"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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I'm going to send my girl a christmas poem what do you think?

Spartibus

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Aiyyo.. c'mere girl, gimme a kiss
Tell the truth, you know you like hangin with Spartibus
I know you can't commit but at least try a sample
Who knows, I might be too much man to handle
If I'm attracted to you, I'ma make a long pass at you
Come after you and capture you
Put a platinum GPS bangle around ya ankle
To keep track of you incase I decide to marry you
We can be friends till death do us part
Kiss ya left breast cuz it's next to ya heart
Don't be a mermaid, open up ya legs
If you can't spread eagle, just gimme some head
Whatever the outcome, I just wanna come
Beat it up real good, bust one and run
I believe in abstenence, just not tonight
I can't help myself you look hot tonight

I'm not a playboy, I'm a hustler, wait till I touch ya
I'ma do somethin to getchu "burnin" from my Bunson
****oris rubbin, sperm pumpin, nerve numbin, humpin in public
The whole world could probably hear you cummin
The way I grab your pumpkin, caress your dumplings
I ain't never leave me girl, so stop frontin
You never wanted a Yes man, you wanted and Arabesque man
With biceps and a chest imprint
Not a skeleton with hardly any skin
I know it's irrelevant but his penis is probably very thin
I'm hung like the trunk of an elephant
Or the trunk of the tree the serpent wrapped around in Genesis
with the same devilish melevolence
Tryin to get you to bite in the food, I injected with seditives
How many orgasms have you had already?
Let's have a shag-a-thon; tell me when you past twenty
When I introduce you to Grand Marye, act friendly
She'll get envious if I ever rub your ass gently
Tonight I'm being a pimp baby,
Invite a couple friends, I'll reserve ten seats
After we eat, we can check a couple spots tonight
Gimme kiss, you look hot tonight
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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ryannath

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^^^Is this a joke. Give her this poem and go get you some KY Jelly cause you will be needing it after she reads it.
 

Spartibus

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ryannath said:
^^^Is this a joke. Give her this poem and go get you some KY Jelly cause you will be needing it after she reads it.
I already emailed it to her.
 

KarmaSutra

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Spartibus said:
Kiss ya left breast cuz it's next to ya heart
Don't be a mermaid, open up ya legs
If you can't spread eagle, just gimme some head
Whatever the outcome, I just wanna come
Beat it up real good, bust one and run
I believe in abstenence, just not tonight
I can't help myself you look hot tonight

This is poetry P-dildo would be proud to sample!
 

Spartibus

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KarmaSutra said:
This is poetry P-dildo would be proud to sample!

Hey it's better than Roses are Red violets are blue. If she doesn't like it, who cares.
 

“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”

You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.

I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.

Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.

These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

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insanity

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i laughed. if it's real then i can see her laughing too that you aren't being all uptight and serious.

originality is cool
 

KillaCam

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That's some funny stuff, props. Taking the piss is incredibly underrated.

She's bound to have a giggle over that one. If not, her loss.
 

Scorched

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I wouldn't be caught dead making/writing my girl stuff...
It'd just give her power and she'd prolly abuse it...
I keep my b*tch on lock...

Although when I was 17 I did crap like that, I won't lie... haha
 

Spartibus

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Scorched said:
I wouldn't be caught dead making/writing my girl stuff...
It'd just give her power and she'd prolly abuse it...
I keep my b*tch on lock...

Although when I was 17 I did crap like that, I won't lie... haha

hey bro.. this isn't some "lovey dovey" crap like you probably wrote when you were a kid.. this is supposed to make her laugh...my poem only gives her the power to come and f-ck me.
 

Scorched

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No dude, it is more about the time you are taking out of your day to do something FOR HER.

Maybe it is okay in your case, I don't know your relationship, but its just afc behavior to me...
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Spartibus

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Scorched said:
No dude, it is more about the time you are taking out of your day to do something FOR HER.

Maybe it is okay in your case, I don't know your relationship, but its just afc behavior to me...

There's nothing wrong with writing to a girl. Unless you can't write.
 

KillaCam

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Scorched said:
No dude, it is more about the time you are taking out of your day to do something FOR HER.

Maybe it is okay in your case, I don't know your relationship, but its just afc behavior to me...
Oh dear lord, I did not just read that.

What the hell happened to having some bloody fun these days?

He had fun writing it. She's gonna have fun reading it. But all that is negated because it's suddenly AFC behaviour to want to make a joke?

Oh no, the AFC alarm is going off! Someone did something for a girl! What DJ commandment did that break? Thou shalt not take the fvcking piss and have a bit of fun?

No wonder the next generation of DJ's is lagging behind severely, people are too busy swearing by the DJ Bible and these imaginary rules, rather than bloody well enjoying themselves.
 
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Spartibus said:
... I'ma make a long pass at you
Come after you and capture you
Put a platinum GPS bangle around ya ankle
To keep track of you incase I decide to marry you
Yeah, it's cool but the only change I would recommend is in blue...

I'ma make a long pass at you
Come after you and capture you
Put a platinum GPS bangle around ya ankle
To keep track of you incase I decide to KILL you.

I know it changes the tone of the poem just a tad bit but it fits in better with the lines above it and it lets her know who the man is!! :rolleyes:
 
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