"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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I'm part of the problem now you guys.

Warrior74

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So I've started producing commercials. Let me tell you something, now that I've started writing and producing, I find that if I write with a eye towards the female imperative, I get a better result. My last commercial which I finished yesterday was about how a man is working hard on his business to make his wife happy. Eventually he earns more money and she's all in luuuv! Everyone loved it. The client, the clients wife, the tv station and my boss.

My next spot is about about a lazy man won't fix his air conditioner and the wife has to hire company x. Pretty generic sh|t as far as TV goes. My first suggestion was about how the husband is busy on the go, the wife is busy with the kids and company X is here to help you fill in the gaps. The owner and my boss thought it would be better to make it humorous.

The point is, nobody really takes this sort of stuff seriously. I can't wait to pitch some ideas about a the stupid wife, or the clumsy wife or the bumbling ineffective wife. Maybe I can make them kitschy or about hipster girls and get away with it. Zooey Deschanel style.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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PrettyBoyAJ

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Business is all about making money. If you want to be successful in business you got to stick with what will get the most profits. Targeting a female audience is the best way! Pander to the female and get your money dude. Commercials is one of the biggest industries and most profitable industry in Television. Do what you got to do to survive.
 

Iceberg

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Warrior74 said:
My next spot is about about a lazy man won't fix his air conditioner and the wife has to hire company x. Pretty generic sh|t as far as TV goes. My first suggestion was about how the husband is busy on the go, the wife is busy with the kids and company X is here to help you fill in the gaps. The owner and my boss thought it would be better to make it humorous.

The point is, nobody really takes this sort of stuff seriously. I can't wait to pitch some ideas about a the stupid wife, or the clumsy wife or the bumbling ineffective wife. Maybe I can make them kitschy or about hipster girls and get away with it. Zooey Deschanel style.
I've been a copywriter for advertising agencies for the past 8 years or so.

And yeah, when you're making a commercial geared towards a home-oriented product that can be used by males or females, the easiest way to get results is to gear it towards the woman. They're the ones who are out shopping and sh!t.

And as far as writing a character as a bumbling, lazy, clumsy wife....In theory, that would be funny to us guys in Sosuave. But here's the reality...women aren't funny. As actors. As comedians. As people. They're just not funny. They try...and we humor them. But they're just not as funny as we are.

It's SO MUCH easier to write about a lazy, clumsy man because the actor will be much more likeable. Even as a lazy, stupid character, the viewer will LIKE the male 100x more than a female portraying the same type of character. And that's not just because we're a feminized, politically correct society, etc, etc...It's because, god love 'em, women just aren't funny. And when they try to play funny characters, they end up annoying both women AND men.

Trust me. I've sat through casting sessions of females for comedy roles in my commercials..and they're just f**king annoying. I'm making a generalization, of course, there are funny female characters in the world. But they're few and far between. Peggy Bundy was a funny female character...but for every Peggy Bundy there are 2,000 Kathy Griffins. And no one wants to see that sh!t on their TV.
 

Warrior74

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Iceberg said:
Peggy Bundy was a funny female character...but for every Peggy Bundy there are 2,000 Kathy Griffins. And no one wants to see that sh!t on their TV.

I almost spit my coffee out. That's my first laugh of the day. I hate Kathy Griffin. I hear you loud and clear Iceberg.
 

Burroughs

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Women's minds and actions always turn to provisioning. This is their natural proclivity hardwired into their brains...so it is only natural that all campaigns predicated on material success would pander to them.

Women are inherently transactional in their social interaction and are easily swayed through emotional memes, advertising in this regard.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Colossus

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Iceberg said:
Trust me. I've sat through casting sessions of females for comedy roles in my commercials..and they're just f**king annoying. I'm making a generalization, of course, there are funny female characters in the world. But they're few and far between. Peggy Bundy was a funny female character...but for every Peggy Bundy there are 2,000 Kathy Griffins. And no one wants to see that sh!t on their TV.
LOL!!! :crackup:
 

Jitterbug

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That's alright, Warrior. We will reserve the most comfy spot on the wall for you when the revolution comes!
 

Down Low

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Burroughs said:
Women's minds and actions always turn to provisioning. This is their natural proclivity hardwired into their brains...so it is only natural that all campaigns predicated on material success would pander to them.

Women are inherently transactional in their social interaction and are easily swayed through emotional memes, advertising in this regard.
fast forward to 5:40 and that's the thinking of any ghetto street punk (note his white boy punk c0cksucker echo)
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Iceberg

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Warrior74 said:
How is this relevant?
Down Low is borderline psychotic. Don't ask him questions. Just smile and nod.
 
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