I'm REALLY into a girl..and everything she does effects me. Need advice..no AFC

[shark]

She's my girlfreind of almost 3-4 months now. She's my first ltr and I love her. In a place/school where there are few nice, pretty girls I feel lucky to have her.

Now, if you ask ANYONE...or her she will say that she loves me and that she probably loves me more. I don't show my AFC'ness and call her a lot and act needy. In fact, it would seem to one that she's like the needy, AFC and i'm just OK with or w/out her.

I even had a talk w/ her last night. We spoke about how much we love eachother but still I came out and said that I can always get over her and get another girl, but I just didn't want that so we were fine.

Now, w/e she does..or says effects me so much. If she acts cold towards me which she doesn't really but everyone has there days, i feel very upset.

I'm a goodlooking, funny, outgoing guy but i feel so caught up with her and idk what i'd do if we were to end things. I just want to get my head stright so I don;t have to deal with the pain incase something DID happend.

I feel like a AFC in the inside, but more of a DJ on the outside.

 

[snintel]

There's nothing wrong about loving a girl. The question is, is she the right one to be emotionally investing yourself in? On top of that, you can still isolate your emotions to where if she did leave, you wouldn't get depressed and feel empty. Basically, what I'm saying is she shouldn't become 100% of your life. Don't listen tot he guys here who are you going to call outo your oneitis... because if she's the right one, then it's not.

 

[frivolousz21]

your in love.

this is what happens...

if she feels the same things will be FINE


dotn be afraid to show her how you feel.


jsut dont be needy!

you do need her in soem ways..figure it out....and be open with her.

 

[frivolousz21]

There's nothing wrong about loving a girl. The question is, is she the right one to be emotionally investing yourself in? On top of that, you can still isolate your emotions to where if she did leave, you wouldn't get depressed and feel empty. Basically, what I'm saying is she shouldn't become 100% of your life. Don't listen tot he guys here who are you going to call outo your oneitis... because if she's the right one, then it's not.

investment!

exactly...if she is someone who you coudl be with for a long time..and she feels the same..its worth takign the risk..try to reax and have fun

 

[Kitsune]

Hmm.... I've been getting that lately, me and my gf have been together for almost 9 months now.

It is the shock factor which is partly to blame for the upset, because basically she becomes someone that isn't sweet, caring and head over heels in love with you. The first subconscious reaction that your brain gives will be "She's not satisfied with me" and that's what gets you upset.

My advice would be to keep going and see if she gives you the cold shoulder again then do talk to her, make her feel that even when she's upset, she doesn't need to shut herself up and be anti-social.

 

[shark]

Well, I'm a high school Junior. The only negitives about her is like her family life isn't great...and she'll do stupid things somtimes that hurt herself (not too serious, but not cool) However, since I've been with her she hasn't done it and has been happy and good. I do know she loves attention though and this is not something I love. Basically her bad (not great, not the worst though) family life, some bad past events (not TOO bad) and her need for attention (or so it seems) is her negitives. Other then that, it's all good. Perhaps she isn't someone that great to invest all this love into, but I'm not marrying her..were JUNIORS IN H.S. so i think i should just relax a little bit more..

 

[Kitsune]

Good idea, just keep that in mind always so you know that you have a safety net when you fall.

 

[shark]

yah..idk why im acting like this. oh man

 

[squirrels]

Make her happy because YOU want to, not because SHE wants you to. And trust YOUR judgement, not hers.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by shark
Well, I'm a high school Junior. The only negitives about her is like her family life isn't great...and she'll do stupid things somtimes that hurt herself (not too serious, but not cool) However, since I've been with her she hasn't done it and has been happy and good. I do know she loves attention though and this is not something I love. Basically her bad (not great, not the worst though) family life, some bad past events (not TOO bad) and her need for attention (or so it seems) is her negitives. Other then that, it's all good. Perhaps she isn't someone that great to invest all this love into, but I'm not marrying her..were JUNIORS IN H.S. so i think i should just relax a little bit more..

You cannot "love her" or "be in love" after dating for such a short amount of time!!! I had a long conversation with another DJ from these boards yesterday and we discussing this very topic. Lots of guys who are in there first serious LTR confuse infatuation with love. There's a big difference!!!

Lastly the fact that you say she has:

-troubled family: HUGE RED FLAG
-has done thing to hurt herself in the past: ANOTHER HUGE FLAG
-is an attention w-hore: ANOTHER BIG BAD SIGN

Shows that she's not worth thinking about at all. Your young, have fun and keep it light, don't waste your high school years being hung up on what looks to be a psycho head case.




PIMP

 

[shark]

Any tips on just taking my IL or what I think to be love but isn't...down a notch? I like her A LOT and don't want to end it, i just want to be able to move on easily if I do have to next her or vice versa...

 

[snintel]

I didn't know you're just a junior in HS. lol. you are NOT in love. you aren't old enough to know what it is and when you're in it. it's just hormones..... especially when you're both just teenagers.. every month of your life it's like you're a new different person..

 

[shark]

This is the first person I have ever really LIKED this much. b/c i everything she does and says effects me, and how much i care for her i call it love. It easily can be just me likeing her alot b/c it is my first real girlfriend..i'm used to just hookups w/ no feelings involved.

How do i get rid of this feeling?

 

[Sloopy]

First of all - it can be love. There are different varieties of love. I "loved" my first girlfriend after not very long too. We dated for 2 years and six years later I still think about her from time to time.

Second, just because she has a bad family life and has some self esteem issues should not be reason for you to high tail it to the next town. She is young and immature. She may very well grow out of it. Many of my friends grew up in broken or abusive homes and they are some of the most wonderful people I know. Lastly, I don't know why you would want to get rid of this feeling. The real trick is to keep yourself feeling that way and keep her feeling it too. If you are not feeling that infatuation/love/affection in the relationship then what is the point of even having one?

Enjoy your time with her and let her know you enjoy it but don't let it get away from you. Don't become needy or clingy but do be affectionate and loving. That is what will make your relationship grow.

~Sloopy