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Im 25, she's 19.....I just hit the brakes!!!

drake

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I have been seeing this girl for about a month. But I can tell that she is falling really hard for me. I am used to dating girls my age or older but I was hooked up with this girl through a co-worker. So, I went with it after about 3 months of saying no. Anyways, we had our first fight. She did ok. Then she just started crying and confessing about how much she likes me. It just really turned me off for some reason. She is a good girl and makes me laugh...the sex is fuc#ing crazy. She is awesome at pleasing me in every way except she is sorta immature in some ways.

I find that sometimes when I am in a group of large people with her, that I am in some ways embarrassed for her. Its weird. Its almost like I can tell that THEY think she is immature so that kinda spirals down to me. Hard to explain. But anyways, I just told her today that we need to slow way down.....and go from there. She was kinda hurt it seemed but I really dont know what else to do. I mean physically EVERYTHING is there. But emotionally....not so much. I just dont want to hurt this girl and turn it into a FWB. Im kinda stuck.
 

thesynergist

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I just had an 18 year old flake on me after a few months (see my Tales of the 18 Year Old post). Beautiful, total freak in the sack. Absolute blast.

Difference between her and yours though is actual maturity level. Even at 18 she was smart, articulate, and challenging. She always carried herself well when we went out, and there wasn't one incident where I felt even remotely embarrased by/ of her. I could seriously bring this chick anywhere and she'd stay cool and do me right.

It sounds to me like this girls still not quite grown up enough for you intellectually/ emotionally and it's slowing your roll.

You've only been actually dating for a month, so really neither one of you will probably get too burned by slowing down/ stopping. She might be a bit attatched, but I gotta think she'll get by if you push her away a bit (then again, now that you've shown her yer you're strong enough to pull back, she'll probably want you even more) :)
 

drZaius09

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Sometimes I swear you guys are *looking* for problems just for the hell of it. As if you desperately need something to complain about, I don't know.

This girl's emotional issues are not your problem. She's falling hard for you, so what? How does this affect your day-to-day life? If it has any affect at all, I'd be interested to know how and why, because I can't imagine how it could. Secondly, you mentioned she is immature. Again I can't see how this could possibly affect your day-to-day life. If you are looking for an engaging conversation, try your friends or colleagues, not a 19 year-old sex puppet. It's all about purpose! This girl's purpose is to please you physically, not stimulate your mind. You should already have other people in your life for that purpose.

Every time I come here, guys on this board are looking for more and more and more. Just to have a hot chick who bangs isn't enough anymore. I don't get it. You want your quarterback to play receiver and kicker and defensive end. It makes no sense!
 
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Demodulate

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I miss my 19 yr old...

she was a little immature, but had some great qualities. good work ethic, took care of herself.. honestly if it wasnt for a few of her friends we would still be together..

If the girl makes you happy, then dont worry about.. shes young and will eventually change her mind about you anyway.. ride it out...
 

wheelin&dealin

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Drake,

There is a huge difference in maturity level between a girl that is 22 and one that is 19. A girl that is 19 is normally in party mode and doesn't really have her sh*t together. She's probably just getting introduced to nightclubs and is lost in a maze of confusion. By the time they hit 22 you'll normally be able to get a better picture of what their true personality is and what their lifestyle is like. This is why I would encourage 25 year old guys to pick older(22y/o) woman.

I've seen some of my 25 year old friends date younger girls and they were successful at having a relationships that worked for the long-term but, it is very sketchy dealing with younger girls because the fact is most of them don't have their lives together or know what they're doing. It's tough to have a conversation, let alone a relationship, with somebody who is immature. But, if you pick the right girl, you can have a solid relationship and the age difference won't even look that bad in a few years. You may get to the point, after the sex dies, when you start trying to connect with this girl and there's really "nothing upstairs". If you reach that point then it may be time to move on.
 

SexPDX

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I can't imagine having much in common with a 19 y/o girl at this point in my life and if I thought one was really falling for me I can see myself feeling like a jerk if I didn't put the skids on it.
 

d9930380

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Getting hurt is part of growing up. Two things:

1) Your not embarrassed for HER but for YOU because you are with her. That's understandable but just man-up and admit it.

2) Saying the whole "slow down" thing is weak also. You want to break up with her but you haven't the balls to do it. Saying "slow down" is like pulling the plaster off slowly, in the end it will hurt her more as your ****ing with her feelings. There is a reason why they call it a "break-up" - make it clean so as to not give her any false hope and let her get over you.
 

Tom Juan

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What if you were 50 and she was 44?
 

A-Unit

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Re:

As someone I work with says...

"You can't breathe life into a cadaver."

What's that mean?

You can't string along or prop up or keep alive something someone won't give their 100% to the 50% they have to give. Nor can someone give MORE than 50% of a relationship very long without PULLING back to LESS than 50% for a long-time, too.

I met a girl when she was 17 (legal here). We dated BEFORE she turned. When she turned, we began the intimate parts because we couldn't wait. At first, like with most YOUNGIN's, the attraction to the situation is the age difference and the lust. It's mostly sexual attraction. There's to be had with such a HUGE gap UNLESS she REALLY wants an older guy. If she's just dating you to date you, much like all other guys her age, she won't be around very long. That was the case with my girl, who would flake, not call, call often, want to hang out strong for a few weeks, then not at all. Most of this is due to her LACK of direction. My girl's family was divorced, she lived with her mom, her dad was mostly absent, and she had some resentment toward him. When I brought her around the few people I did, it was a poor social situation. She wasn't even "mature" enough to socialize with family or my brother, and when I set up family parties involving booze, she'd cancel last minute. At last, I gave up. Of course, in typical YOUTHFUL fashion, she blamed it on me. But she couldn't see her own short-comings.

For guys even CONSIDERING going that much younger, it's ONLY a JOY ride UNLESS she initiates something more. Regardless of how bad you want it or don't, unless she's willing to committ, it's worthless. There's few guys I know of who could turn this into anything serious. It really takes finding the RIGHT girl. Maybe if you're in MAINE, as my cousin is 19, and recently married at 18. Her hubby was about 22 at the time. Up there, lifestyle is different. People care more about family, about dropping by a neighbors house to drink, or boat, than they do about careers. My cousin, who's beautiful, felt the same way. She lives in the middle of nowhere and is very happy there. People are wonderful and her hubby is well off for a country hick.

In the big cities, for young girls, there's lots of distractions. I know a FEW girls who are super hot, who are with long-term boyfriends, but it's rare, and they are dating guys their own age, and will leave for college with them as bf's, but probably not return with them.

The best analogy I have is that it's like being a WEAPONS specialist. You guys are ok with handguns, but can't handle nitro-glycerine, which is what the 18/19 yo porn-looking girl is like. She's volatile. Hot. Given to her emotions. Directionless. Clueless. Zany. But can be loads of fun. She will be committed to HER REALITY, unless you present something AKIN to the MAFIA lifestyle or GANGSTA lifestyle, rollin on dubs with cocaine kilos in the backs. That fantasy lifestyle will appeal to some.

My girl was wonderful for a few things. Our first time we hung out, she wore a CORSET, a white one, and a short jean skirt, no panties. Her D-sized tits busted out all the time, and she was a real make out queen. When I got over the fact she wouldn't report me, I pushed more aggressively at doing things with her. She was nympho with the "right" guy, and more like PORN hot than ACTRESS beautiful. But she wasn't wifey material. Ever. Last I heard, she got knocked up by an OLD bf, although she SWORE she didn't want to SETTLE DOWN or BE A MOTHER like all her friends. Now, she's WITH-BABY @ 20 years old, and will likely turn out to be a shadow of her mother, and although she's great, it isn't a better life. She could have had better, but she doesn't better.

As My Wingman once said..."Hey man, it's fun to go slumming, just don't stay there." And that's what it was, Slumming. It's one thing if you're 32 and she's 25, girls that age wants marriage and kids, to be a younger mother and have time to recover their body again. If you're 40 and she's 32, fine too. But that 18 year old barrier isn't possible yet. At least in the BIG city parts of the country.



A-Unit
 
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