"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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"I'm a jerk, forgive me"

randomshinichi

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Background: met this girl a couple years ago. She liked me, I refused (more like just too dense to get it). We've remained in sporadic contact since.

So after calling out a girl on her not replying to my texts and failing to reply to my letter (an idea that she originally brought up), I promptly got one missed call and one text. I replied to the latter and implied that I forgave her ("Don't do this again. Goodnight"). I sent exactly one message, and didn't bother with her reply.

That would be great if that were the end of the matter, though. Today I just received a message on Facebook. It goes a little like this (paraphrased):

Hey, the truth is I am a jerk. I tend to neglect friends when I fall in love, and I'm really sorry... I'm a selfish ***** and I hope you'll forgive this selfish little *****.

I didn't get your sms, though, otherwise I would have replied.
I'm thinking of not replying to this message, because this should be the definition of a **** test. What it's supposed to test, I'm not quite sure, but I hope you guys can clear this up for me. Thanks.

EDIT: Also, should I call her out on this or just leave it alone?
 
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"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Alle_Gory

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I suggest this as your entire message back:

"OK, you're forgiven"
 

Evzone

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Yeah I agree with Alle_Gory.

It depends on what you want to do. Do you want to pursue something with this girl? If not, no need to be un-civil, just don't chat with her.
 

randomshinichi

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Well yeah, I guess I do want to pursue her after all, otherwise I wouldn't have called her out on not replying to my texts and letter. I copied your answer verbatim, Alle Gory.

On second thought, calling her out might seem like a good idea, but what if she's truly sorry? Regardless of whether she did get my texts or not, I might as well ignore that line, because I've already forgiven her.

In this case, calling her out on this **** test, even if it actually was one, would be uncivil. Right, Evzone?
 

Alle_Gory

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randomshinichi said:
Well yeah, I guess I do want to pursue her after all, otherwise I wouldn't have called her out on not replying to my texts and letter. I copied your answer verbatim, Alle Gory.

On second thought, calling her out might seem like a good idea, but what if she's truly sorry? Regardless of whether she did get my texts or not, I might as well ignore that line, because I've already forgiven her.

In this case, calling her out on this **** test, even if it actually was one, would be uncivil. Right, Evzone?
If she's truly sorry, you just forgave her. If its a sh*t test, then you passed. If she's messing with you, you didn't waste time because its just copy paste.

If she says something like 'so you think I'm a jerk', you can always remind her that SHE is the one that labeled herself and you're being welcoming and forgiving.

Win, win, win, win situation.


PS, Don't call out people on things unless you need to. If something gets out of hand, then its appropriate, and not only that but calling someone out on something usually has very negative consequences. I only do it to people that get on my nerves (chicks sometimes), and people I dislike or who I think are taking me on a ride. I want to take them down a peg.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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