ION,
you have to realoze that what you are 'protecting' now is not worth protecting.
The life you live now is not fulfilling and happy.
Thus, if we use logic, there is no valid reason for you to keep supporting this unhealthy lifestyle.
Since you are too afraid to 'lose' something, you do not venture out of your Comfort Zone, thus keeping you where you are.
But what youre missing out on is much better than what you have now.
By staying in your comfort zone you are sacrificing growth and experience.
You can only relate to past negative expereinces, and your own perception filter YOU HAVE CREATED in your mind, and are NOT creating NEW experiences.
Since you are not creating new experiences, you are constantly reflecitng back on negative ones as your entire world outlook. So of course, you assume that the world out there is the SAME as what you have created in your mind.
You have created your own Prison.
You come here crying to be let free.
But you dont realize is that YOURE THE ONE WHO HAS LOCKED THE DOOR AND HAS THE KEY.
Even though you think youre protecting yourself from harm, you are HARMING YOURSELF worse than you realize.
At this point in time I have to recommend that you go seek a therapist.
YOU NEED COUNSELING.
Get off the internet and go ask for help from a professional.
Sorry.
We're done here.
We cannot help you anymore than this.
GO and get help.