IL is the biggest mystery

[Eileen]

I'm right out of theories. Must be "anti-snot" pill I took this morning.

 

[coldcoal]

When I had first taken my job, in a new area, I was eager to meet new people. One of the guys I worked with invited me over for Sunday football with a few of his buddies. I went, it was cool, but tame compared to a Sat. night out with the buys sort of thing.

Anyway, after a few weeks of this, I just got sick of seeing this guy's face 7 days a week, every morning, every lunch...and the Sunday football wasn't exciting enough for me to stick with it on a weekly basis. I gave it up with that group just so I didn't have to see someone from WORK.

Thing is, I have no problems hanging out with the guy when there is something more exciting to do.

What I'm tryng to get at here is that this girl may be showing the same signs of disinterest for the same reasons. Work with you...lunch with you....ex bothering her...this girl with a wild side doesn't seem to be getting a break....

 

[becker]

coldcoal,

You bring up a great point. This is why I like to get feedback from these boards. You get different views and it's very eye opening.

Anyways, enough kissing your a$$ See, the work situation right now is such that I don't see this girl everyday and I'm not always around her. Went to lunch once with her the whole time I've been there, and other times, it's been like 5-10 minute spurts of when I'll see her, chat a little, and leave. Otherwise, your theory actually makes a lot of sense and would probably be very pertinent to other situations.

I feel like I've laid off of her enough. Problem is that chatting her up during working hours is not exactly the best time to do it, so I have to either ask her to lunch, or ask her to do stuff outside of work. Very difficult to do the latter because that's really the only free time she has the entire week except for the evenings after work (but she has school at night normally, but she's on holiday break right now).

Not sure what I should do here. I doubt that staying out of her life is going to help much. I'd personally rather push the envelope and if I get shot down, chalk it up as another experience.

What do you think of that strategy?

 

[Eileen]

Oh ... look here. I responded to all this in a different thread, but it appiles.

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=388344#post388344

 

[coldcoal]

Fair enough, you don't see her as often as I had thought. But when I said 'break', I did not intended to mean 'leave her alone'. In my previous post I had mentioned that I would be more willing to hang out with my friend from work if it meant having more fun.

What I am essentially saying is that I think you should just throw caution to the wind and take her out to paint the town red. Bring out her wild side. Does she have any reason thus far to think you're exciting? Fun?

 

[becker]

Originally posted by coldcoal
Fair enough, you don't see her as often as I had thought. But when I said 'break', I did not intended to mean 'leave her alone'. In my previous post I had mentioned that I would be more willing to hang out with my friend from work if it meant having more fun.

What I am essentially saying is that I think you should just throw caution to the wind and take her out to paint the town red. Bring out her wild side. Does she have any reason thus far to think you're exciting? Fun?

Eileen, I posted a reply to your post in the other thread.

Coldcoal, I see what you mean. I guess our first lunch "date" was pretty average, just sort of getting to know each other a little more. It would feel a little strange if I just went totally hyper and got all strange on her when we don't even really know each other. That would make me come off as a little screwy. It seems like that's something I may do after a few real dates, not after a 1 hour lunch date.

For this reason, there aren't that many reasons for her to think I'm exciting except that I tend to be pretty popular with the other women in the office. I think that's what sort of raised any interest in her in the first place. However, she seems like she's not as jealous as most girls are (she'd never admit it, but she still has a little of that jealous feel to her).

Here's the million dollar question : This girl to me is used to doing relatively wild things (not usually my type of woman, but so what, this is an experiment, and she's the hottest girl I've ever seen, so I'll make an exception here , and I was thinking that if I were mellow, then I'd be different from most guys who she's used to seeing. I may be wrong here, and perhaps it's more advantageous to not be so mellow because I may come off as not her type of guy. Maybe that could be what happened. What do you all think?

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
[b
Generally speaking, the hotter the girl, the more insecure.

Thats an absolute fact that I have come to realize. Its true 99 times out of a 100. I have dated hundreds of girls, and chatted up and numbered prolly thusands....and that pretty much stands as a fact. Insecurity breads beauty, and vice versa.

Becker, in a whole, I think it all comes down to this. Everyone here can rationalize about this and that and that and this, you shoulda coulda woulda been available, not available, bla bla bla. Bottom line, this chiks IL in you isn't a 10. it aint a nine, or an 8 either. More like a 6.5 maybe 7. Not very high, definitely not enough to be dating her. Don't blame it on availability, her being a 10, bla bla bla. Her IL just isn't that high. its not rocket science.

 

[becker]

Good point, myfriendblu, I think you're definitely right.