Sounds like you failed at least twice. Men on sosuave are not about marriage, most have body count above 100. Like one great don juan once said: You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to catch the bird and throw it in a cage, which is commitment. When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage?
No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.
It sounds like you weren't a good catch and flied into a cage by your own will, which eventually left a scar on your soul, thinking wrongly that it's women's fault, daddy issues, etc. No Sir. It's you.
You proposed both times.