I'm afraid to have a relationship with someone because of my inexperience.

[nelysses]

I met a girl on holiday. Even though it wasn't good at first, we got better over time. We were about to start getting a little closer when I realized I was afraid. I was afraid of doing something wrong.
For years, when I only masturbated, premature ejaculation was not a problem. It was just me and my hand
But not so here. I withdrew because premature ejaculation and inexperience came to my mind. And I never saw the girl again.

There was a chance to lose my virginity, but I sabotaged myself.
What can I do about this? I've noticed that I constantly hold myself back when I meet someone.

I have a girlfriend who is in a steady relationship. They were together for 4 years and had sex regularly, but they broke up.
I stopped and thought for a moment. A girl like this will come to me. He had a girlfriend for 4 years. They experienced everything. Maybe they had sex hundreds of times. But I'm still completely inexperienced. It really scared me.
It made me feel like I was inadequate. From what I know, first times always end in premature ejaculation.
Likewise, I experienced the same thing with another girl. We went on Date. I couldn't even get close to kiss the girl. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just scared like teenage girls.

 

[crowolf]

Stop being in your head, and be more in your body. Be natural. Things usually unfold in the best way possible (but some wine can help too).

The best thing to do in your position is to learn as much as you can about your escalation and everything else, and then just take small steps and progress, when opportunity arise. Feel stuff, take it easy, don't just think about what to do next. Have some idea of the steps, but also allow things to flow.

And stop watching porn. This is probably the root of 90% of your problems in this regard.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Everyone starts inexperienced.

 

[corrector]

I withdrew because premature ejaculation and inexperience came to my mind. And I never saw the girl again.

What do you mean by withdrew? How close did you get to this girl?

There was a chance to lose my virginity, but I sabotaged myself.
What can I do about this? I've noticed that I constantly hold myself back when I meet someone.

I have a girlfriend who is in a steady relationship. They were together for 4 years and had sex regularly, but they broke up.
I stopped and thought for a moment. A girl like this will come to me. He had a girlfriend for 4 years. They experienced everything. Maybe they had sex hundreds of times. But I'm still completely inexperienced. It really scared me.
It made me feel like I was inadequate. From what I know, first times always end in premature ejaculation.
Likewise, I experienced the same thing with another girl. We went on Date. I couldn't even get close to kiss the girl. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just scared like teenage girls.

ED is worst than premature ejaculation.

When you are in that moment, sometimes you just can't do it. Everything is 20/20 in hindsight once the moment is gone.

It wasn't your time to do that with that girl, that's all. There is nothing wrong with you. You can't force something like that.

When it's the right moment for you then you'll come around. Trust your instincts.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Being a virgin at twenty is 'late' but not weirdly so. Remaining a virgin past 25 is weird. So lose that virginity before you reach 25.

yup i've long heard that before

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Logically, how can you become experienced without going thru these experiences?

 

[BaronOfHair]

I have a girlfriend who is in a steady relationship

Being a straight guy with a girl who is a friend (as opposed to a GF)is almost certainly undercutting your capacity to think and behave like a lover

 

[corrector]

Being a straight guy with a girl who is a friend (as opposed to a GF)is almost certainly undercutting your capacity to think and behave like a lover

Any interaction (including friendship-based interactions) with the opposite sex is going to be net positive.

 

[inquisitor]

Everyone starts inexperienced.

True, and what helped me in the beginning is to simply feign confidence and belief that you deserve to have sex. Of course, it's not real yet, but it's a starting point for telling yourself that yes, you can have sex, and yes, they want to have sex with you. This becomes the experience that reassures you of what you can achieve.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Any interaction (including friendship-based interactions) with the opposite sex is going to be net positive.

With due respect: You're own posts here

Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet...

www.sosuave.net

Dictate otherwise

 

[corrector]

With due respect: You're own posts here

Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet...

www.sosuave.net

Dictate otherwise

What does that have to do with friendship issue discussed here? That was a warm approach in the office that did not work out. There is no friendzone or friendship with anyone there.

So you are saying that if someone gets rejected in a cold or warm approach they cant give advice? Dude, eveyone gets rejected. You never got rejected by a woman before? That is the dumbest thing I have heard. We are not even talking about rejection on this thread but you had to bring that up.

The OP is not rejected by his female friend who has a steady bf.

 

[BPH]

Just do it man...

When I lost my virginity I lasted probably like 2 minutes. Just get it over with so you know what to expect and can get better in the future.

When you're talking about not kissing the girl on your date I'm assuming it's because you didn't have the confidence to make a move because you're waiting for the "perfect moment". It doesn't exist. Create one.

 

[zekko]

If you want to get some experience, you're going to have to push through your fears and insecurities. It's the only way to get the experience you want.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What does that have to do with friendship issue discussed here? That was a warm approach in the office that did not work out. There is no friendzone or friendship with anyone there.

So you are saying that if someone gets rejected in a cold or warm approach they cant give advice? Dude, eveyone gets rejected. You never got rejected by a woman before? That is the dumbest thing I have heard. We are not even talking about rejection on this thread but you had to bring that up.

The OP is not rejected by his female friend who has a steady bf.

You wrote earlier on this thread "Any interaction with the opposite sex is a net-positive". Yet, the stories you've shared here at SS, such as

"Saw the lady again sitting next to the Tyrone. However, this time waa different. My heart was more towards the OF-girl most of the day (sent a long message yesterday). There was no upset like before. Even approached the lady to say hi (she did say hi back and sounded positive). The lunch was over so I had to tell her I was going to work. I did not do that the first time when I was fuming. I guess I have just resigned to the fate. I dont feel motivated to sit next to her as I dont see the purpose in doing so. I just had to make sure I went up to her and said hi rather than just leave. Just to feel I did not feel bad to not do that. I sent out a long email to that other OF girl and I just dont care too much here. The only way to beat a crush is sometimes to have another crush"

Indicate otherwise

 

[corrector]

You wrote earlier on this thread "Any interaction with the opposite sex is a net-positive". Yet, the stories you've shared here at SS, such as

"Saw the lady again sitting next to the Tyrone. However, this time waa different. My heart was more towards the OF-girl most of the day (sent a long message yesterday). There was no upset like before. Even approached the lady to say hi (she did say hi back and sounded positive). The lunch was over so I had to tell her I was going to work. I did not do that the first time when I was fuming. I guess I have just resigned to the fate. I dont feel motivated to sit next to her as I dont see the purpose in doing so. I just had to make sure I went up to her and said hi rather than just leave. Just to feel I did not feel bad to not do that. I sent out a long email to that other OF girl and I just dont care too much here. The only way to beat a crush is sometimes to have another crush"

Indicate otherwise

I would have indulged this post, but am going to refuse to do so at this time because I think the angle you are coming at is out of date. Also, I'm not communicating with the OF-girl referred to in that post. So if I had ceased communicating over two months then it's not something that I feel is fair to bring up on a post. Secondly, it did mention I approached her and said hi to her, and she said hi back (which was positive). However, I have not had any interaction or communication with her in well over a month or two. The frame of that post is actually more positive, compared to today, where there is a state of absolutely no communcation or eye-contact.

You took an earlier post out of a thread that does not reflect the social dynamics today.

If you look at later posts within that thread, then you'll see there has been absolutely no communication with that lady. There has been no eye-contact with that lady. I've also stopped communication with OF-girl (ie as indicated on another thread) for also a couple of month. Therefore, interactions have FLATLINED over a couple of months.

Therefore, the assertion that there has been interactions with the subject lady of this thread is over two to three months out of date and do not reflect any current social realities today. Next time you quote from a thread that started in March (ie or a few months back), have the intellectual honesty to look at the last posts and go backwards so at least it's not out of date or currently inaccurate.

For all intent and purposes, are are treating each other like exes.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Being a virgin at twenty is 'late' but not weirdly so. Remaining a virgin past 25 is weird. So lose that virginity before you reach 25.

in modern times, i think its becoming more common for men remain virgins past 25

 

[nelysses]

Stop being in your head, and be more in your body. Be natural. Things usually unfold in the best way possible (but some wine can help too).

The best thing to do in your position is to learn as much as you can about your escalation and everything else, and then just take small steps and progress, when opportunity arise. Feel stuff, take it easy, don't just think about what to do next. Have some idea of the steps, but also allow things to flow.

And stop watching porn. This is probably the root of 90% of your problems in this regard.

Maybe in America, but most men in Europe pop their cherry before 20.

Logically, how can you become experienced without going thru these experiences?

Everyone starts inexperienced.

With due respect: You're own posts here

Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet...

www.sosuave.net

Dictate otherwise

Just do it man...

When I lost my virginity I lasted probably like 2 minutes. Just get it over with so you know what to expect and can get better in the future.

When you're talking about not kissing the girl on your date I'm assuming it's because you didn't have the confidence to make a move because you're waiting for the "perfect moment". It doesn't exist. Create one.

What does that have to do with friendship issue discussed here? That was a warm approach in the office that did not work out. There is no friendzone or friendship with anyone there.

So you are saying that if someone gets rejected in a cold or warm approach they cant give advice? Dude, eveyone gets rejected. You never got rejected by a woman before? That is the dumbest thing I have heard. We are not even talking about rejection on this thread but you had to bring that up.

The OP is not rejected by his female friend who has a steady bf.

Actually, on holiday, in clubs, etc. I saw that girls have it easier. But I don't know when I'll go again.
Frankly, I can't really have fun in places like pubs and clubs.

I will be clear. There was a period when I masturbated really hard. Sometimes 4 times a day... There were times when I saw all girls as just sexual. Now I can say that I started nofap based on the recommendations.

I came back to my small city from vacation Not just me. Everyone, including my girlfriends, complains about the lack of people here and the lack of relationships.

I realized that my situation wasn't as bad as I thought, but I still have a lot to learn about girls. And it seems like it would take me many years to gain experience by experiencing everything. I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin...
What do you recommend? Reading more etc. Do you think it is useful?
My biggest concern is being inexperienced in everything. When I first talked to a girl, I was inexperienced, my heart felt like it was going to burst, but now I'm more comfortable.
Still, I feel like I'm 21 and overdue. So it feels like everyone has experienced something.
I'm still like a child.


By the way, I had exams and couldn't read your messages for a while. That's why I asked you all a question in one message. Please excuse me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Actually, on holiday, in clubs, etc. I saw that girls have it easier. But I don't know when I'll go again.
Frankly, I can't really have fun in places like pubs and clubs.

I will be clear. There was a period when I masturbated really hard. Sometimes 4 times a day... There were times when I saw all girls as just sexual. Now I can say that I started nofap based on the recommendations.

I came back to my small city from vacation Not just me. Everyone, including my girlfriends, complains about the lack of people here and the lack of relationships.

I realized that my situation wasn't as bad as I thought, but I still have a lot to learn about girls. And it seems like it would take me many years to gain experience by experiencing everything. I don't want to be a 40 year old virgin...
What do you recommend? Reading more etc. Do you think it is useful?
My biggest concern is being inexperienced in everything. When I first talked to a girl, I was inexperienced, my heart felt like it was going to burst, but now I'm more comfortable.
Still, I feel like I'm 21 and overdue. So it feels like everyone has experienced something.
I'm still like a child.


By the way, I had exams and couldn't read your messages for a while. That's why I asked you all a question in one message. Please excuse me.

Forget reading. Start doing and failing so you can find out what you are doing wrong, improve on it and start becoming successful.

 

[nelysses]

Forget reading. Start doing and failing so you can find out what you are doing wrong, improve on it and start becoming successful.

Actually, I agree with this, but what if I don't have enough time?
Most people fall in love with someone in high school and experience that first love.
I wasn't even talking to people in high school. Even though I started this at university, as I said, I am still very inexperienced, but I am 21 years old.
I'm making the same mistakes now that people make when they're 15.
I look around me, 21 year old people are really mature. I still feel like a child.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Actually, I agree with this, but what if I don't have enough time?
Most people fall in love with someone in high school and experience that first love.
I wasn't even talking to people in high school. Even though I started this at university, as I said, I am still very inexperienced, but I am 21 years old.
I'm making the same mistakes now that people make when they're 15.
I look around me, 21 year old people are really mature. I still feel like a child.

Stop with the excuses. Your reasoning is straight up bullsh!t. Pardon the language.