In LTR, Not sure about her still

[GolfGuru]

K fellas.. I have a bit of a problem.

I've been seeing this woman for about 4 months. We are both 26. We see each other about 2X a week, due to hectic work schedules etc.. The sex is good, not great but good. She seems like a woman with values and that is why I have kept her around for the last 4 months.

So far so good right? Well, the only problem I got is that I have been leading the relationship on all aspects and it's getting quite exhausting. By leading, I mean planning, calling, initating EVERYTHING - I don't feel like its a two way street here.

Not sure what to do. Thoughts?

 

[darkstarrr]

stop initiating conversations.

stop calling her or texting her first

stop doing everything first and let HER do some work

if you want this to change you are going to have to do the above.

also, i would do some things to change your appearance and behavior. start going to the gym more. get a neew sharp haircut. smile more. be more enthusiastic about life. find some way for her to see you during the week. for example be involved in some events during the week where you need a date, etc.

good luck

 

[window]

she isn't a giver...not good. Has she ever offered to pay for anything ? or do anything for you off her own bat ?

 

[jophil28]

stop initiating conversations.

stop calling her or texting her first

stop doing everything first and let HER do some work

Yes, it is easy to slip into a pattern in which you initiate everything, BUT in so doing you are inadvertently training her to EXPECT more of the same.
I would cut it all in half . IF she really wants to be in this LTR she will move in and close that gap and do more.

 

[GolfGuru]

she isn't a giver...not good. Has she ever offered to pay for anything ? or do anything for you off her own bat ?

Good comments so far. Hope to hear from some more people later.

She does offer to pay sometimes, she always has. We usually take turns paying. Now as far as she doing anything for me or coming up with ideas to do things, Im gonna have to say no.

 

[KarmaSutra]

When you tee up in a group of four do you always hit your ball first? No. You take turns.

Use this same mentality when dealing with women. Give them a chance to shine for you not to you.

 

[window]

I have a similar question...how many times do you have to see a girl before you'd expect her to call you up and ask you to do something ?

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Well, the only problem I got is that I have been leading the relationship on all aspects and it's getting quite exhausting. By leading, I mean planning, calling, initating EVERYTHING - I don't feel like its a two way street here.

GolfGuru, I got the same problem. It sucks - the entire social agenda is on me. I'm at an impasse myself after a year, and with the holiday season coming up it simply would be totally classless to break up now. I just completely have my way in the relationship right down to what we eat for dinner. I try to push the envelope (i.e. force her to watch karate movies) but she never ever fights back for fear she might lose me.

Some ideas I'm working on:

1. I go out a lot more with my friends lately, or even by myself.

2. Spending more time on hobbies (golf is one of 'em)

3. Working more.

All these in hopes that she "gets it", and catches on and develops a life of her own outside of me. She hasn't yet. In essence I'm trying to live my life the way I want. If and when she complains, I simply tell her "I do what I want when I want to do it, that is what makes me happy."

Tough one - don't know the answer - I guess you have to look at it and make the tough decision - do you want to spend the rest of your life exhausted?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear All,
It is soo enlightening to be straightened out by the Professionals like Sexy Cuta,what do we know?we aren't 18!!!

 

[thedeparted]

You shouldn't have to prompt her to pick up her half. I've dated women like this and as soon as it was clear that they weren't gonna put in an equal effort I let them go.