If your wife threatens a divorce, how do you handle?

[backbreaker]

i'm about to be married soon and/if the day ever comes where she mentions the word divorce, sepration, needing space, whatever you want to call it, her stuff would be packed and it's over.

 

[sodbuster]

Reply "GOOD,I'mglad you think so" with a smile on your lips and in your heart. When can I start dating? If she thinks you have no options,she owns you. If she thinks you have options and some are better than her, she may reconsider.

Any kids? how old do they have to be before they can decide where they get to live? Maybe stall for a year to get them old enough and to get your cash stash in order. I waited until my boys were old enough to decide,so I have joint custody. I also had cattle deals with my brother in place[she hates him,so she wanted no part of that],cash hidden,credit cards in my name going to my office address,stuff I really wanted [pictures etc] out and in my office.

 

[tj]

great thread, just what I needed.

My wife is an absolute psycho monster. Unfortunetly, other guys have to put up with it, but it does make me feel better that I am not alone.

 

[CGE333]

Didn't read all the replies but my 2 cents are that a woman would never leave unless she's got something better waiting in the wings (or perhaps already with him on the sly). I would say there is no better time for you to step up and be a man and take her up on her offer. She is either playing a childish game or really wants a divorce- either way you need to get out.

 

[DJDamage]

I'm no where near a don juan, which is why my wife threatens to divorce me.

Don't sell yourself short.

Your wife is no angel.

 

[oboman]

Thanks to all the advice and tips. My wife not only file a divorce paper, which i didn't sign, she kicked me out of the house. First, I didn't want the divorce paper because we have 10 month old daughter together. My daughter seems so attached to me, more so to me than to my wife.

Then, following my refusal to sign the divorce paper, a few days later, we got into deep argument. The argumen was I didn't want to divorce because I don't want to leave my baby daughter, my only daughter. This is first marriage and first child for both of us. She told me she'll find a new father for the child. I got mad. I went out of control and told her "I don't want other man to take care of my daughter. Other man is not going to love my daughter as much as I love her." I told her if she's horny and need another husband, then she can just leave the baby with me and go **** her new husband. I was literally out of controll, screaming. I'm going to take care of my baby because I don't plan to get married. The argument intensified. She got more mad. She took my house keys and the garage key, and told me to get out. She took my clothes out of my closet and threw at me and told me to get out. .

Then, I calmed and I asked her if we could talk. She took our baby, ran inside our bedroom. I came after her, but she slammed the door shut, locked.
"Open, I just want to talk it out" I said. me bang bang at the door with my hand.

"Leave," she said. She was loud.

I took the spare key (we hid just in case we lockout) to open the door. She came to block the door so I can't open.

She said "if you don't leave, I'll call the police"
She dialed the phone, the police. I can hear her she was saying on the phone that I tried to break in and that she needed me to leave.

"Don't call the police..The police isn't going to solve our problem. We can talk and work it out." I was literally begging her.

I pushed the door a little harder, and the door broke open.

"You broke the door!!" she screamed. She ran to the bathroom with phone in her hand, and locked the door. I guess she continued talking to police, I didn't follower her.

Ten minutes or so later, the police came- four of them. Long story short, the police told me to leave the house. Don't come back if she doesn't allow me to. That's what I did- leave.

First time I've been in ths situation. The worst situation in my life. I was mad.

The two days later I was a little calmer, I called her asking her if I can come visit my baby. I miss my baby. She said if I come, she'll call the police.

Why did I get into this situation, I kept wondering. I kept wondering why if I'm the father, I don't have right to see my baby. I don't want her to go without a father. I was powerless.

What a chump I am.

My question is why would she file divorce when our baby is still young and need our care. Has anyone here been in my situation?

I'm still not making sense out of the situation. I work hard, pay half mortgage, pay more of the expense housing and our baby. I help out with house work, though she does more I did. I just don't know. I can't figure her. She's not how she use to be.

Thanks for spending time reading my post, and helping me. Your tips are precious to me at this moment.

 

[window]

If you own part of the house I'm pretty sure she cant stop you entering without a restraining order...also if you are non-violent and non-threatening from here on out this shouldn't be a problem. If it is her house then perhaps she can kick you out but you wouldn't have been paying 50% of the mortgage if that was the case. Well I hope so anyway...

Perhaps get some legal advice then tell the police that you've obatined it and you'd like them to help you reenter the house. Then phone your wife and explain to her that she has no legal ground to evict you from the house and that you've phoned the police youself etc. This will make her think twice about calling them again. Unless she has good reason.

When you get home just chill and not react to her in anyway. If she wants to isolate the child and start fights to entice you into a fight you need to walk away...perhaps go for a walk or jog. Stay in control.

I think it is important even if a divorce is likely to establish yourself in the house again....and not break down any doors this will take away the frame of her being the victim. Also keep a diary of everything. For e.g if you get back in the house and chill for a bit she might ask you to look after the child for the afternoon while she goes shopping...write it down. (Dont show her the diary.)

Anyway these are just some suggestions...better to get serious advice from family lawyers...hope it turns out ok.

 

[window]

dont sign anything either without legal advice...

 

[window]

just googled "can my wife kick me out of the house" and this was top of the list, plenty of others...sounds very familiar to your story. The internet can be a good tool to help you. Like I said in my post my first instinct for you was to reestablish yourself in the house...Cheers

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080205112831AAd0l8q

 

[ZenGodMod]

wow that went too far, you went too far letting anger get the best of you.

legally if you own part of the house or all of it. she can't kick you out. cops can't kick you out either but they could have arrested you so leaving is a good thing.

here is something you must first understand. the divorce will happen. the bottom line is you want your daughter. so proceed with intent to finalise the divorce only with the condition that you get your daughter. you may find out that she wants the divorce more then the kid.

also she hasn't got a guy on the side else she would have called him or left to stay with him during the incident. which means that you are the major problem to her. which means offering to get rid of yourself in exchange for your daughter will be added good deal for her.

second. if there are parts of you that still loves your now wife you will lose as your will be too willing to submit. leave it to lawyer to cut the deal then and never talk to her directly hence forth.

remember to keep your cool. if you don't then just know the consequence is you lose your daughter. don't let that happen.

also you can be a DJ later. for now get over this one fast, smooth and distress free. good luck and be prepared for the long path ahead as there is no turning back even if you wanted to.

 

[librito]

buddy,,, I am pretty certain that your wife is cheating on you... her modus operandi indicates that she is attached emotionally to someone else...
it is up to you to find the truth by checking phone records, putting a key blog on the computer, etc etc..
if you search really well then you will find out the real truth of why she is divorcing you so sudden and out of the blue.
seek and you will find.

 

[grinder]

From the court’s perspective all they see is a terrified “victim” holding a screaming baby barricading themselves away from you and you broke down the door to get to them.

That image alone is very damaging and, as my lawyer says, “has legs”.

Depending on the state, a protective order only lasts 10 to 21 days.

Your job is to A) Get a handle on yourself and avoid at all costs the above type of altercation; B) Imagine every word and every action you take around her to be public and to be used against you……because it will; C) Re-establish yourself in the home.

Then take the advice of others above.

If you don’t get a handle on yourself, if you loose control, then you, my friend, have fvcked yourself royally and she wins.

However, the game is not up; she will make mistakes, but you will never catch her if you are locked away from her.

Divorce is a steep climb and you made it steeper by loosing control of yourself. Fix that first.

 

[Tictac]

legally if you own part of the house or all of it. she can't kick you out. cops can't kick you out either but they could have arrested you so leaving is a good thing

Au contraire! If there's a whiff of domestic violence (unfortunately already provided), women can get a restraining order on the flimsiest of behaviors, including her lying. A broken door is way more than enough to get a RO in my state (NJ/USA).

Obo,

1) "Go dark" on your wife just after you relay to her (verbally and face-to-face only - no text, email, voice mail or any of that) that you will under no circumstances leave your daughter, EVER. So, whatever else she does, she'd best figure how to work around that.

Say this to her as a settled matter. No anger, no tears, just the fact. Don't tell her you're going dark. JUST DO IT!

Let her live with the consequences of her decision to divorce. Give her (and you) the gift of missing you. Do this so quickly and so completely that you create a vacuum between the two of you. Don't contact her unless its about your daughter.

Don't discuss her issues, the divorce, your feelings or anything you don't have to. On all matters concerning the divorce, simply agree with her. Then back up your agreement with expedient, immediate and consistent action.

This is 'Limited Contact' (LC). Its to allow you time and space to work on you, not to punish her. Its in lieu of No Contact (NC) which you cannot use because of your daughter. But it should come as close to NC as possible.

2) Never give her so much as one dollar in cash. Any and all financial things, including grocery money for your child, should be via check or other method that has a paper trail to it.

And for God's sake, keep impeccable records of the money and of every conact between you, including all the bat**** crazy things she does. In court, the one with the best recorded fact pattern wins.

3) Get an attorney NOW, this means today. All subsequent communication about the divorce between you and your soon-to-be-ex-wife (STBXW) to be through your attorney only.

Your lawyer should be the Godzilla of divorce lawyers in your jurisdiction. Good female divorce lawyers are worth their weight in gold in situations like yours but they are rare. You need a KILLER, go find one. TODAY! NOW!

4) Any face-to-face contact with her should be with witnesses friendly to you. This excludes her family and friends (even friends you share).

Get your attorney to advise on whether you should file. If he/she says 'yes' do it immediately. Tell the lawyer that what's important to you is your daughter. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!

I would not have left your home. But you've done that. Live with that for now. Leverage that as trying to do the best for your baby and to buy some 'peace in the valley'. You should try to get back in, but through your attorney.

You are vulnerable to her because of the door incident. She will tell the cops, her family and all of your friends that you are a crazy bastard. You provided the proof.

5) Seal her off. Contact should be as infrequent and brief as it can be to allow you to see your daughter, assert your rights and do the best you can under the divorce laws.

As a man, you'll find that your rights are few, your options limited and your risks high. Move carefully and assertively. Most importantly and for the sake of you and your daughter, NEVER GIVE UP.

Maybe she'll come to her senses. But probably not. You need to act as if your life (and your daughter's) depends on this. Because, in a way, it does. You can turn off the process if she comes to. But if you don't do this stuff now, you will be road kill.

BTW: She cannot deny you access to your child. Tell the attorney that you're hiring (TODAY REMEMBER) that she's told you she'll call the cops if you come over. This will provide your attorney with some immediate 'crazy behavior' fodder. He/she can get you access to your baby. But until you do this the LEGAL way, best not to show up at the house.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Peace and strength,
Tictac

 

[oboman]

Thanks to all for your tips. I'm glad you come to help when fellow man is in trouble.

Now, she allows me to see my baby, but only at her parent's house. Her parents take care of our baby. She's 15 min from her house, 10 min from where I'm staying. So I'm much happier now. I get to see my baby.

As for lawyer hiring, I'm down broke. I heard lawyers charge a lot, and eventually makes you more broke in the end.

The funny part- her parents don't want us to divorce. I told them, it's not up me. She doesn't listen to her parents either.

 

[oboman]

what has helped me is I've been keeping myself busy. Over the past weeks, I'm working on building websites, playing basketball on weekend, and hitting gym twice per week.

Would it be wrong if i meet a new girl? Anyone has gone through such thought? Or is it just me?

 

[Tictac]

Clean up this mess first. The last thing you need is to add another woman to this. For you and for your daughter, work through your issues with your wife.

Besides, adding a woman to this simply adds to your wife's case. You really want to add the appearance on infidelity to this?

Raoul

 

[oboman]

good point. thanks tactic. eye opening.

 

[5string]

True story.....I was married for 25 yrs the first time. She threatened me with divorce twice. The second time she threatened me, I told her if she did it again, we were done. Sure enough, she did it a third time. I kicked her out, filed on her and went no contact. End of story.

 

[jonwon]

Thanks to all the advice and tips. My wife not only file a divorce paper, which i didn't sign, she kicked me out of the house. First, I didn't want the divorce paper because we have 10 month old daughter together. My daughter seems so attached to me, more so to me than to my wife.

Then, following my refusal to sign the divorce paper, a few days later, we got into deep argument. The argumen was I didn't want to divorce because I don't want to leave my baby daughter, my only daughter. This is first marriage and first child for both of us. She told me she'll find a new father for the child. I got mad. I went out of control and told her "I don't want other man to take care of my daughter. Other man is not going to love my daughter as much as I love her." I told her if she's horny and need another husband, then she can just leave the baby with me and go **** her new husband. I was literally out of controll, screaming. I'm going to take care of my baby because I don't plan to get married. The argument intensified. She got more mad. She took my house keys and the garage key, and told me to get out. She took my clothes out of my closet and threw at me and told me to get out. .

Then, I calmed and I asked her if we could talk. She took our baby, ran inside our bedroom. I came after her, but she slammed the door shut, locked.
"Open, I just want to talk it out" I said. me bang bang at the door with my hand.

"Leave," she said. She was loud.

I took the spare key (we hid just in case we lockout) to open the door. She came to block the door so I can't open.

She said "if you don't leave, I'll call the police"
She dialed the phone, the police. I can hear her she was saying on the phone that I tried to break in and that she needed me to leave.

"Don't call the police..The police isn't going to solve our problem. We can talk and work it out." I was literally begging her.

I pushed the door a little harder, and the door broke open.

"You broke the door!!" she screamed. She ran to the bathroom with phone in her hand, and locked the door. I guess she continued talking to police, I didn't follower her.

Ten minutes or so later, the police came- four of them. Long story short, the police told me to leave the house. Don't come back if she doesn't allow me to. That's what I did- leave.

First time I've been in ths situation. The worst situation in my life. I was mad.

The two days later I was a little calmer, I called her asking her if I can come visit my baby. I miss my baby. She said if I come, she'll call the police.

Why did I get into this situation, I kept wondering. I kept wondering why if I'm the father, I don't have right to see my baby. I don't want her to go without a father. I was powerless.

What a chump I am.

My question is why would she file divorce when our baby is still young and need our care. Has anyone here been in my situation?

I'm still not making sense out of the situation. I work hard, pay half mortgage, pay more of the expense housing and our baby. I help out with house work, though she does more I did. I just don't know. I can't figure her. She's not how she use to be.

Thanks for spending time reading my post, and helping me. Your tips are precious to me at this moment.

She is manipulating you, using you and treating you very badly right now.

She has all the cards, sadly in this system your probably going to be another statistic that shows men to not get shacked up with a total cun*.

Your wife is a bully, a bitc*, a nasty piece of work and you married her and had a kid with her.

I know women can turn into royal bitc*s when the cards fall, but it takes a whole new level of cun* to be like your wife.

Seriously you need to set in damage control and fast, it is pointless arguing your case, it is clear she is using your need to access your daughter to make your life hell.

Your wife knows exactly what she is doing, she is a grade A bitc*.

If I was you i'd be seriously thinking about getting away with the least minimul damage to your relationship with your daughter, but it seems you have a very volitile women for a wife and I dont think is going to end pritty.

It is a shame that in the court of law, they will side with your clearly fuc*ed up **** of a partner, and that is the whole big shame about it all - If the powers that be didn't reward such vile behaviour from women, they wouldn't act like such Bastar*s.

She already is close to having a case of emotional abuse - Seriously the laws in the land are Fuc*ed up - read the threads that have been posted and those links - You need to be aware of what your letting yourself in for.

Stop phoning her, stop pressuring her, stop interacting with her, because it is clear she is using this has an excuse to paint you to be a vile monster to a dainty flower and in the court of law, the law of the land, a womans word is gospel.

Yep your fuc*ed, sorry! but it's not the end of the world, you have to be hard - Emotionless and dig into your own selfish male core and ramp up the cun* inside you also - Fight fire with fire - do not pander to her, beg or plead your case, it is like tossing petrol on a fire to die it out.

Try to get some proffessional help ASAP, and since you've already been removed from the home, I suggest you stay away from contact with the wife as much as possible.

She can't deny you access to your kid, but if you pressure the point, she could paint you out to be emotionally unstable and it will be used against you, even though your wife is the one who is fuc*ed up - its just the way it is, the system is fuc*ed, hence it is stories like yours that prevent many guys from marrying and having kids - You do it with the wrong girl and your life turns to hell, like yours.

Men have commited sucide over shi* like this.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Tell her to get one and bring you one back.