "not caring" thing too far.

I’m gonna address every thing you said paragraph by paragraph

Correction, it would be a lonely world if people couldn’t communicate, having someone’s thoughts about you is insecurity not what communication is based on.

And you’re right your not looking for OUR validation, your seeking hers. (there is NO reason in HELL to continue speaking with her I DARE YOU, to give me ONE (and I BET you don’t even answer this question)

Ok you don’t have to pretend NOT to care what she thinks. But when she tells you “you care too much what people think about you” you CAN NOT say she’s lying or wrong because your sitting here SAYING (typing) to us that you CARE what she thinks.

And yes she’s right YOU SHOULD be yourself and STAY yourself, but no you changed for her and therefore you got dumped, THIS SHOULD BE A LESSON TO YOU MY FRIEND.

And in closing if you want her to not have these thought of you do this:
Email me her number and pic (we live in the same area) I’ll have her not thinking or calling your ass in no time

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by yunghova35


Ok you don’t have to pretend NOT to care what she thinks. But when she tells you “you care too much what people think about you” you CAN NOT say she’s lying or wrong because your sitting here SAYING (typing) to us that you CARE what she thinks.

[/COLOR]

The difference is she says "too much" not that I "do care."

You're turning this into some sort of catch 22. If i respond to what you said about "i bet you won't answer this question" then you'll respond with "you care too much what i think" and if i don't respond then you'll say I didn't have the balls or didn't have an answer to your question. So, I just won't bother.

I already admitted to screwing up, what more do you want? I don't know why you want to make it personal. That ends here.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery II
Burned bridges can be rebuilt after some time passes. Thats something to keep in mind. Standing your ground now will show you have a backbone and you can make up later on when both of you have had some time apart and both of you are sorry.

I can add anything more than what I've already said, but I'd be interested in hearing Wyldfires opinion on this past the fact that she has alot in common with the culprit.

Personally I don't think there is a "nice" way around this. But I'd be interested to hear Wyldfires view on it.

Mr. Mystery

It'd be hard to rebuild a bridge if I listen to those who recommend what is akin to saying "f*ck off" or "no friendship or anything unless we have sex."

Her response to that would be never to talk to me again. Ever.

Both of us should be sorry for what? No one has actually done anything wrong. I'm not going to fault her for saying something she believes even if I disagree, and I didn't do anything to her.

What I want to do now is just say to hell with it and if she calls just be my normal self and have fun talking with her like normal. If something happens, great it happens, and if not, well there are other girls. If nothing else, I use her as fodder for learning to deal better with the more aggressive chicks.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by whistler



If you try anything, update this thread, will you?

Those of use that like smart chicks would be eager to see how it goes.

Alright, there's an update. I hadn't talked to her for 12 days... not at all since this thread started.

I start seeing this Heather girl and put up as my IM away msg "at Heather's..." last night.

Apparently the girl this thread is about reads that and feels the impulse to say something finally.

Girl (8:52:01 PM): Make sure you give her the real you and not just what she wants


Weird thing to say as her first recontact of me. Not sure what to think or say or if i should even reply. Just saw the msg a little bit ago when i stopped home before work after being at Heather's house

 

[whistler]

That's good.

I'd continue to ignore her.

Keep posting those messages.

If she replies again, that's a good sign. Reply to a second comment of hers with something sarcastic.

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by whistler
That's good.

I'd continue to ignore her.

Keep posting those messages.

If she replies again, that's a good sign. Reply to a second comment of hers with something sarcastic.

Really think she'd say something again if I ignore her this time?

Wouldn't she just assume I didn't want to talk to her since I've not talked her in 2 weeks and then ignored her when she finally did try to talk to me? She might think i just moved on and want nothing to do with her.. that'd be all well and good but not if i'd be waiting for a second reply to ever talk to her again.

I've had that happen so many times where I don't talk to girls for a long time and when i finally talk to them they're like "i thought you didn't want to talk to me" when i've never said anything of the sort.

 

[whistler]

To have a shot at getting her back, you need to become more attractive to her.

You can do that, in part, by displaying signs that you are desired by other women.

The key is that she has effectively dumped you.
So you need to become more valuable to her. (You weren't valuable enough to her before.)

And if you become valuable enough, she will show a desire (in some way) to get back with you.

She may have sent that message because she felt a ping of attraction for you again, or simply because she's nuts. It's too early to tell with just one brief communication.

If you're aggressive and not careful enough, you risk really truning her off. If you can read the girl really well, then go for it. Otherwise, let her come to you (if she ever does).

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by whistler
To have a shot at getting her back, you need to become more attractive to her.

You can do that, in part, by displaying signs that you are desired by other women.

The key is that she has effectively dumped you.
So you need to become more valuable to her. (You weren't valuable enough to her before.)

And if you become valuable enough, she will show a desire (in some way) to get back with you.

She may have sent that message because she felt a ping of attraction for you again, or simply because she's nuts. It's too early to tell with just one brief communication.

If you're aggressive and not careful enough, you risk really truning her off. If you can read the girl really well, then go for it. Otherwise, let her come to you (if she ever does).

Yes, all true. I'm actually "seeing" about 3 girls now and i think this girl is starting to catch on that I am.

I'm not sure what you mean by "aggressive" with her. I'm not about to start trying to talk her into getting back with me or anything if that's what you mean. What should I be "careful" about?

 

[whistler]

By aggressive, I just meant putting in a lot of energy to get her back. But you're not, so no matter.

My point though, was that the ball is her court. I wouldn't pursue her at all.

Keeping your away message updated with your social life is all you should bother with.

If she shows more interest, then you can start to slowly reel her in.