Tonight I was hanging out with someone and it dawned on me that I didn't wanna keep living my life like this. I am going to end up like this if I keep going. I just need to find someone I can connect with. I moved away and went to college. On my 1.5 year trek, so far I have been with one girl(Sue). For some reason I only hung out with her and did not make my own friends. I did this for the full 1.5 years and I am now lost. Sues parents are going crazy. Sue is not like she use to be. I feel like we don't connect anymore and we always fight. The last few times we've been together something happens and we end up fighting in tears. I don't want to live like that. We're on a break right now, she says she needs her space. To find her own group of friends. I feel like she is kicking me to the side. I have no one else to hang out with now that I don't have her. I feel lost. I know, I know. Search and read the bible. Any help from one person, not a whole archive?
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
If you like long posts and giving advice look no further.
- Thread starter xenten
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Woah buddy. Relax, take a deep breath and explain coheretnly what you dont like and what you want to change about yourslef.
And stop talking about Sue, cuz when you get ur $hit together, there will be 10 sue's that you'll have your pick from.
And stop talking about Sue, cuz when you get ur $hit together, there will be 10 sue's that you'll have your pick from.
I've been reading for well over two weeks. I feel I don't have anyone I can go talk to any time and share about anything with each other. I guess I need a friend. My social status has gone down and I can't connect with people. Tonight I felt that I was Daisy Downer (off SNL), It seems that what I say brings everyone down because I don't think before hand. I can't conversation, with anyone.
Edit: I don't know why I feel like this tonight and not in the past few days. I felt I made a friend in a few of my classes. I just need to hang out with them. I don't know what friends do together. It's been a long time since I've done that. That's what scares me with hangout with someone, that I won't know what to do. Or have no reason to hang out. I think I have anxiety around others.
Edit: I don't know why I feel like this tonight and not in the past few days. I felt I made a friend in a few of my classes. I just need to hang out with them. I don't know what friends do together. It's been a long time since I've done that. That's what scares me with hangout with someone, that I won't know what to do. Or have no reason to hang out. I think I have anxiety around others.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
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Sorry brother but your relationship with Sue is effectively over.
Read joekerr's great thread on breaks to find out why...
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks
In anycase this happens to just about every guy who makes a woman his sole focus and doesn't make a life for himself outside of her company.
Women are to be a nice addition to your life but never its passion or driving focus.
The driving focus and passion you need to base your life and identity around is something that is 100% unchanging like living a healthy life by being an exercise nut or striving to be good at music you know something unchanging like those things meaning something that is always going to be around and there for you to persue something that can never be taken from you so you never lose your identity and sense of self when a relationship ends because you no longer base your entire self identity around a chick who can leave you or die at any time.
Even though I'm not a Christian a better way of looking at it may be to use a teaching from Christianity.
Ok there is a saying by Christians that Jesus's house ie the church was built on the rock so that when the waves came and washed over it, it remains standing.
While foolish people live in houses made of sand so that when the waves come crashing down the house is washed away with them.
Basically this teaching is saying whatever you trust in should have a solid unshakeable foundation.
So to sum up all I've been trying to say is you need to make your focus and identity based on a solid unchanging foundation and then you'll never have to deal with the feeling of being lost in life ever again when some woman leaves you because you never again made your life based on the unstable uncertain surface that she is but rather something that is unchanging.
Anyway though man for recovery other than telling you this all you can really do is try and get yourself out more and build up small conversations with people to get yourself back in the swing of being social.
You don't have to get too discouraged about early failures as remember you are trying to unwire your brain from being used to talking to one person and that personality for so long as well as repairing deteriorated social skills so it may take some time but as the old saying goes: "Rome wasn't built in a day".
Read joekerr's great thread on breaks to find out why...
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks
In anycase this happens to just about every guy who makes a woman his sole focus and doesn't make a life for himself outside of her company.
Women are to be a nice addition to your life but never its passion or driving focus.
The driving focus and passion you need to base your life and identity around is something that is 100% unchanging like living a healthy life by being an exercise nut or striving to be good at music you know something unchanging like those things meaning something that is always going to be around and there for you to persue something that can never be taken from you so you never lose your identity and sense of self when a relationship ends because you no longer base your entire self identity around a chick who can leave you or die at any time.
Even though I'm not a Christian a better way of looking at it may be to use a teaching from Christianity.
Ok there is a saying by Christians that Jesus's house ie the church was built on the rock so that when the waves came and washed over it, it remains standing.
While foolish people live in houses made of sand so that when the waves come crashing down the house is washed away with them.
Basically this teaching is saying whatever you trust in should have a solid unshakeable foundation.
So to sum up all I've been trying to say is you need to make your focus and identity based on a solid unchanging foundation and then you'll never have to deal with the feeling of being lost in life ever again when some woman leaves you because you never again made your life based on the unstable uncertain surface that she is but rather something that is unchanging.
Anyway though man for recovery other than telling you this all you can really do is try and get yourself out more and build up small conversations with people to get yourself back in the swing of being social.
You don't have to get too discouraged about early failures as remember you are trying to unwire your brain from being used to talking to one person and that personality for so long as well as repairing deteriorated social skills so it may take some time but as the old saying goes: "Rome wasn't built in a day".