In a relationship - how to get past urges to cheat?

[Rave18]

Important

I forgot to mention one thing. No matter what, never open up to the lady in question :nono:

I was in a situation where my elder cousin's wife started getting too close for comfort

\> http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204012

I confronted her, was honest about it and asked her to keep a distance. Next thing I know, my family and friends all got a news that I hit on her.

 

[Boilermaker]

Both you and backbreaker aren't saying much. What both of you are getting at is that when you find someone you believe to be LTR material, the urge goes away?

I thought that's exactly what I was not saying. But true, even then we are not saying much.

Because we are not even allowed to talk about these issues without being called immoral bastards, misogynistic clowns or psychopaths.

Meanwhile, feminists and/or religions have defined what we want/ what we need / what cheating is and how we should live our lives, so no point in discussing.

 

[backbreaker]

i can't speak for anyone else. for me it went away. it's just not there. then again, i had a lot of sex with a lot of women in a span of 3-4 years. white, black, hispanic, hb 6's, hb 9's. tall, short, red heads, blonds, brunettes, petite, thick, etc.


in one of rollo's blog posts he talks about seeing a pretty woman and the difference between someone who spun plates and someone who hasn't. the guy who settled look at that woman and thinks i wonder what it would be like ot get that. the guy who has spun plates looks at the same woman and usually sparks a remembrance of an experience he had with a previous woman. But the actual urge to put my **** inside of her just is not there. I can window shop and take y ass home lol.



as i used to tell muscleman all the time there is no right or wrong way to be a DJ if you want to **** more women go do it, but just because my sexual conquests are not tied to my masculinity does not make me or anyone else who doesn't stray from a a LTR a chump


some may very well not cheat out of honor or duty, i'm just saying i don't. honestly, the day I really felt the urge to cheat, i probably would. I'm not altrstic whatsoever. i don't cheat beucase i think my wife is really hot, i like having sex with her and i don't have the urge to want to put my penis inside another woman


ps- you know what, no i would not. i hate my dad to this day for how he treated my mom and i won't do that ot my son. i won't cheat on my wife until he's at least 18 and grown. not saying i'm going to cheat hen lol but just saying. i'm not gonna do that to my son.

 

[zekko]

Interesting you would suggest that in order to buy into "pickup theory" you have to be totally brainwashed, yet being a Catholic doesn't make you that according to you.

Dude, seriously, do you even read? I said for anyone to buy into ALL of the stuff that pickup theory says, they would have to be brainwashed. And I didn't just say that about pickup theory, I said that about practically ANY belief system. I'm convinced you're trying to troll me at this point.

Also, you try to make it sound like I'm advocating Roman Catholicism, when I stated outright that I didn't know ANY Catholics who believed all of it. What is your problem?

 

[Boilermaker]

I'm convinced you're trying to troll me at this point.

Not sure I know what that means.

Also, you try to make it sound like I'm advocating Roman Catholicism, when I stated outright that I didn't know ANY Catholics who believed all of it. What is your problem?

Try to make it sound like? I am using your words.

You used papal infallibility as a contrasting example between PUA theory vs Religion, saying:

(1) To believe in one, you need to be brainwashed and irrational.
(2) Yet you do not know any catholics that would be so stupid to believe in
papal infallibility.


(1) and (2) logically implies

(3) Catholics are more rational than people who follow PUA theory.

Your words. It's simply inane considering how bad religion would fail in a few minutes of scientific cross-examination vs PUA theory, for what it's worth, Pick-up is at the very least self-consistent, if not totally morally defensible UNLIKE many aspects of religion.

If you write carelessly and want to take back stuff later, it's OK but openly say so.
Seems like you realize you didn't mean what you said, then you are getting upset
and making further comments you won't be able to defend a few posts down the line.

If you don't want to be seen as advocating Roman Catholicism, then don't advocate it, it's that simple really.

 

[zekko]

If you write carelessly and want to take back stuff later, it's OK but openly say so.

I meant everything I've said in this thread, and I take nothing back.
Obviously you are only interested in twisting what I've said. I don't think you can possibly be this dense, so it must be intentional. I'm done with this.
Enjoy your discussion.

 

[Boilermaker]

I meant everything I've said in this thread, and I take nothing back.
Obviously you are only interested in twisting what I've said. I don't think you can possibly be this dense, so it must be intentional. I'm done with this.
Enjoy your discussion.

You take nothing back; yet you have nothing to say at this point either.

Pleading the fifth doesn't resolve glaring inconsistencies unfortunately.

I have seen, once more, that your dislike of PUA community is mostly based on your feelings of a conventionalist view that says what's right and what's wrong.

Some religion is in the mix as well ... Considering all that, I do not expect you to understand PUAs or learn anything from them.

On another note:

I am not dense, I just have no other way of understanding your thoughts other than reading what you write and responding to it. This is internet,

hello?

I did not twist your words, at all . . .

Maybe you made a bad job in conveying your actual thoughts. You are not the Pope so you are not infallible you know,

 

[C-quenced]

The urge to **** other women will never go away. You can marry the most attractive woman you could possibly find and for one reason or another something will trigger you into wanting to **** strange women that are only half as attractive as the woman you're married to. That's just a reality of life.

Unfortunately, most men that are tied down to one woman don't have the luxury of just being men and trying out other women. It's very difficult to only **** one woman for the rest of your entire life (no matter how beautiful) when you have tons of women with pretty faces walking around with voluptuous asses in yoga pants. In that case what do you expect A MAN to do? Practice "self control"? L. O. L.

 

[Zunder]

Hi guys I've been in a relationship for a couple months now and it's great, problem is I've been getting more attention from girls now. Must be their innate competition wanting to win me over my gf.

Well my biological need to f*ck as many girls as possible seems to take over often and I find myself fighting the temptation but it's tough.

Also being in a relationship somehow makes most other women more attractive even the ones I would have dismissed when single.

Any tips?

Fuk 'em all and enjoy every minute of it. You and your girlfriend won't last, and you will then look back and wonder why you didn't fuk 'em all, so - fuk 'em all, and hope the roulette spin falls your way and your dik don't drop off with an std. :rockon:

 

[Colossus]

Some good responses here. I actually read backbreaker's ENTIRE post for the first time in my life, and......agree with him.

All kidding aside, I think it is true that once a man has had his "fill" and found a great girl, the urge to cheat significantly diminishes. And if you STILL have it----I think you are either with the WRONG girl, or you still think there is a pot of gold at the end of the pvssy rainbow.

With my last 2 LTRs I thought about cheating CONSTANTLY. Not like I wanted to actively make it happen, but I looked at every decent looking pair of t!ts or legs that walked by and wondered what they may feel like. The truth is I just wasnt satisfied with the girls I was with. They were pretty in their own way, but there were aspects of their body that did not satisfy me and I never got over it. Part of it too was that I still felt like I had some variety left to experience.

It's different for every guy, but for me after my lay count hit the 30's I was just kinda over it. The differences from girl to girl were not compelling enough for me to warrant going through the hassle of dating. I find most women so fvcking annoying that the cost to benefit ratio was just not worth it.

Now I am 100% sexually satisfied but do I still look at other women?? Sure, just not to the extent that I actively desire to fvck them. I could find a girl with bigger boobs or whatever, but in no way, shape, or form would that be a worthy exchange for the attributes my girl has. That's not to be boastful, it's just the truth. Like BB said once you have sampled enough flavors you just find the one you like and stick with it.

 

[AmIAFC]

The desire to cheat rises and falls in direct proportion to the state of affairs in your relationship.

My girlfriend, for example, is beautiful, loving, and considerate. I am attracted to her both physically and mentally. I would not risk losing all of that for a random lottery ticket that is more likely to hit none of the numbers than all of them. Even a fling isn't worth it for me, because my mental and emotional attraction to my GF easily overshadow the temporary benefits of new pu**y and the potential risks/headaches that come with it.

However, let's say my GF conducts herself in a manner that is displeasing and unattractive to me. By doing so, she effectively removes a single barrier out of the many that act as a disincentive agent for cheating. The more her quality plummets, the more barriers are removed until cheating becomes an inevitability.

So it's all a matter of incentive. Are the incentives to being faithful greater than the incentives related to cheating? That's a question you must ask yourself.

 

[SanDog11]

It's not possible to get past the urge. But the more you love her and the more she fulfills your needs then the less you need or seek the attention of other women.

When your relationship is not fulfilling you, and your constantly seeking the other side, then you are not with the right girl.

 

[backbreaker]

like i was in the gym today and there was this girl, she couldn't have been over 20, an obvious athlete. about 5'5, about 115, rock solid body. tone, firm, the whole bit. If I were single, I would without question shoot at her she's a legit 8.5-9. but while I think she's pretty, I don't look at her in a lustful / i want to **** her manner. She's a pretty girl. I've slept with athletic girls before. **** my wife is pretty athletic / tone / fit. She has nothing I haven't had before.


THe "urge" comes from thinking that you're going to get something you're 1. not getting 2. haven't had or 3. is better than antyhing you'v ehad before.

 

[bongo]

Similar situation here, except I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years, makes it a little more complicated. She is very high value, does everything possible to make me feel good, very patient and smart. Similar musical tastes ( important to me ). Physically she's not the type I would normally go for, but she can still turn me on naked, she's not bad looking. She is really my best friend. The first couple months went by smoothly, but for the last 1.5 years I've been dealing with a LOT of urges to fvck more women in my life.


Don't wait too long to decide where you wanna go with this. The longer you stay, the more comfortable and involved you get. Should have thought long and hard before agreeing on exclusivity.

You're gonna have to meditate about this, do some soul searching. How do you stand in life at the moment? Do you feel that you've experienced enough women? What value does your girlfriend have in your life, is she high value? You can't know that in just a couple of months, but you should have a good idea.

Best of luck

 

[LiveFreeX]

Any tips?

Willpower, you gotta develop it.

 

[Rave18]

The second link in my signature. Read the book, if you feel like it.