drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
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well said guru
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
If your GF hangs out with a guy, would you consider it cheating/disrespectful?
- Thread starter Fela Kuti
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
comic_relief
Master Don Juan
I have a very different attitude about girlfriends and male friends then a lot of guys on this website.
If they have been friends for a long period of time, then I don't care. The only thing that I usually ask is for them to allow me to meet to become friends.
My ex-gf hung out with four different girls and when she asked if she should stop, I said keep having friends.
My current girlfriend still hangs out with her ex-boyfriends and I don't give a sh!t.
The only difference is that I know everybody that both of them hung out with AND trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid.
You need to know when to trust and not to trust. I have yet to be screwed over.
comic_relief
If they have been friends for a long period of time, then I don't care. The only thing that I usually ask is for them to allow me to meet to become friends.
My ex-gf hung out with four different girls and when she asked if she should stop, I said keep having friends.
My current girlfriend still hangs out with her ex-boyfriends and I don't give a sh!t.
The only difference is that I know everybody that both of them hung out with AND trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid.
You need to know when to trust and not to trust. I have yet to be screwed over.
comic_relief
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
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...that you know ofcomic_relief said:I have a very different attitude about girlfriends and male friends then a lot of guys on this website.
If they have been friends for a long period of time, then I don't care. The only thing that I usually ask is for them to allow me to meet to become friends.
My ex-gf hung out with four different girls and when she asked if she should stop, I said keep having friends.
My current girlfriend still hangs out with her ex-boyfriends and I don't give a sh!t.
The only difference is that I know everybody that both of them hung out with AND trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid.
You need to know when to trust and not to trust. I have yet to be screwed over.
comic_relief
I've already addressed this issue from DAY 1. I said it's okay for her to hang out once in a while with her guy friends. Although I'd been feeling a little jealous if she went out with a guy friend, but I tried to hide it, feeling that it's just my insecurity. But this issue raised up about a month ago. This 2-year guy friend asked her out immediately the day after they went to cinema. When she told me about that, I said "2 days in a row? Doesn't he have a GF or somethin? I'm not feeling comfortable about this." Thankfully she could understand my objection. But the worst was when she's with him and didn't reply to my SMS for about 2 hours. Very untypical of her. When I confront her about that, she said that she put her phone on her bag so she didn't know there was a message. We had a fight about this because I thought that was a flaky answer. Why didn't she has the initiative to check her goddamn phone! I began thinking that it's because she's having so much fun with him that she forgot about me.guru1000 said:This should have been addressed from DAY 1. Now that you are addressing it after the fact makes you look weak and insecure. Like a little kid who works up the nerve to punch his bully. Either way if this is how you feel, it needs to be addressed. Remember because you are confronting it late, you will come off as insecure. However what matters is laying out the law on your terms and willing to walk away on hers. Better late than never.
HAHA!drmeathead said:...that you know of
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Okay, I agree with you about trusting our GF's. But can you trust the guys?? You never know what intention they have and if they want to get your girl, certainly you don't want your girl to give them "false hope" by agreeing to hang out with them.comic_relief said:My current girlfriend still hangs out with her ex-boyfriends and I don't give a sh!t.
The only difference is that I know everybody that both of them hung out with AND trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid.
You need to know when to trust and not to trust. I have yet to be screwed over.
comic_relief
Master Don Juan
yes, I do trust these guys. They both call me directly to hang out even if my girlfriend isn't there. The only guy that I don't trust won't talk to either of us because I told him that we were dating for three months when she didn't tell him at all for those three months because she didn't want to hurt him.Fela Kuti said:Okay, I agree with you about trusting our GF's. But can you trust the guys?? You never know what intention they have and if they want to get your girl, certainly you don't want your girl to give them "false hope" by agreeing to hang out with them.comic_relief said:My current girlfriend still hangs out with her ex-boyfriends and I don't give a sh!t.
The only difference is that I know everybody that both of them hung out with AND trust my girlfriend not to do anything stupid.
You need to know when to trust and not to trust. I have yet to be screwed over.
If she did cheat on me, then I would send her @$$ packing. Never had to do it yet though, so I think that I am in the clear so far.
As to "That I know of yet...":
I know because i keep a close eye on how her mood levels and her personality. Plus, if need be, I could easily find out through mutual friends. I never have the need to yet.
The choice in girlfriend that I make is of the utmost importance. Trust me, I make sure to choose the girls that have a good track record and somewhat clingy, but not too clingy personalities.
comic_relief
Ideally, out of respect your GF would not 'spend time' with another man. Since she is, you should continue and just be cool, but now you must start investing a reducing balance emotional quotient in her. Simple.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Most guys will want to fvck your girl and there's nothing you can do about it. GET OVER IT!!!! It's not about the guys anyway, either you're able to trust your girl or not. And who cares whether or not she has male friends, what matters is how well you can handle what she does with them.Fela Kuti said:Okay, I agree with you about trusting our GF's. But can you trust the guys?? You never know what intention they have and if they want to get your girl, certainly you don't want your girl to give them "false hope" by agreeing to hang out with them.
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
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keep an eye on that mood and personality level brother it changes drastically after the **** their "friend". i hope she hasnt and wont but man i think you are playing with fire here. if she wants to "see" other guys then she shouldnt be in a comitted relationship. it is that simple. call it hanging out with friends but i call it a date unless of course you are there or it is a group of people. 3 or 4 hours of one on one time with another guy is bull****.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
what do you mean by "investing a reducing balance emotional quotient in her"?ducaro said:Ideally, out of respect your GF would not 'spend time' with another man. Since she is, you should continue and just be cool, but now you must start investing a reducing balance emotional quotient in her. Simple.
drmeathead
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
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she goes from being the apple of ur eye to being just some chick...well maybe not that far but closer to the latter than the former if she keeps this **** up
honestly i don't give a damn whether there are 1900 guys that want to **** her. but what i care is whether my gf give them a response or not. and by going out with them, that's considered responsive IMO.Francisco d'Anconia said:Most guys will want to fvck your girl and there's nothing you can do about it. GET OVER IT!!!! It's not about the guys anyway, either you're able to trust your girl or not. And who cares whether or not she has male friends, what matters is how well you can handle what she does with them.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
OK, then you don't want your girl going out with guys. So what was all this fluff about this friend of hers that she's known for two years? He's a guy, she's going out with him and you don't like it; then deal with it. Stop making the situation more complex with the friend of two years thing if it truly doesn't matter to you.Fela Kuti said:honestly i don't give a damn whether there are 1900 guys that want to **** her. but what i care is whether my gf give them a response or not. and by going out with them, that's considered responsive IMO.
I don't see what the big deal is. My gf is the same. Her 2nd best friend is a guy. In fact he's at her house right now, they just watched a movie together. He's better at some things like chit-chat than I am and I'm glad he fills that role so I don't have to. Big effing deal...don't you have any platonic female friends?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Fela Kuti said:I don't have a problem with her having a male friend, but the idea of seeing her hangs out frequently (about once every week or two weeks) with other guy seems to bother me. Little jealous, maybe. Probably nothing happens between them, but still. Actually I got mad when once she forgot to reply my SMS when she was with him.
If she cut it down to once every 3 weeks, would you be ok with it?
I hate to see what you would do if she forgot to return your phone call if she was with him.
wjh
Master Don Juan
Dude, if you don't like it don't accept it. Leave the situation all together since apparently you can't just deal with it.
This is another example of a guy entering an LTR before paying his dues in the field. Your gf should be on her toes feeling lucky to have you, since she knows your an amazing catch and could be with a lot of other hotter girls if you wanted. But thats obviously not the case here. So what you should do is just end the LTR and keep her as a FB, and get in the field, do 5 approaches a day to start out. Or you can just wait it out, your LTR will be ending soon enough, your jealousy/needy behavior will kill the attraction and drive her away.
strangely, i'll feel better.DonJuan11 said:If she cut it down to once every 3 weeks, would you be ok with it?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.