latenights
New Member
Hey all. This summer I had a weird situation with a girl I liked.
--
Red flags:
- daddy issues (he left/was expelled from family in junior school; she feels herself "a whоrе" accepting his help; wants to be "a strict mother like hers own", become a boss of smth in career) -- and her closest female friends have the same problem;
- she said she has low self-esteem; worried her friends don't value her... If I would join her mood -- the whole day would became a whimpy dialogue about problems with friends; fortunately, few jokes, change of subject to something easier and she continued a cheerful dialogue where I spoke 30% and she 70%;
- shaky unnatural behavior -- she tends to look funny and cheerful but complaints a lot; when we walked in winter, she complainted at her female friends, mockingly casually insulted one our pal; herewith she tries to make a public image of a kind moral person;
- broke first relationships saying to BF "You're feeling bad cause of me", cut her hands;
- our common friends call her "a hiding hysterical".
--
We're 18 y. o., know each other from school, but rarely talked. We had mutual sympathy years ago, but then the situation hesitated due to my lifelessness.
This winter we spent few days together on event of our common pals where I noticed my interest to her. I asked my friend to help me. He organized a company walk & faked he got troubles (ridiculously obvious plan, but I was faced a fact only when I met with her), so I spent a whole day with her & an evening in company. We had easy talks at funny/sad, family/life plans themes etc (such a simple deeping of convo looked strange for me -- we've talked twice a year & never been friends). Also she mentioned that years ago I was an evil person, don't know the reason. I noticed she became suspicious about friend's "troubles", but she stayed easy about that and conversation continued well. Although I was absolutely oneitis felt in love, it's a paradox but I talked with her in estranged, calm-positive evaluating mood with barely sexual feelings -- she also confusedly started a talk that her mom jokingly advices her to start a sexual life, asked me do I speak about it with my parents, lol. Apparently if she was "busy" when I asked her out -- she spoke with me about it thinking that I want to befriend with her?
We spent an evening in a company of friends, she became gloomy. When I was returning home, I got a call from an unknown number -- it was her (she asked my number from our friend) asking me to call back when I come home. OK. I also called her for a walk -- based upon a nervous voice, she expected it, but answered she's busy. Next day pal wrote me she said in passing that she has a boyfriend. Clear hint, closed case.
Few times this girl called me to a company via this common friend, asked me to walk with them more often, wrote me worried messages do I have returned home -- probably she was motivated to make me a "friend" giving her free attention? Nah... I never wanted this.
Month later we met again, she behaved timidly-sad & anxious. I noticed her keeping silent & closely hiding listening to my dialogs with somebody and, all of a sudden, entered these conversations with commentaries & awkard chuckling; or lonely walking at 15 m distance from anyone including her female friends, stopping and briefly looked back at me & my friend. She lonely left home ahead of the rest company.
--
4 months later we met at planned event of our common friends. She put on an open dress, played hairs & accessories + demonstrated thigs/legs with shoes removed while her female friend furtively watched me the whole day (and later called me an 'ill psycho' for a joke that was not told to her at all, but to guys who laughed at it), playfully laughed and shyly withdrawing eyes at my drunk trite jokes; her eyes sparkled, she was childishy carefree and vibrant, left her female friends and a party to follow me when I had to fix one problem.
Near the end of a meeting I became aloof and slow due to alcohol effect. She became sad. When I realized she's looking at me and I looked back at her with a questionable view, she moved a glance at window within 2-3 seconds. She made me a sad compliment, that downplaying herself, about something I did what she cannot. Later on our company was silently walking to another place. Then she, all of a sudden, loudly gibbered a story about a guy interested in her, how she rejected him and the phrase from title of thread -- so nervous that she got a lump in the throat in the end of speech. I thought I got drunk hallucinations, so weird it seemed, but she has a habit to do emotional outbursts -- for example, she checked a sore subject how "her friend values her" with an eccentric thing like this & blaming this friend "not valuing her feelings" such way that he didn't understand why she's so angrily sad. No discussion was before and no one of her female friends answered something. After she showed IOIs I mentioned before.
She was nervous when we were biding a farewell. She was looking down and asked rhetorical questions (where am I going to etc.), made a little convo. Now I understand I could do something then, but all my thoughts were about an upcoming hangover -- thoughts that she might be interested showed up only when I've sobered up.
Few days later I wrote her, we had a small-talk & I called her to go for a walk. All days hurry, but "We'll meet necessarily!"... Meet in a company of friends, where she invited me through a common pal. I was surprised by her presence & perceived it like a reject, so I spent a day having fun with my pals and no interest for future contacts with her. She walked aside, had troubles joining common conversations. Sometimes I noticed her anxiously looking at me. Near the end of a day she deeply breathed as loud that I could hear it from 3-5 meters, or making out of place commentaries (I: "So pity that earlier I didn't like to spend time with you all"; she: "Too late"... suggest she was thinking about our years ago sympathy? At least, my gut felt so when I heard it). I stayed neutral and didn't see a reason for her to be such nervous. As I understand now, it'd be better to do nothing with her after this day, but...
2-3 days I chewed on this situation and, due to these reccurent stranges, wrote her "hi", noticed anxious behavior and asked about its reasons. "Hi, all ok, thanks". Here I ridiciously fuсkеd up: proposed to meet cause of a bit innuendo between us, asked about this strange performance at meeting... "It's nothing)) Joke, sorry. And in general I completely don't remember that I said it". With so many IOIs I got this "))". My fragile ego felt hurt, I became impulsively angered, perceiving it as a considered taunt, and casually reminded who got a rejection years ago & was nervous first. She answered: "I weakly understand what you're writing about, but I hope there're no more innuendos". Closed case.
Few days later, by chance, I met with one of her female friend in a common company: after she noticed me, she stopped a dialogue, repeatedly gloomy/cautiously glanced at me and look away.
A month later both of us were invited to a company walk. When I came and my pal let her know that I was invited too, she became busy and decided not to come to us. An hour later me and my friend accidentally met her walking in company of her closest female friends. I said "hi" and greeted her with a smirk & waved a hand. She noded twitchly with a fast tensional smile and silently waved a hand, avoided eye contact. Other girls ignored us.
Later she decided to join us. We hugged, joked etc. She said her female friend was scared of us, reminisced some old-days sad stories. Other guys gave her extremely attention -- she has enough female friends, but likes to spend time in clearly menlish companies where she gets eulogizing due to her 8/10 looks & friendly behavior -- I stayed polite but neutral. She mentioned a guy interested in her, how he looks for her attention and calls her out, how he's doing some weird things for her. When she had no attention, she silently trailed behind or in front of us too fast (we were nearly to start running). When I spoke with my pal about a theme she could be nervous about (as I realized later), she just stopped and imitated she's correcting shoes, we noticed it later; she returned with an askew chuckle on her face. Later we all spoke about one our fellow's problems with control of agression & his hungry for attention; she made a long commentary comparing his behavior with how boys and girls can express interest to each other via doing hurting things; her tone was slow, awkward. When we came to her aps' porch, I bided a farewell sooner. She thanked us for a walk with depressed voice, avoiding eye contact. My effeminated pal answered rapturously "No, we should thank you!"... Wtf. As I mentioned before, all guys of her company behave such way. I said "bye", we hugged and I went home.
--
I think she wanted to get validation because it looks like she's overly addicted to male "friends" attention and has low self-esteem (how could it be with 8/10 looks? Absolutely all guys liked her in different times. Probably cause of daddy issues and an angry mom -- she looked fearly when spoke with her via phone?) And if I could had some relationships with her, they would end with her drama -- as written in "Practical Female Psychology...".
Thanks to this forum and Rollo Tomassi's book, I've already found and corrected some mistakes:
- AFC, one-it-is;
- aimless bore life;
- lost self-control (overdrunked);
- too effeminated mindset;
- cringe "important serious talks" & few times I was emotionally open.
Your thoughts & advices about my & hers behavior? My mistakes in addition to the above? Of course I won't write her or something like that, but I think I can explore something useful for next girls.
--
Red flags:
- daddy issues (he left/was expelled from family in junior school; she feels herself "a whоrе" accepting his help; wants to be "a strict mother like hers own", become a boss of smth in career) -- and her closest female friends have the same problem;
- she said she has low self-esteem; worried her friends don't value her... If I would join her mood -- the whole day would became a whimpy dialogue about problems with friends; fortunately, few jokes, change of subject to something easier and she continued a cheerful dialogue where I spoke 30% and she 70%;
- shaky unnatural behavior -- she tends to look funny and cheerful but complaints a lot; when we walked in winter, she complainted at her female friends, mockingly casually insulted one our pal; herewith she tries to make a public image of a kind moral person;
- broke first relationships saying to BF "You're feeling bad cause of me", cut her hands;
- our common friends call her "a hiding hysterical".
--
We're 18 y. o., know each other from school, but rarely talked. We had mutual sympathy years ago, but then the situation hesitated due to my lifelessness.
This winter we spent few days together on event of our common pals where I noticed my interest to her. I asked my friend to help me. He organized a company walk & faked he got troubles (ridiculously obvious plan, but I was faced a fact only when I met with her), so I spent a whole day with her & an evening in company. We had easy talks at funny/sad, family/life plans themes etc (such a simple deeping of convo looked strange for me -- we've talked twice a year & never been friends). Also she mentioned that years ago I was an evil person, don't know the reason. I noticed she became suspicious about friend's "troubles", but she stayed easy about that and conversation continued well. Although I was absolutely oneitis felt in love, it's a paradox but I talked with her in estranged, calm-positive evaluating mood with barely sexual feelings -- she also confusedly started a talk that her mom jokingly advices her to start a sexual life, asked me do I speak about it with my parents, lol. Apparently if she was "busy" when I asked her out -- she spoke with me about it thinking that I want to befriend with her?
We spent an evening in a company of friends, she became gloomy. When I was returning home, I got a call from an unknown number -- it was her (she asked my number from our friend) asking me to call back when I come home. OK. I also called her for a walk -- based upon a nervous voice, she expected it, but answered she's busy. Next day pal wrote me she said in passing that she has a boyfriend. Clear hint, closed case.
Few times this girl called me to a company via this common friend, asked me to walk with them more often, wrote me worried messages do I have returned home -- probably she was motivated to make me a "friend" giving her free attention? Nah... I never wanted this.
Month later we met again, she behaved timidly-sad & anxious. I noticed her keeping silent & closely hiding listening to my dialogs with somebody and, all of a sudden, entered these conversations with commentaries & awkard chuckling; or lonely walking at 15 m distance from anyone including her female friends, stopping and briefly looked back at me & my friend. She lonely left home ahead of the rest company.
--
4 months later we met at planned event of our common friends. She put on an open dress, played hairs & accessories + demonstrated thigs/legs with shoes removed while her female friend furtively watched me the whole day (and later called me an 'ill psycho' for a joke that was not told to her at all, but to guys who laughed at it), playfully laughed and shyly withdrawing eyes at my drunk trite jokes; her eyes sparkled, she was childishy carefree and vibrant, left her female friends and a party to follow me when I had to fix one problem.
Near the end of a meeting I became aloof and slow due to alcohol effect. She became sad. When I realized she's looking at me and I looked back at her with a questionable view, she moved a glance at window within 2-3 seconds. She made me a sad compliment, that downplaying herself, about something I did what she cannot. Later on our company was silently walking to another place. Then she, all of a sudden, loudly gibbered a story about a guy interested in her, how she rejected him and the phrase from title of thread -- so nervous that she got a lump in the throat in the end of speech. I thought I got drunk hallucinations, so weird it seemed, but she has a habit to do emotional outbursts -- for example, she checked a sore subject how "her friend values her" with an eccentric thing like this & blaming this friend "not valuing her feelings" such way that he didn't understand why she's so angrily sad. No discussion was before and no one of her female friends answered something. After she showed IOIs I mentioned before.
She was nervous when we were biding a farewell. She was looking down and asked rhetorical questions (where am I going to etc.), made a little convo. Now I understand I could do something then, but all my thoughts were about an upcoming hangover -- thoughts that she might be interested showed up only when I've sobered up.
Few days later I wrote her, we had a small-talk & I called her to go for a walk. All days hurry, but "We'll meet necessarily!"... Meet in a company of friends, where she invited me through a common pal. I was surprised by her presence & perceived it like a reject, so I spent a day having fun with my pals and no interest for future contacts with her. She walked aside, had troubles joining common conversations. Sometimes I noticed her anxiously looking at me. Near the end of a day she deeply breathed as loud that I could hear it from 3-5 meters, or making out of place commentaries (I: "So pity that earlier I didn't like to spend time with you all"; she: "Too late"... suggest she was thinking about our years ago sympathy? At least, my gut felt so when I heard it). I stayed neutral and didn't see a reason for her to be such nervous. As I understand now, it'd be better to do nothing with her after this day, but...
2-3 days I chewed on this situation and, due to these reccurent stranges, wrote her "hi", noticed anxious behavior and asked about its reasons. "Hi, all ok, thanks". Here I ridiciously fuсkеd up: proposed to meet cause of a bit innuendo between us, asked about this strange performance at meeting... "It's nothing)) Joke, sorry. And in general I completely don't remember that I said it". With so many IOIs I got this "))". My fragile ego felt hurt, I became impulsively angered, perceiving it as a considered taunt, and casually reminded who got a rejection years ago & was nervous first. She answered: "I weakly understand what you're writing about, but I hope there're no more innuendos". Closed case.
Few days later, by chance, I met with one of her female friend in a common company: after she noticed me, she stopped a dialogue, repeatedly gloomy/cautiously glanced at me and look away.
A month later both of us were invited to a company walk. When I came and my pal let her know that I was invited too, she became busy and decided not to come to us. An hour later me and my friend accidentally met her walking in company of her closest female friends. I said "hi" and greeted her with a smirk & waved a hand. She noded twitchly with a fast tensional smile and silently waved a hand, avoided eye contact. Other girls ignored us.
Later she decided to join us. We hugged, joked etc. She said her female friend was scared of us, reminisced some old-days sad stories. Other guys gave her extremely attention -- she has enough female friends, but likes to spend time in clearly menlish companies where she gets eulogizing due to her 8/10 looks & friendly behavior -- I stayed polite but neutral. She mentioned a guy interested in her, how he looks for her attention and calls her out, how he's doing some weird things for her. When she had no attention, she silently trailed behind or in front of us too fast (we were nearly to start running). When I spoke with my pal about a theme she could be nervous about (as I realized later), she just stopped and imitated she's correcting shoes, we noticed it later; she returned with an askew chuckle on her face. Later we all spoke about one our fellow's problems with control of agression & his hungry for attention; she made a long commentary comparing his behavior with how boys and girls can express interest to each other via doing hurting things; her tone was slow, awkward. When we came to her aps' porch, I bided a farewell sooner. She thanked us for a walk with depressed voice, avoiding eye contact. My effeminated pal answered rapturously "No, we should thank you!"... Wtf. As I mentioned before, all guys of her company behave such way. I said "bye", we hugged and I went home.
--
I think she wanted to get validation because it looks like she's overly addicted to male "friends" attention and has low self-esteem (how could it be with 8/10 looks? Absolutely all guys liked her in different times. Probably cause of daddy issues and an angry mom -- she looked fearly when spoke with her via phone?) And if I could had some relationships with her, they would end with her drama -- as written in "Practical Female Psychology...".
Thanks to this forum and Rollo Tomassi's book, I've already found and corrected some mistakes:
- AFC, one-it-is;
- aimless bore life;
- lost self-control (overdrunked);
- too effeminated mindset;
- cringe "important serious talks" & few times I was emotionally open.
Your thoughts & advices about my & hers behavior? My mistakes in addition to the above? Of course I won't write her or something like that, but I think I can explore something useful for next girls.
